A Trip To Remember
by Bellezza Romana
Summary: Lovino never wanted to go on the school trip to Germany, but Antonio made him come, and now he's got to live through a week of his twin brother, a wacky Prussian who calls himself "Your Awesomeness" and the Haribo factory. Worse, Lovino has secrets and feelings that he never wanted Antonio to know, but with the way he relives it all at night, the Spaniard is about to find out...
1. Accept your in flight Hell

**AN: Hey, new writer here! I'm halfwayoutofthedark, and this is my first time posting on . I've used this site before, loads of times, to read others' fics and stuff so I thought I'd finally have a go at posting some of my own stories that I'm constantly writing. The idea for this is based off the German trip I myself went on last year, so basically I know exactly what happens everyday and everything is fabuluz planned out. It's a Spamano, basically because it's one of my favourite pairings, but any actual Spamano action will literally happen in the last two chapters. The whole story will pretty much be a lead up to that point, and there's some fluffy Spain and Roma conversations along the way, so I'm not being that mean! Side pairings also include AusHun, suggested RusCan and anything else I can think of as I write. Rated T for Romano's language later on. Translations will be at the bottom.** **Enjoy!**

* * *

"Antonio. Antonio. Antonio. Antonio. Antonio." _Oh dios_, if he calls my name one more time... "Antonio. Antonio. Antonio!"

"_¿Que, _Lovino_?_"

"...I hate Germany, Toni. Why do we have to go?"

"Because if we don't, we fail German. Now, play cards or something. I'm trying to sleep."

Lovi pouted at me and turned back to his book, which happened to be Romeo & Juliet. I don't know why anyone would read that out of choice, but I guess that's just my Lovi and his strange ways.

I leaned back against my chair, shut my eyes and relaxed. The flight was a fairly short one, nearly two hours, but I was determined to get some rest so I wouldn't have killer jet lag when I woke up the next morning. I wasn't the most fabulous of fliers either. I was just drifting off to enticing dreams about home in Spain when he started again.

"Antonio. Antonio. Antonio. Antonio. Aaaaannnnttoooooniiiiioooo."

"What is it now, Lovi?"

"Why did you take German as your language when we both know Spanish would have been facilemente for you?"

"I already told you why, Lovi."

"I know. I forgot."

Sigh. "Because I don't want to spend half a year learning a language I was born speaking. Why didn't you take Italian, huh?"

"_Bastardo_, you know they didn't offer Italian! And Spanish would have been way too easy for me; I mean seriously, I would have got so confused. So there was no other option than that _disgustoso, strano, difficile, innattra_-"

"Is everything all right here, Lovino? Antonio?"

Lovi and I looked up to see Herr Beilschmidt, our German teacher, giving us the Look. Herr B had many Looks, but they all pretty much said the same thing; "Insult me or my precious _Deutschland_, and you'd wish you'd never been born." I saw Lovi blush out of the corner of my eye and sighed again. I do a lot of sighing when Lovi's around. It's mostly his persistent (though very adorable) fuck-all attitude.

"_Ja_, Herr Beilschmidt," I said calmly, cracking one of my winning smiles and my not-so-winning German accent. "We're _sehr gut_."

Herr B nodded and carried on down the aisle, although his expression still looked suspicious. I felt better after he left. At over six foot tall, with slicked-back blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and muscles that could crush a school desk (trust me, I've seen it), Herr B kind of scared the _mierda_ out of me.

I turned back to Lovi, expecting him to look slightly humbled or at least grateful to me for saving him, only to see his tanned face split into a wicked grin.

"Thank god he doesn't understand Italian, huh?" Lovi laughed, sticking his tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help smiling. Lovino Vargas just seemed to ooze this chillness, the kind that made you want to throw him into the sea spontaneously or squidge his cheeks together like he was six years old, just too see how he'd react. Sure, he tended to act a little more, um, cold around people who weren't me, but it was a confident kind of cold, only best described as the fuck-all attitude I mentioned earlier. I saw him get angry once before. It was kind of funny the way he went all red. Like a tomato! He's gotten annoyed at me enough times, but I can never stay mad at him for long.

"Close one there, eh, Toni?" A chirpy voice said from above us. I glanced up and caught sight of a blonde, snub-nosed figure peeking out at me from the seats in front.

"Bella!" I smiled. "_Sí_, Herr B was almost onto us there. I only just fended him off with some badly accented German and my fabulous looks."

"Wow, your looks must have been fabulous if he left after a sample of your German," the Belgian girl laughed, and asked me about my plans for shopping in Dusseldorf (I'm not saying I'm slightly camp or anything, but if you see a "SALE" sign outside Topman and hear a scream, it's probably me.) I reply, and pretty soon we're discussing our suitcase contents with a vengeance.

Next to me, Lovino dries up and slumps in his seat faster than you can say "third wheel". For reasons I never quite got, Lovi really dislikes Bella, which poses a slight problem for me as she's sort of my cousin. Bella has never been anything but nice towards Lovi, and well, Lovino isn't one to turn down a girl, so his frosty attitude towards her will continue to confuse me.

Before the situation can get anymore awkward for me, however, a scream sounds from the back of the plane and immediately everyone's head whips round to look. Everyone except Lovi's, that is, who simply put his head in his hands and muttered, "_Ne'anche un ora_..."

Herr B barrelled past me, nearly knocking me out of my seat as I tried to get an eyeful of the action. From the second-to-last row in the plane, a boy with black hair and pale skin was making calming gestures and soothing noises at someone I couldn't see. I recognised him as Kiku Honda, the Japanese transfer who'd moved here last year. I felt sorry for him as his efforts were going completely unheeded and his quiet voice was being blocked by the torrent of words coming from the seat next to him.

"_Oh Dio_, it won't stop bleeding, in fact I think I'm losing feeling in my fingers, maybe I'll lose all the blood in my hand and then it will have to be cut off, oh Kiku, I won't be able to draw anymore, what will _Nonno_ say? I didn't mean to do it, my pen just slipped and cut my hand and now it hurts so much and I think I'm going to die and I was so looking forward to the trip as well and now I'm going to die and my vision is blurring and I feel faint and please, please, make it stop, make it-"

"FELICIANO, CALM DOWN!" By this time, Herr B had reached the seats and was trying to solve the situation the only way he knew how; shouting.

Unfortunately, his position blocked my view of the scene, but by now I'd figured it out.

"It's your brother," I turned back to Lovi and shrugged. "Poor Feli, what's happened now?"

Lovi grimaced. "I'll sort it out." I lifted my knees to let Lovi past and watched as he made his way down the plane to Feliciano. Feli was Lovi's twin brother, a few minutes the younger but by far the more emotional. Feli was golden-haired where Lovi was dark, short where Lovi was tall, arty where Lovi was a bookworm and more importantly, hyperactive and a total neurotic where Lovi was confident and offhand. To be honest, if it wasn't for their twin curls on their heads, you wouldn't even know they were related.

Lovi pushed past Herr B and Kiku without excusing himself and grabbed Feliciano, but not in a cruel way.

"_Madre di Dio, Feliciano Vargas, calmati! Viene con me, io ho alcuni fazzoletti, ma prima devi stare zitto, sí_?" Feli nodded and followed Lovi out of the plane seat. Lovi stopped by Herr B and Kiku, stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and fixed them with a cool look.

"I can take care of my brother from here, Herr Beilschmidt, Kiku."

"Um, thank you, Lovino," Herr B looked a little crestfallen, if you asked me. Maybe he was hoping to save the day by ripping a chair apart or something. "Are you sure you'll be okay, Feliciano?"

"_Grazie_, Herr Beilschmidt, but I think I'll be fine with Lovino." Feli dried his eyes and trembled under Herr B's (attempted) kind look.

Kiku, instead, swept into a low bow to Lovi, who shrugged and gave a slow smile. "_Arigato_, Vargas Lovino, for taking care of him. I sensed the mood was starting to get a little agitated, you see, and I'm not very good at soothing people. I have personal space issues."

"Oh well, um, good for you," Lovi said hurriedly and motioned to Feli to follow him to the plane bathroom.

I, still sitting back in my seat, watched with a smile on my face. For all their differences, I knew my Lovi and Feli cared about each other (even if Lovi tried to pretend he didn't). They didn't have parents, something which they had both refused to talk about, and they lived with their grandfather, who wasn't around a lot, so they really only had each other. And let's face it, twins looking out for each other the way they do is just so adorable!

Across the aisle, Alfred F. Jones, Caffeine Addict and American Idiot, Esq., caught my eye and wiggled his eyebrows. "Dude, how totally weird was all that? And what was up with the mumbo-jumbo speak?"

"Hey! That mumbo-jumbo speak happens to be Italian, Al. And you know how emotional Feli can be at times," I reprimanded him.

"Whatever," Al shrugged and winked, and I relaxed. He was joking – Al acted liked a _cabrón_, but he was alright, really. He held out a packet to me. "Fry?"

I stared at him. "Fry?_¿Que es?_"

Al stared back. "Fry. As in fries. You know, fried potatoes. Whaddaya call 'em, chips."

"Oh, of course. I forgot, Americano," I smiled and grabbed a handful. I was hungry, thinking about it.

"No problem, mumbo-jumbo speaker," Al grinned back.

"I'm Spanish!"

We chatted meaninglessly for a few more minutes, and then Lovino returned, looking ruffled but otherwise okay. I threw my arms open in a flamboyant welcome gesture, nearly smacking poor Lili Zwingli in the face, who was unfortunate enough to be sitting behind me. "_¡_Lovino, _mi querido!_"

Lovi rolled his eyes at me, but accepted the high five I offered. "_Ciao_, Toni. Everything okay?"

"Sure," I replied as Lovi slipped past me into his seat.

"And how is Feliciano?" Alfred asked us.

Lovi nodded, not even looking at Al. "He'll live. Honestly, he's such a drama queen. It was just a little scratch on his palm, but you'd think he'd chopped his fucking hand off or something from his squeals..." Lovi trailed off as he opened his book and became buried in Shakespeare.

I mouthed a 'sorry' at Alfred, who simply carried on stuffing his face. I suddenly felt dead tired, so I leant back into the seat and closed my eyes. Relaxing my body, I was just drifting off into blessed sleep when-

"Ladies and gentlemen, will you please fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing."

And so the holiday began.

* * *

**AN: phew, first chapter finished! I'm not an English speaker by birth, although I have grown up and was schooled in the UK, so if there are any mistakes please let me know. Constructive critiscism is okay as long as you don't try and axe murder me for missing a comma, please say if it's OOC in any way (it's my first time writing from Spain's POV, sorry) and don't forget to R&R!**

**Translations:  
Oh Dios: ****_Spanish _****Oh God  
¿Que, Lovino?: ****_Spanish_**** What, Lovino?  
Facilemente:**_** Italian **_**easy  
Bastardo: ****_Italian _****bastard  
Disgustoso: ****_Italian _****disgusting  
Strano: ****_Italian _****strange  
Difficile: ****_Italian _****difficult  
Deutschland: ****_German _****Germany  
Ja: ****_German _****yes  
Sehr gut: ****_German _****very good/great  
Mierda: ****_Spanish _****shit  
Sí: ****_Spanish/Italian _****yes  
Ne'anche un ora: ****_Italian _****Not even an hour  
Oh Dio: ****_Italian _****Oh God  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****Grandad/Grandfather  
Madre di Dio, Feliciano Vargas, calmati! Viene con me, io ho alcuni fazzoletti, ma prima devi stare zitto, sí?: ****_Italian _****Mother of God, Feliciano Vargas, calm down! Come with me, I've got some tissues, but first you've got to shut up, yes?  
Grazie: ****_Italian _****Thank you  
Arigato: ****_Japanese _****Thank you  
Cabrón: ****_Spanish _****Arsehole  
¿Que es?: ****_Spanish _****What is it?  
Americano: ****_Spanish/Italian/French _****American  
¡Lovino, mi querido!: ****_Spanish _****Lovino, my dear!  
Ciao: ****_Italian _****Hello/Hi**


	2. Ratman wears Crocs!

**AN: okay, so I'm putting the second chapter up already cause it's a thing I do whenever I put up stories (I used to post to DeviantART before finding ) where I put up at least two chapters on the first day and I figure that people will know whether they like the story or not after two chapters (if you don't, SHAME ON YOU). I know, roflmao, I'm weird. But whatevs. This chapter is quite short anyways, so we're all happy! Also, there's going to be quite a lot of translations at this bottom of this one cause there's a bit where Herr B calls out the register and everyone responds in their native language. Because of that bit, I feel like posing a challenge to anyone who is reading, but details at the bottom. Also, this chapter is from Romano's point of view, which I always enjoy writing cause he's kind of me in male form. Rated T for Roma's language. On with the story! *fanfare***

* * *

"_Cazzo_, it's cold!" I pulled my leather jacket tighter around myself and shivered. "Iceland is warmer than this!"

"Well, it is November, Lovi," Toni reasoned, but I could see he secretly agreed with me. Our class had got off the plane, walked through a conjoined walkway and into the airport, struggled our way through passport control, baggage control and the crush of people leaving, and now we stood on the pavement, slowly turning into a fucking iceberg.

Herr B jogged up to us, flipped open his file and shuffled some papers around. I don't know how he wasn't dead already – all he was wearing was a sleeveless shirt and jeans. But then, he probably did trekking through the snow in Speedos or something as part of his army training (he says he's a teacher, but I know better – the bastard's hiding something), so this weather may just be tropical for him.

"Alright!" Herr B called over our heads, and we turned to look at him. "I'm going to take the register to make sure no-one was left behind. This will happen a lot on this trip, but all in the interest of your personal safety, understand?" We nodded. "_Sehr gut_. _Alzo_...Nataylia!"

"_Pryvitannie_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Francis!"

"_Bonjour_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Katyusha!"

"_Pryvit_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Ivan!"

"_Privet_, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Antonio!"

"_¡Hola_, Herr Beilschmidt_!_"

"Bella!"

"_Hallo_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Roderich!"

"_Guten Tag_, Herr Beilschimdt."

"Elizaveta!"

"_Szia_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Kiku!"

"_Kon'nichiwa_, Beilschmidt-sensei."

"Alfred!"

"Yo, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Arthur!"

"Hello, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Feliciano!"

"_Ciao_, Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Lovino!"

"_Buongiorno_, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Matthew!"

"Hey, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Matthew?"

"Hey, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Has anyone seen Matthew?"

"Who's Matthew?"

"I'm here, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Oh, _zu bitte_, Matthew, there you are. Yao!"

"_Nĭ-hăo, _Herr Beilschmidt!"

"Basch!"

"Um, _Bonjour...Ciao...Hallo_...whatever, I'm here, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Lili!"

"_Guten Tag_, Herr Beilschmidt."

"Okay, that makes everybody," Herr B snapped his file shut and looked round at us all. "Now, we wait here for our ride. We're being picked up and driven to our hotel by _mien Bruder_, Gilbert, and I trust you all to be nice to him."

There was a long meaningful pause until Ivan, a tall Russian kid with a scare factor that rivalled Herr B's, spoke up, "Your brother, sir? Really?" which pretty much summed up everyone's thoughts.

"_Ja_, he will be my fellow mentor this holiday. We will travel everywhere in his van."

"Van?" Elizaveta sounded horrified at the prospect, and she grabbed Roderich's, her on-off Austrian boyfriend, hand. (At the moment, they're on.) "_Szar_, I can't travel that way! My dress will rip!"

"Perhaps you should have thought about that before you wore a dress," Roderich commented drily, which is pretty much how he does everything. The guy looks like he's constipated or something, I mean, what the fuck. The Hungarian gave him a Look and dropped his hand. (Oh sorry, now they're off.)

"That is not my problem," Herr B said abruptly and turned away from us, signalling the conversation over. We all gave a collective sigh and began milling about. I turned to Antonio.

"Kill me."

"Okay. Right now?" Toni raised an eyebrow, something I really wish I could do.

"Yes," I replied. "And do it quickly. If I wanted slow death, I'd live through this week."

Toni laughed. "Come on, Lovi, it won't be that bad. You never know what might happen."

"_Vero_..." I looked round at our classmates, selecting my victim. My eyes landed on someone, and I grinned.

"Oh no." Toni followed my gaze. "Lovi, what are you planning?"

I winked at Toni and sat on my suitcase. "Bet you ten I can get Basch Zwingli to scream like a girl before the week is out."

"Seriously, that's how you get your kicks?" Toni shook his head. "_Lo siento_, Lovi, but I don't gamble."

"Come on," I whined, tugging on his arm. "I'll love you forever."

"You're supposed to do that anyway."

"Twenty."

"Done."

I was just rubbing my hands together in mock glee when a van pulled up in front of us. Well, I say van. It was more like an army truck, with added cheesy bumper stickers and tinted side windows. One look told me it may have once been a Ford Transit, but had now been reincarnated into something that didn't know the meaning of handbrakes.

"We're supposed to ride in _that_?" Alfred whispered into the shocked silence.

"With a sound like a gunshot, the front door banged open and a guy jumped out. Oh my god, serious albino alert. His hair was shiny white silver, and his eyes, I saw as he looked at us all, were literally bright red. A grin revealed a row of bright white pointy teeth, like a rat or something. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of what appeared to be – oh horror – an army general's jacket with the sleeves torn off. His jeans were fairly normal, but i didn't want to see his footwear. I forced myself to look down and face the monster that- _crocs. Ratman wears crocs. _I can't take this. I'm going to pass out. (I'm not gay, I just appreciate good clothing.)

"_Guten Tag, Bruder," _Herr B smiled and Fashion Disaster Ratman held out his arms. What followed was possibly the manliest hug I'd ever witnessed. You thought those things couldn't exist, you thought wrong. The testosterone nearly made me fucking gag.

Herr B and FDR chatted for a few minutes in German, and I didn't really pay attention because, well, I'd been sitting in a German class for half year doing just that, and I'm not one to break habits. However, I did pick up that Herr B was called Ludwig. Seriously, Ludwig. _Accidenti_, I'm never forgetting this. And neither will Luddy.

I started listening again when FDR turned away from Luddy and started talking to us. "Hey kids! My name's Gil, but you can call me Your Awesomeness!" _Oh Dio_, he's one of them. Who thinks they're so in with young people today.

"Yeah right, like that's ever happening," I muttered to Toni, who chuckled.

"_Alzo_, Gil and I will load the van with your luggage, then you can all pile on top." Luddy clapped his hands together and nodded at Gil, who clicked open the truck's doors and started throwing in bags like they were water balloons.

"Aren't there any seats?" Arthur Kirkland (_sí_, he's as posh as his name – although he used to be a real bad kid) asked. He looked as confused as I felt. They couldn't really expect us to-

"Nope, around the awesome me it's all free and wild!" Gil cackled, as him and Luddy continued to chuck our suitcases in. "Just put your head between your legs and pray if you're scared!"

"Surely you can't do that! It's illegal!" Eliza practically shrieked. Finally, someone with good hair and a lick of sense!

"She's right," Kiku spoke up. "it breaks just about every health and safety regulation in the book."

Gil shrugged. "Who's checking?"

I grabbed Toni and hid my face in his shoulder. "I hate Germany," I moaned.

"And just wait 'til we get to the highway," Luddy smiled a literal evil genius grin at us. "German motorways have no speed limits."

"Now hop in!" Gil sounded like he was on crack.

I looked at Toni. Toni took one glance at me and said, "You're going to throw up, aren't you, Lovi?"

* * *

**AN: This one really wasn't as long, but I don't care. It's just more of an introductory chapter really. I would've put it in with the first chapter, but that was too long already so meh. The real juicy stuff starts in the next chapter. L'honhonhonhon. Okay, the challenge I had in mind was to see if anyone who was reading could name all the countries who are part of the class in the story (this challenge is partly for my own enjoyment, partly as a trivia quiz and partly as I'm so lazy i don't want to name them all myself.) So go ahead and guess if you want to! Concrit is fine, warn me if I'm doing something wrong with the characters, don't forget to R&R!**

**Translations:  
Cazzo: ****_Italian _****Fuck  
Sehr gut: ****_German _****very good/great  
Alzo: ****_German _****So/okay/right then  
Pryvitannie: ****_Belorussian _****Hello  
Bonjour: ****_French _****Hello  
Pryvit: ****_Ukrainian _****Hello  
Privet: ****_Russian _****Hello  
Hola: ****_Spanish _****Hello  
Hallo: ****_German _****Hello/Hi  
Guten Tag: ****_German _****Good day  
Szia: ****_Hungarian _****Hello  
Kon'nichiwa, Beilschmidt-sensei: ****_Japanese _****Hello, Sir Beilschmidt (the -sensei suffix is for people of authority)  
Ciao: ****_Italian _****Hello  
Buongiorno: ****_Italian _****Good day  
Zu bitte: ****_German _****Excuse me/sorry  
Nĭ-hăo: ****_Mandarin Chinese _****Hello  
Mein Bruder: ****_German _****my brother  
Ja: ****_German _****yes  
Szar: ****_Hungarian _****shit  
Vero: ****_Italian _****true  
Lo siento: ****_Spanish _****Sorry  
Accidenti: ****_Italian _****Damn/Dammit  
Oh Dio: ****_Italian _****Oh God  
Sí: ****_Italian/Spanish _****yes**


	3. Bad Thoughts and Bubblegum

**AN: ****_Ciao_****, guys, I sort left this for s few days by accident but don't worry, I'm back already and this time, I brought a new chapter! This one's kinda long, sorry about that, but i really didn't know how to split it up evenly so I just sort of left it as it is. I also noticed TWO PEOPLE FOLLOWED THIS STORY. THANK YOU SO MUCH, I LOVE YOU GUYS. Two doesn't sound like a lot, but it is to me okay? So thanks to you, you awesome people. This chapter starts with Romano feels (at least they were to me) so I'm warning you now! Also, I think I'm just gonna make Hungary and Belarus best friends in this fic, mainly because I love the idea of them being friends even those it seriously doesn't make sense. Also, they have to best conversations, but** **you'll see why when you get there. Enjoy!**

* * *

Voices sounded out in the dark.

"What time is it?"

Rustling noises, then, "Nearly three o'clock. Which means four, German time."

A sigh. "Thanks."

I shifted myself around again and just stopped Antonio's sleeping form falling on me. The truck had looked spacious from the outside, but with us all inside, it was fucking cramped. I was squished between Antonio and Feliciano, who both had fallen asleep on me a while ago (of course, they hadn't stopped to ask _me _how I felt about that), and at least three people were spread across my legs. Judging by their weight and clothing, I guessed it was Basch, a Swiss nutcase, his adoptive sister Lili and that Ukrainian girl with the huge rack, Katyusha.

In the blackness created by the truck's tinted windows, I could just make out the curve of Toni's face where it snored away on my shoulder. I was subconsciously stroking his hair, I'd realised. Probably for quite a while now. Well, he has nice hair, in my defence. It's a lovely brown colour, with little streaks of auburn and gold where the sun bleached it. They match his green eyes perfectly, if you ask me. But, I mean, I'm only saying this from observation, you know, people with brown hair and green eyes have generally complimenting features. And you know, Toni is one of those people, in fact he probably counts as about six of those people, seeing as he is kind of hot. You know, to like the opposite gender and everything. Not to me, obviously. I've just noticed he's hot occasionally. I mean, Antonio's my best friend, of course I notice him a lot. And you know, it became increasingly apparent to me how attractive Toni is, that's all. Just a thought, once or twice a day. Or maybe three. Or every moment, but my point is, finding your best friend insanely attractive is a healthy thing, _ragione? No?_

I sighed again and clenched my stroking fist against Toni's shoulder. I'm not lying to you, dammit! Maybe I had realised quite a while ago I felt slightly different about Toni than he most definitely felt about me, but it's nothing, it's just some stupid little crush-puberty-crazy-ass-annoying-whatever-the-fuck-you-want-to-call-it thing, seriously. See, I admit it, that's the first step, right? And while we're on a whole truth-telling track here, I was kinda worried about the coming week. Well, maybe more than worried, but I fucking digress. I'm gonna have to share a room with Toni every night for a week. I mean, I don't think I talk in my sleep, but what if I do? And Toni hears something he really shouldn't? Oh _schifo_, I don't think I can do this. Oh my god, I almost forgot about my nightm-

I forced myself to calm down and stop freaking out like a bunch of Felicianos, and mentally I faced facts. Toni definitely didn't like me like I liked him, and I was totally cool with that. Totally. So there was no reason to be scared for this week. I mean, I didn't exactly know for certain that Toni didn't like me, but let's be fucking realistic here. Why would he? And no way was I about to let myself hope he did. I knew what hoping led to. I'd been there. Further and then back to earth with a bump. Without even the t-shirt to show for it.

At this point, I told myself thinking about it wasn't going to help me, so i struggled my arm out from under Feli (my _fratello_'s a dead weight, seriously) and twisted sideways until my cheek just rested against Toni's head. Then I shut my eyes and determinedly thought about tomatoes until sleep overcame me.

* * *

"Lovino?"

"_Sí, bastardo_?"

"Why are you eating my cereal bar?"

"Because you're not."

"But I wanted it."

"Well, you should've eaten it then."

"I was going to."

"You were too slow."

"Lovino!"

"It's mine now."

"I hate you."

"_Ti volgio bene troppo_, Feli."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

I slumped over my own cereal, not even having the energy to tell the Vargas twins to shut up myself. Normally, I'd find their petty arguments cute, but right now I was just too drained. Last night when we'd pulled up to the hotel, me, Ivan, Alfred and Yao had literally been the only ones out of our classmates still awake, so between the four of us, Herr B and Gil, we'd had to haul the thirteen kids out of the van, up the stairs and into their respective rooms before finally collapsing ourselves into our own beds. Add that to the fact I'd been woken up at five a.m. by a wasp buzzing through our room (how Lovi had slept through the ensuing Fight to the Death, Antonio vs. Wasp, I'll never know), and I was feeling pretty exhausted.

"Can't you guys keep quite for _une minutes_?" Francis complained from down the table. Lovi and Feli turned to look at him in sync, shrugged simultaneously and said, "Probably not, no," together. Twins, I say. You should fear them.

"Hey, Toni," I heard Lovi call my name and looked up blearily to see him narrowing his eyes at me. "_Stai bene_?"

I nodded and started munching down my cereal again. "Just about, yeah."

"You look pretty tired."

"Aw, is Lovi worried about me?" I giggled and slurped down some peach tea (Advantages of Germany No. 3: They sell European peach tea, which is way better than the English one.)"That makes me so happy!"

"You just look tired, is all I'm saying. Jesus," Lovi rolled his eyes and returned to Feli's cereal bar and consequently, their argument.

Luckily, the peach tea was a literal caffeine shot so I was wide awake and perky by the time Herr b rounded us up from the breakfast bar and herded us along the streets of Düsseldorf (the German shepherd puns kept Lovino laughing for fifteen minutes). Today we were going into the town centre for some sight-seeing, and honestly I was sort of excited.

"Do you think we'll go to an ice-skating rink? Can you see any German traffic lights? How come we're walking there?" I bombarded Lovi with questions, flicking through the workbook Herr B had given us at a lightning fast pace.

"No to the second, don't know to the third, I hope not to the first." Lovi stuck his hands in his pockets and popped his bubblegum in a bored fashion.

"You're determined not to enjoy this, aren't you?" I crossed my arms indignantly.

Lovi grunted.

"If you're going to be this unsociable, maybe I'll go and walk with Al."

"Go right ahead."

"Or maybe with Roderich."

"Be my guest."

"In fact, I might just go with Bella."

"You wouldn't dare, you bastard."

"I laughed and linked my arm with Lovino's. "Don't worry, _mi querido_, I'm staying right here with you." Lovino didn't answer but I saw a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "Now let's play, rock, paper, scissors or something, yeah?"

I was on a winning game with 18 games to six when we arrived in the town square. Herr B took the register again, then split us into two groups, one for him and one for Gil. We were in Gil's group and would spend the morning seeing the sights before meeting up the other group for lunch and going ice skating in the afternoon.

Our group of eight was made up of me, Lovi, Elizaveta, Matthew, Yao, Feli, Francis and Nataylia, which at first made me happy as I liked all these people (well, I like everyone, but still) until i realised that Matthew, Yao and I were the only ones actually interested in anything around us. Eliza and Nat were discussing veritable shopping destinations for later (at least, I thought it was shopping – I heard mention of something like 'yaoi' which I assumed was a shop name), Francis was creeping out poor Feli and Lovi was trailing silently behind me, popping bubbles annoyingly.

"Are you going to even try to listen?" I hissed despairingly at him, after the ninth pop (I counted).

Lovi smiled stickily. "I am listening. I'm just not taking it in."

I shook my head. "You're unbelievable."

"And don't you love it."

"Antonio!" That was Yao. "Gil is trying to talk. Shut up!"

"My cue to leave," Lovi muttered as I turned back to the front. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slink back to join Eliza and Nat, dragging Feli with him on the way past. Pretty soon they were all giggling madly away.

When we met up with Herr B's group about an hour later for lunch at a street corner café, I'd taken about six thousand pictures and filled in all the questions of the day. Smugly, I watched as Eliza joined Roderich, Nat went off to chase Ivan, Feli went on a quest for Kiku and Lovi came back to me. I slapped my full workbook proudly down on the table in front of him.

Lovi smiled at me. "_Grazie_, Toni," he said, then pulled out his own workbook and started copying off me.

I sat down at the table with a thump. "I hate you."

"Mmm, whatever, _spagnolo_," Lovi replied absently.

"Honestly, would it hurt you to concentrate for once?" I asked crossly.

"I did concentrate," Lovi looked up at me. "i made a point of counting every piece of dog shit we passed. There were over forty, so I deduced we'd been intricately lied to by Luddy, Gil and the air flight company, and that we're actually in Madrid."

I punched him hard for that.

"Luddy? Who's that?" I asked him while he was rubbing his arm.

"_Signore _Beilschmidt's first name is Ludwig," Lovi grinned wickedly.

"No way!" i laughed, and just like that, my bad mood evaporated. We were best friends again, and chatted all the way through lunch and all the way to the ice rink.

Things changed when we were in the locker rooms. We'd collected our skates and helmets ("They gave me a fucking FAIRY helmet?!" Lovi shrieked until Herr B threatened him to shut up) and dunked our bags in the lockers. I had just tied my laces and was testing my balance when i noticed Lovino. He'd hung up his "_I Heart_ _Roma_" hoodie and taken his shoes off like everyone else, but was now standing in his socks, staring at the skates with a pale face.

"Lovi?" I wobbled over to him. "_¿Que es?"_

"Um, Toni," Lovi looked up at me with wide eyes. "I've, um, I've never actually been ice skating before."

I stared at him. "You're joking!" He shook his head. "Well, it's okay! I know how, I'll help you!"

"Really?"

"Of course! Get your skates on and follow me!"

It turned out neither of the Vargas twins had ever been ice skating, so I dedicated my next hour to showing them how to skate. Nat, being Belorussian after all, had taken charge of Francis, who barely knew either, while Matthew and Yao struggled by themselves. Eliza was already gliding round the rink like an experienced skater, and on seconds thoughts, she probably was.

Thankfully, Lovino and Feliciano picked up skating pretty quickly and we were skimming around the sides in no time at all.

"Bet you I can go straight across the middle," Lovi sang, zipping straight past us.

"Lovino, wait for me!" Feli shouted back, speeding up to join his brother. They continued racing each other around the rink, with Lovi proving he _could_ skate across the middle several times, while I followed lazily behind, watching them. I know i said twins are kind of scary, but that doesn't stop them being cute. Especially when they're non-identical lovable Italian nutcases!

I was drifting along so absently that I didn't notice the careering figure of Matthew, arms flailing, legs going everywhere, heading towards me at breakneck speed. I only vaguely registered Feli's cry of, "ANTONIO!" and looked up in time to see the Canadian crash straight into me. I flew backwards, winded, hit the ice with a loud _crack _and blacked out.

* * *

You know when people go unconscious, and they describe themselves as waking up slowly and comfortably? Well, that's not how it was for me at all. One moment I was floating in a dreamlike state though my mind, then suddenly colours and sounds and sensations and memories flooded back in with sickening clarity. My eyes shot open and I rocked forward into a sitting position, gasping.

"Antonio! Oh _grazie a Dio_, you're awake!" Lovino was instantly by my side, supporting my back and holding me as my breathing slowed.

"_¿Que...que paśe?" _I panted, and paused for an answer. After an awkward silence, I realised no-one in the room spoke Spanish and tried again. "What happened, Lovi?"

"I'm so sorry, Antonio, I couldn't control my feet!" Matthew practically sobbed beside me, his soft Canadian accent filled with sadness. "Are you hurt? How does your head feel? Oh maple, I hope you're not concussed!"

"Matthew, try to calm down." Gil's strange, sharp voice sounded somewhere above me. "Antonio, can you stand?"

"I-I think so," I murmured, and struggled to my feet. My vision wobbled a bit, and I had a splitting headache, but nothing felt broken.

Gil's face appeared in front of me, his red eyes searching. "What's your name?"

"An, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo."

"Where were you born?"

"Barcelona, Spain."

"What underwear are you wearing?"

"Um, red ones with- hey!"

Gil laughed and straightened up. "he's not concussed, just dazed. He'll be fine in ten minutes," he told Matthew and Lovi.

Matthew spent the next ten minutes hampering me with relief and apologies and I'll-make-it-up-to-yous while Lovi guided me off to rink and onto a bench. There, Lovi threatened Matthew with the Mafia (a little OTT, I thought, but it got him to leave) and then sat down next to me.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"My head hurts, but otherwise I'm brilliant," I said cheerfully. "You don't need to worry about me at all."

But of course Lovi worried, all the way back to the hotel, all the way through dinner and rec hour. Of course, whenever I teased him about it, he got all huffy and told me I was overreacting and he was only worried because otherwise he'd have to be guiding me around for the rest of the week or something. He finally shut up when we were called down by Herr B and Gil for what they described as a 'little get-together'. Naturally, I was scared.

"He's probably planning to murder us all bloodily," Lovi assured me as we descended the stairs to the reception.

"Surprisingly, Lovi, that didn't make me feel better," I muttered shakily.

"Come on, Toni, cheer up!" Lovi pulled me down the last few steps and into the hall, where the others were hanging around. "He'll probably just make us play games or something."

It turned out Lovino was right – we did play a game. We were sat in a circle and had to stand up and say an interesting fact about ourselves. I kept mine pretty boring and just said that i couldn't roll my tongue into a cylinder like pretty much everyone else in the room, but everyone else kept theirs interesting. Lovi told us about his chorea and how he was healed by learning to dance the tarantella. Kat explained about how scared she'd been when she'd left her family and came to a new school and how she was that she'd made such good friends with all us Europeans.

"Ukraine is so separate from here, I was worried I'd be lonely, but you're all so lovely!"

Ivan made us laugh by saying his only friend growing up was a yeti, until we realised he was serious and things got awkward. Alfred said how confused he'd first been by the European spelling of quiche, and Bella surprised us all by saying she was Gold Bar 2 in dance. Lil started by dribbling on about how lovely Basch was as her adoptive brother, who started looking shifty. Then she got teary about the fact that Basch and Roderich weren't friends anymore, and things got even more awkward. Eventually, Herr B sent us to bed the tension in the room was about to suffocate us all.

Back in our room, I changed into my Barcelona FC pyjamas and sat on my bed, flicking through the pictures I'd taken, while Lovi claimed the bathroom. When he finally came out, I looked up to tell him off for taking so long, but when I saw him, I couldn't get the words out. Lovi was wearing literally nothing except black Calvin Klein boxer shorts, revealing quite a lot of his skinny, tanned body. I widened my eyes and bit my lip.

"What's the matter?" Lovi asked when he caught me staring at him.

"Nothing, I just..." I coughed and looked down, blushing slightly. "You're just, uh, not wearing much."

Lovi ran his hand through his dark hair and shifted from foot to foot nervously. "I can put a t-shirt on if you want," he said quickly. "It's just I usually sleep like this, and i didn't realise-"

"It's fine," I smiled at him, my eyes not moving from his face. "You can stay like that."

Lovi smiled in relief and went to switch the light off while I put my camera away. We climbed into our beds and lay in silence for a few seconds before Lovi whispered, "_Buonanotte_, Antonio."

"_Buenas noches_, Lovino_, mi querido_," i smiled into the darkness. I rolled over and was asleep almost immediately.

I was woken abruptly later in the night by Lovino's screaming.

* * *

**AN: I am well aware I am a mean bitch, you don't need to tell me. xD Next chapter will be up soon, don't worry, and that's when the FUUUN starts! Concrit is fine, warn me if my characterization is wrong, don't forget to R&R, my lovelies!**

**Translations:  
Ragione?: ****_Italian _****Right?  
Schifo: ****_Italian _****shit  
Fratello: ****_Italian_**** brother  
Sí: ****_Italian/Spanish _****Yes  
Bastardo: ****_Italian _****bastard  
Ti volgio bene troppo: ****_Italian _****I love you too (Platonic sense - non-platonic is "ti amo" (I know this, I'm Italian.))  
Une minutes: ****_French _****One minute  
Stai bene?: ****_Italian _****Are you alright?  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****My dear  
Grazie: ****_Italian_**** Thank you  
Spagnolo: ****_Italian _****Spaniard  
Signore: ****_Italian _****sir/mr  
¿Que es?: ****_Spanish _****What is it?  
Grazie a Dio: ****_Italian _****Thank God  
¿Que paśe?: ****_Spanish _****What happened?  
Buonanotte: ****_Italian_**** Goodnight  
Buenas noches: ****_Spanish _****Goodnight**


	4. Penny in the Air

**AN: oh fuck. This chapter was so hard to write. I'm not gonna say why, I guess when you read it, it's kind of obvious. But oh god, why am I so personal in my stories? Argh. I'll just say, writing this made me bite the holy hell out of my lip. And not in a sexual way. Eh, I'll shut up now and let you guys read. I made you wait after all. Rated T for Roma's bad language. If you get the obscure reference to a certain sci-fi/fantasy TV series**** in the title of this chapter, I love you. ^^**

* * *

"Lovino!" In seconds I was out of bed, across the room and by his side. "Lovi, wake up!"

He looked terrible. His face was buried into his pillow, making his cries muffled but still easily heard. His body was covered in a sheen of sweat and his fingernails were digging so hard into his arm they were drawing blood.

"Lovi, please wake up!" I shook him, but he lashed out wildly at me and I had to duck to avoid being hit. He flipped over and I saw his pained expression. Someone was hurting him so badly he was screaming.

Blindly, I staggered to my bedside table, grabbed my bottle of water, unscrewed the lid and hurried back to Lovi. Without a pause, I tipped the whole thing over his face.

Lovi's body spasmed again and his cries immediately subsided into sobs. His eyes slammed open and found me. All at once, he rocked forward and buried his head in my shoulder, his body shaking as he cried. "I'm so sorry, Antonio...I didn't want to...it was so..."

I patted his shoulder awkwardly and said 'there, there' occasionally as he cried it out. I didn't really know what to do – I'd never actually seen my Lovi cry before. It sounded strange to me now I thought about it, but it was true. Lovino Vargas doesn't cry. He'd even said so himself once.

Eventually, Lovi looked up and wiped his puffy eyes. "Give me a minute," he whispered and shot into the bathroom before I could argue.

I shrugged and busied myself by re-arranging his complete mess of a bed. I then sat on the mattress, cross-legged and waited silently for him to return.

When he walked back in, I was kind of shocked. He'd towelled himself down, washed his face, brushed out his hair and put on a t-shirt while in there, and now stood on the carpet, arms crossed. He looked like he'd just been showering, not having a violent nightmare.

"C'mon Toni, get off my bed," he said, sounding bored and completely normal. I couldn't believe it.

"No way," I replied stubbornly. "I'm not getting out until-"

"Fine," Lovi interrupted, not making eye contact with me. "If that's how you're going to be." And he walked over to my bed, got in, pulled the duvet over himself and lay down, facing the wall.

Immediately, I was over by my bed and climbing in. Lovi turned over, saw me and was up like a shot. "_Ché cazzo _do you think you're doing?!"

"Not leaving you alone," I said calmly. "Now," I commanded, as I lay back against the headboard and crossed my arms. "Tell me what happened, Lovino."

* * *

"Now," Toni demanded coolly. "Tell me what happened, Lovino."

_We're like, in bed together and you want to talk about my fucking nightmares? _I nearly screamed at him, but my throats hurt already from my previous adventures and anyway, he'd just ask why it bothered me so much. Instead, I simply said no.

"Lovi!" Woah, Toni was _angry_. Well, too bad. He doesn't need to burden himself with my problems, and I told him so.

"It wouldn't be a burden, Lovi," he said quietly. Sadly. "I want to know."

Hahahahaha, um, _perché_?

"Because I care about you."

Pull the other one.

"Lovino!"

"Hey, don't shake me!" I slapped his hands away angrily.

"Then tell me! Please!"

"It was just a nightmare! Why does it matter so much?"

"You were in pain, Lovi. I saw you. Someone was _hurting _you." He clenched his teeth.

"It was just a one-off thing."

"You've had that nightmare before. Lots of times." He said it casually, matter-of-fact, and I froze.

"How did you know that?"

"Nobody's that good at pretending nothing happened first time round, Lovi." He looked at me with those damn puppy eyes of his and reached out to twine his fingers through mine.

I pulled my hand away instinctively. I know better than to let my guard down. "You'd be happier not knowing," I whispered, looking down at my hands, clenched on my lap.

Toni reached out to clasp my fists in his own tanned hands. "I think it's time you stopped deciding what would and wouldn't make other people happy, Lovino."

I wanted to scream at him to shut up, to blow him off and ignore him, to laugh at his stupidly emotional expression. I wanted things to be how they were this morning, so normal and comical it made me feel sick. But I couldn't. Not now and most definitely not here. And not to Toni.

I sighed. "So, like, basically, they're a memory. The same memory. Only like, a billion times worse cause, well, I know what's going to happen."

Toni stared at me. "You mean someone actually did hurt you?"

"Yeah, but not as bad as it sounds. It happens several times," I shrugged. "The nightmare sort of amalgamates them all into one."

"Wait you've been beaten up more than once and you've never told anybody?!" Toni looked horrified. "_Mierda_, Lovi, why?"

"C'mon!" I nearly laughed. "They happened ages ago. And anyway, skinny guy like me, takes care of his hair, weird accent – I was bound to be a target, wasn't I?"

"When did all of this happen?" Toni was Mr _Serio _all over again.

"Mostly when me and Feli first moved to the area with _Nonno_," I explained coolly. "We both got a lot of unwanted attention at that point, but since _fratello_'s a wimp and my mouth tends to have a mind of it's own, I got targeted more often."

"Who did it?" Toni questioned urgently. "Anyone we know?"

"I don't remember really," I replied calmly. "I guess just ignorant bastards who thought it was funny to give Italians Chinese burns, bruises and broken noses that would last all week. I guess it wasn't like I could really stand up for myself."

Toni turned away from me, his jaw clenched. He looked really scary all of a sudden, I realised. I peered at him, confused. "You look like you could kill someone."

"I think I could right now."

"Woah, someone is on the wrong side of the bed."

"It's not funny, Lovino!"

"Why are you so angry?"

Toni looked at me like I had three heads (imagine having three heads? It'd be horror trying to find t-shirts that fit.) "Because someone dared to hurt my Lovi, that's why!"

I'd never used the word 'dude' in a sentence before, that was something that American freak did more often, but somehow it felt applicable right now. "Dude, you can't really care about me that much."

"Why not?" Toni asked, confused. His expression was adorable. Uh, I mean-

The question caught me off-guard. "Well, I mean," I stammered (stammering, _how embarrassing_), "It's not like we're, you know, and there's no reason, uh, what I'm saying is-"

"Lovi."

"_Sí?_"

"Shut up."

I pushed him off the bed.

I sat there, arms crossed and refusing to help him as pulled himself up onto the bed again. "Never tell me to shut up again, _bastardo_."

"Noted," Antonio nodded. He looked a bit shaken. Wonder why. "I only said it because I realised something."

"What?"

"You don't think I care about you." There he goes again, with that stupid ass serious voice he does when he knows he's telling the truth. He knows it makes me guilty, fuck it, _he knows-_

"Well, it's not that, it's just-"

"What?"

"I just, well, I didn't expect you to." I turned away, my cheeks reddening. That was possibly the most honest thing I'd ever said to Toni.

"But Lovi, I'm your best friend." Toni looked confused again. _Accidenti_, that's the point!

"What is?"

My eyes widened as I realised I'd said that out loud. Hurriedly, I covered it up with more unspoken truths, seeing as I was on a roll here. "Why are you friends with me? If I was you, I wouldn't be friends with me. Hell, even though I'm still me, I don't want to be within ten miles of me most of the time. I suck serious balls! But you, you think I'm actually worth spending time with. You _want _to be my friend. Before you, the only friend I had was Feliciano, and he's my fucking twin brother!"

Toni was leaning away from me, like my words had some sort of physical force. "I had no idea," he whispered.

I immediately felt bad. "Of course you didn't," I mumbled. "I never gave you reason to suspect, did I?"

Toni reached out his hand, and I recoiled immediately. The hand clenched into a fist. "You really hate yourself, don't you."

Aaaaand, that was it. I'd reached my limit for one night. I'd done enough rule breaking tonight to knock the last five years of hard work flat on it's back. Sullenly, I slid into a lying down position and pulled the duvet over myself, stubbornly ignoring the fact that the whole bed smelt of Toni. "This conversation is over," I announced.

I heard Toni sigh. "If you say so, _mi querido_." He lay down next to me.

"Hey!" I flipped over and started elbowing him. "Get out of the fucking bed!"

"Why?" he said, oh-so-innocently. "It's technically _my _bed."

I shook my head and flipped back. "Fine. Whatever. Just don't come onto me." He started to pull me into an embrace. "Stop it! No way am I spooning with you!"

Toni laughed. _At least he's sounding normal again. _"Well, I'm here if you're up for it later," he smirked, and I just knew he'd winked at me.

I stayed still for ages, until I was sure he'd fallen asleep. But then, because I was feeling cold (obviously), I rolled over and (accidentally) straight into his open arms. The bastard was lying in wait!

Well, obviously, I couldn't move then or I'd wake him up, so I settled myself with my head against Toni's chest (otherwise I'd be, like, crushing his arm or whatever) and let myself relax into a well-deserve sleep. Just as I was drifting off, I felt Toni's arms tightening around me and his voice in my ear, "_Buenas noches_, Lovino, _mi amor_."

In the morning, I'd swear I'd imagined it.

* * *

_You can't hide forever, you know. It's only a bathroom, not a military fortress._

Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean I'm moving.

_You wimp. You've got to go out there sometime._

No, I don't. I'll escape through the window and hitchhike my way back home.

_Oh yeah? And what about your clothes and shit?_

Shut up. I'm ignoring you.

_You can't ignore your own mind, sweetheart._

I slapped myself in the forehead and winced when it hurt. I hated losing arguments against my stupid brain. It was like losing against your own high score or being liked more over the Internet than face to face.

I was sitting in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror and praying that a freak storm would come and wreck the hotel so I wouldn't have to face today. I'd woken up earlier than Toni, and after a few lovely seconds of ignorance, I'd realised the exact implications of what had happened the night before and started hyperventilating. I'd told Toni _Things_. Like, Things. With a capital fucking T. How did that bastard even get those things out of me? I'd spent countless hours building up my reputation, determined to never have to tell anyone the shit I'd said last night, and in a mere twelve hours, I'd been ruined. Ruined.

I cracked my knuckles out of habit and pushed my Gok Wan glasses further up my nose. I hated these things, but I couldn't be bothered to put my contacts in. The fact that I was hiding fully dressed with nothing else to do didn't even sway my laziness. I wasn't leaving. How could I even look Toni in the eye after last night? He'd want to talk more as well, and because he's so damn insensitive he'd probably bring it up at breakfast or something like that. I don't _want _to talk about it. I wish it had never happened. Dammit, where's a hole in the floor leading to hell when you need one?

I was dragged quickly out of my thoughts by a fast rap on the door, accompanied by a cheery whistling. Oh god. Not now. I hadn't even climbed out of the window yet.

"Lovino, are you coming out anytime soon?"

If you be quiet, maybe he'll go away.

"Lovino, breakfast is being served."

I'll eat the fucking soap before I leave this room.

"They're making waffles with Nutella."

I'd unlocked the door before he'd even finished. "This is for the Nutella, not you," I said gruffly, before yanking my Vans on and marching out of the room.

"Lovi!" Toni ran to catch up with me. "Listen, Lovi, I've been thinking-"

"Please don't. You might pop an artery."

"Hahaha, that's good! Anyway, I decided that-"

"You were going to leave me alone?"

"Listen, Lovi, I just wanted to suggest-"

"Shut up!" I rounded on Toni angrily, shoving him against the wall and bunching my fists near his face. I couldn't let him talk like this. "I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to talk about it, okay? Everything that was said was left back in the bedroom last night, and right now it's daytime and I just want everything to be fucking normal! Can't you pretend for twelve hours it never happened? Please, Toni!"

"Someone's disappointed with their delivery," a voice trilled from behind us, and I looked up to see Francis raising an eyebrow (how come everyone can fucking do that except me?) at us suggestively, hand on his hip. Behind him, Matthew and Ivan were watching us, with Matthew standing on tiptoes to see over the Russian's shoulder. When did those fuckers get here?

"Francis, you're so sick," I clenched my teeth and dropped my arms from the wall behind Toni.

"I was only picking up bits and pieces, _mon ami_," Francis shrugged, and walked past us towards the stairs. "But just in case you need any advice, you just come talk to me! You know that I can show-"

"Just shut up, Frenchie."

"Whatever you say, _mon cher. _By the way, I did not know you wore glasses. They are gorgeous!"

My hands flapped up to my face in surprise and I felt that, indeed, I was still wearing my glasses. "I, uh, don't wear them often," I struggled lamely, glancing around for a conversation changer. I looked back at Ivan and Matt still standing in the hall and stuck my hands in my pockets as coolly as I could. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," the Canadian practically squeaked, and grabbed Ivan's arm to pull him past us as well. However, Ivan stopped next to me and smiled creepily.

"You should get angry more, Lovino. It's very funny to watch."

I was about to make a snappy retort but Ivan turned and walked away. Bastard, I wasn't done! Sulkily, I turned back to Toni and saw him looking at me with interest. "_Ché?_"

"I'll pretend everything is normal if you really want, Lovi. Just don't get angry at everyone, okay?"

I was taken aback by his thoughtfulness. "Well, yeah, that is what I want! You're right. We are not talking about it today. Good. I'm glad."

"Okay," Toni nodded. "But you were wrong, Lovi."

"About what? What did I say?"

"You said last night that this conversation is over," he winked at me. "And sorry, _mi querido_, but it's not."

"Why not?" I tensed.

"Just accept it, Lovino. You are not getting out of this one." Toni smiled and put a hand on his hip. "Don't get angry. Just accept it."

I glared at him for being so mature. "Whatever. Fine."

"Yay! So anyway," Toni linked his arm through mine and started towards the stairs as well. "As I was about to say earlier, before you interrupted me with the shouting and the anger and you know, Francis turned up and everything, I decided that today, since we're going shopping and everything, we should totally go scout out some good German shops!"

I stopped still. "You mean," my mind raced through his words with growing horror. "You were trying to talk to me about...shopping?"

"Well, yeah," Toni looked confused. "What did you think I was talking about?"

I facepalmed.

* * *

**AN: Holy crapola, what am I writing. I- Jesus. Don't talk to me. Don't. (By the way, if you're confused as to why Romano's POV has changed from casual to more uptight and angry, I figured his mood change would bring in a new wave of cussing and sarcasm, so next time it's from Roma's point of view and he's not being trapped in a session of 20 Q, it'll probably be more relaxed again. Sorry if I mindfucked anybody. Send me love through reviews and favourites and follows, people! I like it.)**

**Translations:  
Ché cazzo: ****_Italian _****what the fuck  
Perché?: ****_Italian _****Why?  
Mierda: ****_Spanish _****shit  
Serio: ****_Italian _****serious  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****grandad/grandpa  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****brother  
Sí: ****_Italian/Spanish _****yes  
Bastardo: ****_Italian _****bastard  
Accidenti: ****_Italian _****Damn/Dammit  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****my dear  
Buenas noches: ****_Spanish _****Goodnight  
Mi amor: ****_Spanish _****my love  
Mon ami: ****_French _****my friend  
Ché: ****_Italian _****What**


	5. Italians don't like Haribo

**AN: I give an overdue apology for the crazy-ass late update. I also give a premature apology for the absolute shitness of this chapter, but I just wanted to get something up and give a little recount of their next day in Munich before we get to the SRS BSNSS of the night with Spain and Roma. I suck at Spain's POV, I know. I think I need a Beta reader who will just put a hand on my shoulder and say, "Girl, you can't put this up cause the universe will exile you." But I don't, so here it is! Again, sorry for shitness. I was stuck for ideas. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

Lovino was staring at me like I was a crazy person. "Toni, there is seriously something wrong with you."

"No there isn't." I argued. "It would work, I promise!"

Lovi pushed it away. "Toni, can't you see that's it's just a crime?"

I waved the hangers around again, their garments spinning wildly. "¡_No es_! Just put it on and you'll see!"

Lovi threw his hands in the air and groaned at me. "Antonio, you can't wear stripes with another striped garment! And the socks are completely the wrong colour! You call yourself a professional?"

I crossed my arms at him. "How would you wear it then?"

Lovi contemplated the outfit again, and then nodded. "I would swap the jacket for a casual blazer, possibly with striped inside sleeves to compliment the jeans, then change the top for something of a lighter shade that the socks could work with, possibly a _celeste_."

I shook my head. "Prove it."

He snatched the jeans and socks off me and went off in search of a blazer and blue shirt. Sighing, I sat on one of the seats reserved for the bored relatives of whoever was in the changing room, and laid the clothes on the floor. I don't argue with Lovi about much, except for fashion. He doesn't seem to appreciate my outlandish and colourfulstyle, whereas the casual chic designs he puts together appear too boring for my taste. It's the same every time we go shopping...luckily for us, Germany turns out to have some AMAZING shopping areas, and the €130 I brought with me was dwindling fast.

Lovi rushed back in with the new garments in his arms, and pouted at me before swishing into the cubicle. He literally swished, like a grumpy ballerina or something. It made me laugh, and I thumbed through the articles on the 'ditch' rack whilst waiting.

The day was turning out pretty good so far, and I'd proudly stuck to my promise. Like I'd said, I wasn't talking about it. Lovino wasn't either, and he was doing an amazing job of pretending like absolutely nothing was wrong. It worried me, watching him comment and joke to everyone so casually. I mean, don't get me wrong, seeing Lovi happy makes me happy too, but it was scary the way he could be pissed and upset and nervous all at once, like he was about to fall apart, and then he could just shrug back his shoulders and slap his face and smile and suddenly he was fine – if you hadn't seen him two seconds before, you'd genuinely believe he was feeling great. I'd not seen him drop his guard today, not once. It was scary.

"Antonio!" I heard a voice behind me, and mentally shook myself before turning around. Bella, looking adorable in a green knit jumper and leggings, was twirling in front of the mirror. "Hey! How do I look?"

"Cute," I found myself saying.

Bella giggled and tugged the jumper down. "I don't know, it might work better in beige or metallic, do you think?"

"Of course not," another voice chimed in, and Nat marched in carrying pretty much an entire wardrobe in her arms. Lili trailed in after her, voicing her agreement before slipping into a cubicle of her own.

"You think?" Bella rolled her shoulders and put her head on an angle.

"Positive," Nat nodded, and adjusted her mountain of clothes before turning to me. "You trying anything on, Toni?"

I gestured to the six bags by my feet. "I think I've got enough right now," I smiled. "I'm just waiting on Lovi."

"Not anymore," Lovi pushed the curtain aside and walked out, rolling up the sleeves of the blazer smoothly.

Nat and Bella went _ooh _and immediately started complimenting the outfit. "Wow, the blazer really edges it up!" "I love how the shirt and socks coordinate!" "Those jeans look so good on you!"

Lovi rolled his eyes but accepted the compliments, flexing his arms to observe the outfit in its entirety. "What do you think?" He turned to me.

I paused, and took in the clothes. I guess it did look good, even if my green jacket would have worked much better. "_Fabuloso_," I winked.

"_Grazie_," Lovi replied, and he looked like he was about to say more but at that moment, Lili walked out of her cubicle wearing a soft purple dress and he was caught up in the passing comments over how it looked.

I raised an eyebrow and gathered up the bags piled around me, knowing we'd be leaving soon. We shopped with the girls, a thing Lovi and I had on decided long ago. They gave better advice than Yao or Alfred ever did, let's face it. They just wanted to look at comics or a new video game – if you wanted to clothes-shop properly, you had to be hooked. I certainly was, and even though he'd never admit it, Lovi was too. Feliciano was as bad, if not worse, than us, but he'd been convinced by Kiku and Ivan to tail along with them today, which made me sad, but couldn't be helped, right?

The girls and Lovi put their original clothes back on and the five of us bundled towards to checkout, gathering up Eliza and Kat on the way out (two guys, five girls and we're not feeling surrounded? Pssh, so?) and practically falling through the exit. Well, we were carrying enough items to sink a battleship.

"Let's get hot chocolate?" Lili suggested, shivering in the cold. There were rumours of snow, but I wasn't buying it. It was cold, sure, but snow?

"Good idea," Kat agreed, and we set off in search of a cafe of some sort. I walked slowly, just taking in the sights around me. Someone fell into step beside me, and I looked up to see Eliza looking at me.

"You okay, Toni?" She smiled warmly, and I shrugged back.

"Okay."

"Anything wrong?"

"Just tired, I guess."

"Are you sure?"

I glanced up at her and saw she was looking past me at Lovino, who was arguing with Nat about the practicalities of denim; _avant-garde _or _passé_? "What?" I followed her gaze.

"You're worrying about somebody, and my guess is it's Lovino," she sighed at me.

"How did you guess?" I stretched and squinted at her.

"Who else would you be worried about?" Eliza grinned knowingly. "You should talk to him, you know."

I watched the Italian as he fiddled with his shopping bags. "I know. He won't let me."

"Then force him!"

"Woah, calm down!" I held up my hands and Eliza dropped the warlike expression.

"I'm just saying. You guys are so close, I'm sure he'd talk if you just confronted him."

"I don't know, Eliza. He's keeping pretty guarded about this one."

"Oh please, if he'll talk to anyone, he'll talk to you, Toni. Please say you'll do it? For me?"

"Why do you care?" I surprised myself with the stubbornness of my sentence.

"Because your fashion knowledge goes down when you're preoccupied." Eliza looked at me like it was obvious. "Tell you what, if you do this, I'll record you and Lovino make-up kissing afterwards!"

I nearly fell over. "¿Elizaveta, _qué demonios_?"

"C'mon, you can tell me!" Eliza raised an eyebrow and leaned towards me, whispering conspiratorially. "Everyone knows you and Lovino are a _thing_."

I blinked at her. "A thing?"

"Yes!" She nodded at me enthusiastically. "You are, right? A couple, I mean."

My mouth dropped open. "No!"

"_Komolyan_?" Eliza looked confused. "But. You must be. I mean, it's so obvious he has a-"

"Eliza!" Bella swept in between us and grabbed Eliza's arm. "Come with me to order the hot chocolate!"

"O-okay..." Eliza allowed herself to be dragged off but looked back at me, furrowing her eyebrows. I saw we had indeed arrived at a cafe, and sat down at the table that Kat and Lili had claimed for us. My mind, however, was a million miles away. People thought me and Lovino were in a relationship? Where had that come from? We were just friends! Wasn't it clear? And what about what Eliza had been about to say before Bella interrupted? It had been about Lovi, but what? _Mierda_, I was so confused.

Could I ask Lovi about it? Yeah, maybe he knows something. He always seems to hear things, so maybe he's heard rumours like that. Hey, maybe he'd been telling everyone they weren't true, which was why Eliza was so determined to find out the truth from me! Yeah, that had to be it!

Smiling, I leaned back in my chair, proud of myself for figuring it out.

"Something's made you happy, Toni."

Speak of the devil. Lovino stood in front of me, carrying two mugs of hot chocolate. He put them on the table and pushed one towards me. "Care to explain?"

"Maybe later," I shrugged, and took a long drink from the mug. Mmm, that was better.

"Mr Secretive much," Lovi rolled his eyes but smiled.

"You can talk."

The second I'd said it, I wanted to take it back. If I'd had a hand free, I would have even clapped my hand over my own mouth. Lovi's eyes went hard in half a second, and he gripped his mug tightly, turning his knuckles white. I felt myself blush and bit my lip.

"I'm sorry." He turned away from me and started talking to the others, who had just arrived with their own hot chocolates. _Way to go, Antonio._

He ignored me the entire time we sat there, and even though I tried to involve myself in their conversation, Lovi acted frostier than the weather. Eventually I gave up and drank my hot drink, feeling guilty as hell. How could I apologise? He hadn't even let me reply then. And Lovi was so stubborn; I knew _he_ wasn't going to talk to _me_. So I did what I always did when I knew Lovi's going to be in a bad mood. I cheered myself up and acted like it had never happened. I could always win him round that way.

As we were walking back to the arranged meeting place, I stuck myself to Lovi's side determinedly.

"¡_Hola, mi querido_!" I practically sang. I waited for the usual grumpifed response that would come. This routine was tradition; I'd get him smiling again in four moves.

So it didn't half surprise me when Lovi looked away from his conversation with Lili and smiled at me wholeheartedly. "Hey there, Toni."

I was surprised, but I didn't falter. "Lovi, do you know what we're doing this afternoon?"

"Um, hopefully stopping back off at the hotel," he gestured to his laden arms. "I'm going to destroy all my nerve endings if I have to carry these around for one more second."

"Well, I think we're having lunch back there," I noted, but pressed on. "Do you know what we're doing after that?"

Lovi shrugged. "You're the organised one. You tell me."

"I am going to tell you, but you've got to guess first."

"Uh, more shopping?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Incredibly, I don't think Herr B has the stomach for it. Guess again!"

Lovi nodded in agreement. "Luddy was always tragically fashion-blind. Are we maybe, going to a factory or some crazy educational shit like that?"

I paused. "_Sabías que_, I don't think we are. At all. Hmm, that's interesting."

"It's not interesting, it's great news!" Lovi tried to punch the air and winced when he hit himself in the face with a H&M bag. "_Oh Dio_, Toni, I don't know and I don't care. Where are we going?"

"The Haribo megastore!"

"WHAT?!"

"What's that about Haribo?" Kat called from over with the girls.

"We're going to the megastore this afternoon!" I shouted back.

"_Ni za shcho_!_" _Kat's face lit up, and she turned to Bella, Nat, Lili and Eliza. "We're going to the Haribo megastore this afternoon! Isn't that amazing?"

"Oh my god, yes!" Bella grinned back, and they all started proposing money shares so they could have the full buying experience.

I turned back to Lovi, who wasn't looking incredibly cheery like the rest of us. "Well? Isn't it great?"

"Toni, don't you remember?" Lovi literally croaked out.

"Remember what?"

"I'm allergic to fucking Haribo, bastard!"

* * *

Five hours later. Lovi had his cheek pressed against the surface of our hotel room window, groaning. His face was pale and he was huddled into the foetal position, wrapped in his duvet. I was sitting on our floor, sorting my clothes into my suitcase and just generally packing. We were leaving for Cologne the next day, and Gil had banished us to our room to pack before we went out for a meal. Although, to be honest, Lovi didn't at all like he was ready to eat something.

"How are you feeling now?" I asked.

"_Comé schifo_," came the reply.

"Loviiiii," I teased. "It's an entire hour against that window. We were only in there for two hours or so. You must be feeling okay by now."

Lovi lifted his head painfully and eyed me. It was all I could do not to laugh from the way one side of his face was all mushed in and his hair stuck up. "Yeah, but in those two hours I threw up _six times._"

"You didn't even eat any Haribo!" I sighed.

"Yeah, but that place stank of it," he shuddered and returned to the window. "I might as well have downed a bucket full of the stuff."

I stood up and walked over to him to press my hand against his forehead. He was sweaty, but otherwise cool. "You're overreacting," I explained calmly. "Come to the restaurant, eat something, you'll feel better. I promise."

"Toni, its German food. Eating potatoes and fucking _Schnitzel _won't help me feel better in the slightest."

"Lovino." I pulled may hand away and looked at him. "Please come. It won't be fun without you."

"Sure it wi-"

I slapped a hand over his mouth and leaned my face in close so he could look into my eyes and know I was telling the truth. "No. It won't. I want you to be there. Because you're my best friend, and I care about you, and I know. This is what you need. Just come. For me?"

Lovi gave me a death glare, and then licked my hand. I pulled away fast as lightning, pulling a face at him. He made one back.

"Fine," he rolled his eyes. "I'll come. But only because you made those damn puppy eyes, you Spanish idiot."

"Yay!" I jumped up and down. "I'll pack your things for you as a thank you. You can just sit there and groan to your heart's content."

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically, but I didn't miss the smile he shot me before curling deeper into his warmth. I knew when I was appreciated.

I had Lovi's stuff packed away as quick as I could (seriously, how did Lovi get his t-shirt on the top of the wardrobe?) and shoved his bag onto his bed. I grabbed his arm and before he could flail at me, yanked him onto the floor and out of his Duvet of Ultimate Despair. He fell on the floor and hissed at me, curling into a ball.

I just laughed. "You're a special one, Lovino Vargas."

Somehow I got him out of the room (he insisted on washing his face and checking his hair first), down the stairs and was hurrying him towards Gil's van when Feli and Kiku caught up with us.

"Hey _fratello_!" Feli patted Lovi on the back. "How are you?"

"Fuck off," came the reply.

I smiled at Feli apologetically. "He's still insisting on being ill. I told him being out to a restaurant and eating something will help."

"Well, it is true," Kiku nodded sagely. "A good plate can do wonders for a stomachache."

"Yeah, maybe we can find some pasta!" Feli nodded happily. "That will make you feel better, won't it, Lovino?"

"Feliciano." Lovino turned to his brother with a oh-my-god-you-idiot face. "We're in Germany. Wherever the fuck this country hides its pasta, it hides it well."

"Lovi, you promised you'd be on your best behaviour tonight," I pulled him round and pointed an accusing finger in his face.

"No, I didn't," Lovi stared at me.

"You did when you agreed to come," I smiled smugly. "Now cheer up or I'll punch you."

"You wouldn't-oh," he cut himself off when he saw my face.

Somehow, our class squeezed into the van's back, and we made for the centre of Dusseldorf. After parking recklessly across yellow lines ("Please, they never patrol round here anyway!" Gil said. "We won't get a ticket!" Gil said. Later: "The awesome me does. Not. Get. Fined!" Gil fumed.) Herr B led us to this restaurant just off the high street, a restaurant that served classic German food.

"It is important for you to experience all the culture of _Deutschland_," Herr B explained seriously as we were seated around a long table by a cute blonde waitress. "I brought you here to sample some of the food we, as Germans," here he looked at his brother, who held up his hands in a leave-me-out-of-this gesture, "would have eaten regularly whilst growing up here. You will enjoy it. It is fine cuisine."

"Excuse me, Herr B," Francis interrupted from near the other end. "But I believe it is pronounced _cuisine_."

Herr B shrugged. "_Französisch."_

Since there was really no answer for a statement like that, Francis flipped his hair in Herr B's general direction and turned away. The waitress started handing out menus, and I regarded mine with interest.

"So, what looks mildly edible?" Lovi asked me lightly.

"I don't know, I'm in a mashed potatoes mood tonight, do you think they serve them?" I replied, flicking through enthusiastically.

"I was being sarcastic."

"Were you?"

"You know, Toni," Lovi leaned back and pressed a hand against his forehead. "Just order something for me. Perhaps a plate of chips with a lot of ketchup."

"Oooh, they have pizza!" I showed him.

"No, they don't," Lovi looked at me seriously. "They don't have the pizza, Toni. They _killed _the pizza, then served it."

"I'll order for you, _fratello_!" Feli leaned over from the other side and nodded at me. "I know what you'll like."

"Thanks, Feli," Lovi smiled fleetingly. "What are you having then, Toni?"

"I don't know," I mused. "What's everyone else having?" I looked around.

"Guys!" Alfred hissed from down the table. "What is _Wasser_?"

"That's water, you idiot," Arthur whispered back from right next to him.

"Cool!"

"None of these words make any sense. Can we get Gil translate or something?"

"Nat, my home language is German. I can try."

"Thanks, Lili..."

"Well, this is sauces, and these are drinks, and I-oh!"

"Lili! You spilt your drink! That wasn't very clever!"

"I'm sorry, Big Brother! I was just translating for Nat! I didn't mean to!"

"Cut the girl some slack, Basch. You were always so strict."

"Stay out of this, you Austrian fruitcake!"

"Guys, some of Lili's drink is on me. Could you please-"

"I was only trying to help!"

"Everyone always gets so grouchy when they come out to eat. It's so loud and cramped, aru!"

"Um, Basch, could you please mop up the drink that got on my-"

"Have you ordered yet, Kiku? I know what I want."

"That's good for you, Ivan-san, but I don't know what I want yet."

"Alfred, it's Mattie. Please can you tell Basch that some of the drink is on my-"

"Dude, don't these German words look so totally badass! I wish I spoke German!"

"You've been learning it for a year, you fool!"

I looked back at Lovi. "I'll have whatever you're having," I nodded weakily.

* * *

**AN: Yes, Lovino is allergic to Haribo. Well, so am I, and going to the Haribo megastore when I went to Germany was the worst experience of my life, so I figured I could put it in. Camp shopping trips for the win, by the way. All I'm sayin'. Thanks for reading, please leave a comment and don't forget to R&R!**

**Translations:  
No es: ****_Spanish _****It's not  
Celeste: _Italian _Light blue  
Fabuloso: ****_Spanish _****Fabulous  
Grazie: ****_Italian _****thank you  
Qué demonios: ****_Spanish _****What the hell  
Komolyan: ****_Hungarian _****Seriously  
Mierda: ****_Spanish _****shit  
Hola, mi querido: ****_Spanish _****Hello, my dear  
Sabías que: ****_Spanish _****You know  
Oh Dio: ****_Italian _****Oh God  
Ni za shcho: ****_Ukrainian _****No way  
Comé schifo: ****_Italian _****Like shit  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****Brother  
Deutschland: ****_German _****Germany  
Cuisine: ****_French _****Cookery/cooking  
Französisch: ****_German _****French  
Wasser: ****_German _****Water  
**


	6. Save It for the Bedroom

**AN: So, yeah, it's been about a week since I last updated. I'm thinking this is how my updates are likely to go in the future, about once a week, since you know, i have a life and everything so my writing will be spread out over a few days, and then I'll post. Get used to it.  
So personally, all I can say about this chapter is there's a lot of feels, mainly because Roma has a helluva lot of explaining to do, and it was very hard to write for various personal reasons. I'm not complete happy with it, i think parts could definitely flow better, but I can't see how to edit it without lengthening it to about a billion miles long and you'd all get bored. So just roll with it. After this night, shit starts getting ineffable, so stay tuned. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

The door slammed open. Toni and I fell in after it.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THIS _SCHEIßE_ TO THE AWESOME ME? I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL, BUT YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!"

"Shut the door, dammit!" I panted, hands on my knees. Toni dived for the handle and was about to shove it shut, but more shouting came through and he cocked his head to listen.

"PRUSSIA ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING COUNTRY ANYMORE! JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY!"

"I hope you know that Mother Russia curses you all."

"BROTHER, YOU CAN'T ATTACK CHILDREN, _VERDAMNT_! JUST LET IT GO!"

"NOT UNTIL THIS BRITISH ASSHOLE GETS WHAT'S COMING TO HIM!"

"I look forward to one day crushing the life from your complete worthless bodies."

"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, BIG GUY? THROW WURST AT ME?"

"YOU ARE NOT AWESOME, KIRKLAND! GET BACK HERE!"

"Toni!" I snapped, and pushed the door closed.

"¡_Lo siento_!" he laughed. "Got a bit caught up there, huh?"

I looked at him. "How can listening to people argue even be interesting?"

Toni shrugged. "What can I say? Watching drunk Arthur, Gilbert and Ivan battle it out is something to see."

"What I want to know is," I commented, sitting on my bed and taking my shoes off, "is how Arthur and Ivan even got drunk in the first place. _Sai ché_, Gil's legal so it's fine, but where the fuck did they get the alcohol from?"

"I know Arthur challenged Gil to a drinking contest, so that explains that," Toni replied, starting to remove his jacket. "And I think Ivan just terrified the waitress into believing he was eighteen – face it, he does look old enough - and she gave him vodka."

"Ah. _Alora..."_ I mused, grinning.

"By the way," Toni turned to me, suddenly serious. Oh shit, not now. Couldn't he wait 'til I was showered, at least? "It's been two days and you still haven't even attempted to make Basch scream. That tenner is looking more like mine everyday."

My insides stopped feeding themselves to a food processor. "I'm biding my time," I winked mysteriously. "Don't get too cocky just yet, Carriedo."

"Which is Lovi-speak for 'I haven't, like, thought about it yet, bastard!'" Toni raised an eyebrow, putting on a really bad Italian accent.

I threw a sock at him. "I take offence to that," I growled.

"_Cierto_," Toni smiled. "Now, are you having a shower?"

"'Course," I muttered, and moved my ass into the bathroom to get myself hot and wet and naked. Innuendo intended.

Even though I like showers, I didn't really stay too long in this one. Usually, I would spend ages, stalling for time to annoy Feliciano and also to contemplate the boring-ass day ahead of me, letting the water slowly turn me into a fucking prune. But today, I didn't need to, and most importantly, I didn't really want to.

Truth be told, I was feeling pretty optimistic.

**OH MY GOD. STOP PRESS. HOT NEW STORY RIGHT HERE. LOVINO VARGAS, FOR ONCE IN HIS SORRY LIFE, IS FEELING POSITIVE. BREATHE CALMLY, MA'AM, I'M AFRAID IT'S TRUE. YOU AT THE BACK, DON'T FAINT, IT'S BAD FOR THE HIPS.**

Okay, so maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But honestly, I was feeling pretty good. I'd had a fairly bright day – shopping always cheers me up, get over it – and dinner had definitely taken a turn for the hilarious when someone broke the beer out (I had a sneaky suspicion it may have been Luddy, desperate to distract his brother from flirting with Nat.) The Haribo megastore may have been slightly THE WORST TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE, but I wasn't feeling so ill now. Toni had been right – eating something had made me feel better. Of course, I wasn't going to admit that to him.

In fact, my mood was literally glowing. I felt like a neon sign.

_This is what it must feel like to be Antonio._

The thought wandered across my mind absently, and I frowned and sat on the toilet, thinking. Feeling this cheerful had seriously taken something out of me, so what would it be like to be this happy all the time, just like Antonio? Wandering naïvely through life, not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, but kind and compassionate and genuinely believing everything would be okay – for a short second, I practically envied him. He had it so easy.

Then the moment passed, and I remembered that being Toni meant having Bella as a distant cousin. Suddenly, being Lovino didn't seem so bad after all. Even Feli was more enjoyable than Bella. And he gave better fashion advice.

I sighed, and stood up. I had a feeling my good mood would evaporate very, very soon, but I had it coming. My life was screwed up, maybe if I explained it all to Toni tonight, he might finally realise what a bad choice in best friend he'd made. I'd definitely overstayed my welcome. If he left, I could get over this stupid crush I had on him as well. Uh, I mean-

_Save it for the bedroom, honey._

Sometimes having a sarcastic voice in your head really helped. I took a breath, and stepped out of the room.

* * *

Antonio was on his bed, in his pyjamas, with his head bent over something, maybe his workbook. Honestly, I didn't know how he could sleep in what were pretty much day clothes to me. I'd gone for the more modest look tonight, long pyjama bottoms with a vest top, but I was never, ever going to be able to wear the weirdly long combinations he did.

I opened my mouth to say something, but a raised hand stopped me.

"Nine across. Two words, Terry Pratchett's novel about creating the perfectly accurate clock."

"What? Oh, isn't it the Time Thief?" I answered, wondering whose idea the trivia quiz was.

He scribbled it down, and then tossed the crossword to the end of his bed, looked up at me and smiled. "_Gracias_."

I shrugged and nodded. "Whatever." I made my way over to my bed.

"Lovi, wait."

"Yeah?" I didn't turn around. I couldn't.

"We need to talk."

Everyone look out, my happy feeling just broke the world record in escaping out of the window without looking back.

"You know," I muttered, my shoulders stiffening, "I've never been a fan of those four words."

"I guessed as much," Toni said. "Lovi, could you please turn around."

"No."

"You're so stubborn, do you know that."

"Yes."

"It's not something to be proud of."

"Do I sound proud, bastard?"

"And here comes the language. Such an easy fallback for you. ¿Isn't it, _mi querido_?"

"Oh I get it," I snapped, breaking my internal promise not to make eye contact and whipping around angrily. "You're doing just what Psychiatrist No. 3 did. All he did was sit there and let me talk, and then every few minutes he'd interrupt and just tell me, flat out, that I was pretty much fucked up in the head. Then when I started screaming at him, he'd just tut and tell me I wasn't 'releasing my emotions right' or crazy shit like that. God, I hate that method!"

Toni was staring at me. "You're serious."

"Nope," I spat, falling onto my bed resignedly. "It's a really well known theory. You tell someone what's wrong with them, then they have to confront it, right? Wrong. It pisses me off so much."

Toni was still staring. "You've had three psychiatrists?"The Spanish, forever presenting us with the bigger picture.

I sat myself up properly and rolled my eyes. "Five actually, but you're missing the point here. The point is-"

"That's crazy," Toni interrupted, shaking his head. He frowned at me. "Why did you have five psychiatrists?"

"Apparently, _Nonno _believed that they could try to make me reveal all my bottled up emotions," I explained patiently, annoyed. "Really, I think he just wanted to know why I'm such an asshole to everyone. What's so crazy about it?"

"Just..." Toni said slowly, trying to sort out how to say it. "It's like, there's all this stuff about you, a whole history, which I never even knew until yesterday. I thought I understood you but...it makes me feel like I don't know you at all," he finished sadly.

I blinked at him. "What do you mean, all this 'knew stuff'? _Dio_, all I've told you is I had five psychiatrists and used to get beaten up on a weekly basis. It's not that big."

"¡_Sí, lo es, _Lovino!" Toni pouted at me. "Yes, it is! They are big, they affected your entire life. Anyway, you've told me a lot more than that. Maybe not willingly or consciously, but you have. I now know that you're incredibly good at pretending you're okay, that you care more about your image then you'd like to let on, that you believe that I don't really like you, that you're fiercely overprotective of your brother no matter what you say, that you keep most of your true feeling bottled up inside yourself, that you hate it when someone offends your nationality and also, you can down three cans of beer and half a champagne bottle and still walk straight." Here, he dropped the grin he'd adopted when discussing my drinking habits. "Most of all, Lovi, I know that you hate yourself."

I looked up at him from the ground, smiling weakly, trying to cover up the shocks he'd given me with his words. I must have been doing so much emotional leakage that day – I definitely hadn't told him that much last night. One evening in Antonio Fernandez Carriedo's bed (woah, that sounded dirty) and I was already losing my touch.

"_Bastardo_," I stuttered. "'Hate' is a bit of a strong word, don't you think? I think 'mortally despise' or 'wish murderous thoughts upon' sounds a lot more accurate."

"Murderous thoughts?" Toni froze. "Like...suicide?"

You know, I hate it when some inconsiderate Spanish idiot sitting across from you says something, and at the same time he accidentally drops a huge shard of ice cold fear straight into your heart.

"_Non ho_ – I didn't – I didn't mean that," I tried to snarl, but it came out as more of a squeak.

"Please tell me you're telling the truth," Toni practically whispered.

"I'm telling the truth."

"I want to believe you."

"I really, really don't see why you should."

"¡_Cállate_!" Toni snapped. I flinched. I don't like seeing him angry. At all, especially on my account. "Just...just tell me why."

"Why what?" I bit my lip.

"Come here." He patted the bad next to him, and I opened my mouth. "Please, Lovi."

So I stood up and tried to choose a spot on the bed that was as far away as I could from Toni without actively trying to completely avoid him. He looked at me for a second, then grabbed my arms and dragged me closer, totally against my will. Really. I tried to resist, but he pulled hard until I landed with a flop next to him, with my back against the wall. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, pouting at Antonio.

"There was no need for all of that."

"Sure there was," Toni smiled. "If I waited for you to make your mind up, we'd be here 'til Doomsday."

"Oh, _fottiti_," I muttered. Toni sighed, the light-hearted moment gone, then rested his head on my shoulder. It caught me unawares, and I was about to ask him to back off, when he started talking.

"All the time I've known you, Lovino, the way you act has always made me jealous. You were someone who was untouchable, offhand, sarcastic. But at the same time, you could be fiery and adorably grumpy, and that interested me. The way you could blow off people or shout at them or joke with them, all the while easily keeping yourself just that bit separate from everyone, was a habit I'd never seen before, and I wanted to know you better. Then we became friends, and I thought I finally understood that you just didn't care, because there was something you knew that nobody else did.

"But I was still confused, because...I think I knew all that time, I guess, that there was more to you than you liked to let on. Sometimes you would look away from a situation and for a split second, I would see something so lost in your eyes, like you were so scared and you didn't know why. But I'm an idiot, because everytime it happened I would explain it away to myself, not thinking about it. I know now that that's not what it is. It's something different. And, I just want to understand, Lovi," he looked up at me (DAMN THE FUCKING PUPPY EYES TO HELL). "What is it that you think about in those moments? And why?"

There was a long pause as I tried to formulate an answer. There were so many things I could say, and to be honest I didn't really want to have to explain any of them. Plus, Toni had just said a lot of really deep things, and I think it may have fried several of his brain cells in the process (lets just say, he's not the most philosophical of thinkers), and I was trying to figure most of them out still. In the end, I kept it simple.

"I remember that everything's wrong."

Toni blinked a few times. "Um, care to elaborate...?"

I sighed. Here come the big guns. "I pretend to be okay in public, Toni, because I don't want people to know that it isn't. Other people don't need to be burdened by my stupid issues – I've handled them myself for so long now, I don't need it. It just means I have to keep everything bottled up inside all the time, but it's a small price to pay compared to what people could do if I told them. I put on an act and make sure no-one suspects a thing, and half the time, I'm pretty good at it. I can cover up emotions easily, it's no big deal.

"But the problem with pretending so much, is sometimes, being the gullible bastard I am, I believe it. I could be sitting with you and I'll be feeling really, nicely happy inside, thinking about how things are going so great, then I'll suddenly I'll remember that they're not alright, _niente_ _e guisto_, and my guard will drop for a moment and I'm scared. Genuinely terrified. I get emotional, vulnerable, fucking _weak_, and I hate it. People can't see me like that."

"Why not?" Toni was pressing me now, trying to get everything out of me before I clam up again. A small voice whispered to me that this bad, that I can't tell him. It doesn't matter – I don't think I can stop.

"Because once people know things like that about you, they can use it against you. Don't you see? You trust people, you tell then something, and then when everything inevitably goes wrong, like it always does, you just hurt even more after it. Better to keep it all locked away and live with the consequences than let it out and just feel emotionally fucked afterwards."

"But people wouldn't do that, Lovi." Toni was wide-eyed, confused. He doesn't get it. "People don't want to hurt others. They only want to do good."

I sat up properly, dropping my arms. "That's what you think, Antonio, because you're an optimist, through and through. You believe that inside, everyone is genuinely good. But," I added bitterly, "I'm a realist. I know the truth. Everyone is actually an arsehole underneath, cruel and selfish – the whole 'kindness' thing is a façade. Oh yeah, everyone _wants _to believe they're good people, but if they're tested enough, everyone would rather see someone else fall than themselves. You can't blame them. It's human nature."

"And so you're afraid of them." Toni said slowly.

I looked up at him, shocked. "What? I'm not afraid of them! I just don't trust anyone. It's too dangerous to put yourself in someone else's hands like that. Too risky."

"No, Lovino," Toni nodded, understanding dawning on his face. "You are afraid of them. You're cold to people, not just because you don't want to get close, but because you've scared of what they think of you and the fact that you don't know what it is."

I clenched my fists. "Bastard, everyone wants to know what people think of them, don't they? I bet other people look at everyone they see and wondered just how much the other person hates them on the inside, how they're laughing at everything they're doing right now."

"I don't," Toni murmured.

"Yeah, well, you don't count."

Toni frowned. "Why not?"

"Because..." I trailed off. "Because...you just d-don't, dammit! You're so carefree, Toni. You're the one who doesn't care what other people think, not me. Maybe I am paranoid about things, but it's just that I want to _know_. If you don't know what people think, you can't prepare for it. And I pride myself on always being ready for whatever life decides to shit onto me next."

"So you are afraid of people." Toni grinned at me.

"I'm not afraid of _them_," I huffed. "I'm afraid of their thoughts."

"Lovi, you realise you just admitted to being scared of something?"

"Oh, _stai zitto_. I'm tired."

"Well, we can go to bed soon. There's just one more thing."

"What now?" I leaned back against the wall, sighing.

"Why do you hate yourself?"

I stiffened up. "That's a bit personal."

"Just answer, please. Then I promise I'll let you sleep."

"Fine." I cast my eyes down. "I...I hate myself because I'm _me. _I'm paranoid, and-and I have motherfucking trust issues, and I treat everyone so badly all the time. I'm rubbish at everything, and there's nothing special about me – I'm not particularly good looking, or an artist, or can play guitar like you, or clever or witty or kind. Everyone is always better than me, and I hate myself for always being so sensitive towards it all. People have told me all my life I'm a bad person – bullies, psychiatrists, my grandfather – I guess one day I realised it was true." I paused for breath. "I hate myself because...because I utterly, totally fucked up, and who wants someone that crazy? I'll tell you – _nobody. _I'm a mess, a suspicious, sweary mess that's going to be alone in life because nobody could possibly like me."

Silence. Serious, absolute silence. Toni watched me carefully, and I saw the shock in his eyes again. I couldn't bear him staring like that. I stood up, clicked the lights off, and got into my own bed. Antonio hadn't moved. Fine, let him get cold. Maybe it would force him to realise he could never hope to help me.

"_Buonanotte_, bastard."

No response. I rolled over and shut my eyes, falling asleep quickly and without pause. I didn't want to remember anything of tonight. I was deep in sleep, nothing could touch me here, nothing...

In the darkness, a soft Spanish accent whispered, "I like you, Lovino."

* * *

**AN: Bitches ain't got nothing on my tense-ass endings. Not much to really say here, apart from it was a pleasure to write drunk Prussia and England, and I finally got some PruBel introduced, something I've been meaning to do. Their story may develop over the next few chapters. If you're thinking it's weird that Gil and Nat are getting off, with the whole age gap thing, in my mind the characters in this fic are all about sixteen-seventeen, and Ludwig and Gilbert are about mid-twenties, so it's okay. I think. Who cares, they're an epic couple. Thanks for reading, please leave a review and don't forget to follow and favourite!**

**Translations:  
Scheiße: ****_German _****Shit  
Verdamnt: ****_German _****Dammit  
Lo siento: ****_Spanish _****Sorry  
Sai ché: ****_Italian _****You know  
Alora: ****_Italian _****Well then  
Cierto: ****_Spanish/Italian _****Sure  
Gracias: ****_Spanish _****Thanks  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****My dear  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****Grandad  
Dio: ****_Italian _****God  
Sí, lo es: ****_Spanish _****yes, it is  
Bastardo: ****_Italian _****bastard (Do I even need to translate that anymore?)  
Non ho: ****_Italian _****I didn't  
Cállate: ****_Spanish _****Shut up  
Fottiti: ****_Italian _****Fuck you  
Niente e giusto: ****_Italian _****Nothing's right  
Stai zitto: ****_Italian _****Shut up  
Buonanotte: ****_Italian _****Goodnight**


	7. For When your Brother gets Too Smart

**AN: So, this is a week late than it should have been, so I'm sorry, but to make it up to you guys I'll post the chapter that technically should have been put up tonight this weekend, yeah? Sorry, but shit has been getting REAL in my life recently, and i had an English assessment, and eh, it's just too much to get into right now. Also, I feel like I should thank everyone who's been reading and following and favouriting and reviewing this story so far - seriously, I love you guys, thank you so much! I never thought I'd get so many views when I first put this up, but now it's nearly reached 1000, and I'm fucking mindblown! Grazie, you guys! If you follow me as well or maybe you've just noticed, but I changed my username - I.m no longer halfwayoutofthedark, but I'm now Bellezza Romana! It's a nickname that my family started this summer when I was over in Italy visiting them, and I love it and didn't really like my old username, so I chose to use that one. Deal with. I should shut up now, so you can actually read. Warning: a LOT of Feliciano in this chapter - I felt like he needed his big break. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

I sat in the dark for a few seconds after Lovino turned the lights off and said goodnight. I had to let myself process the information he'd given me before I slept, otherwise I'd be thinking them over in the morning and then Lovi would get mad at me. However, nothing could stop the words I'd been thinking from slipping from my mouth.

"I like you, Lovino."

Well, it was true.

I couldn't believe Lovi could sit there and say all those things about himself and everyone else like that. Of course he was special! He may not have some of the more common talents that people have, but who wants them anyway? Lovi has a great fashion sense and he's more practical and street-wise than most people (seriously, the amount of cars I would have been hit by if it wasn't for him...), and of course he's very good-looking. How he couldn't see all this about himself was beyond me – he was much better than he gave himself credit for.

And then, he believed no-one did or ever would like him? How could one person be so blind? I mean, the amount of people who tried to get off with him at parties was innumerable, and I remember Bella and Eliza had both harboured huge crushes for him at some point. They'd told me sadly over the phone, saying they were sorry and they'd try nothing on Lovi, honestly. I always wondered why they'd said that, but the Belgian and the Hungarian had sounded so distraught I'd been sort of scared to.

Then of course, was the small issue about those people who had been the ones with the nerve to actually say to Lovi that he was hopeless. I gritted my teeth in the darkness. Nobody could say those sorts of things to my Lovino! Thanks to them, Lovi was cold and mistrustful and most importantly, he was hurting. He wouldn't admit it, not even to himself, but I could tell. The way he hated himself was something that pained him, and no matter what I did, I knew I couldn't make it go away.

What he really needed, I decided as I reluctantly crawled into bed, was someone who did like him. Someone who cared about him more than anyone else, and refused to give up on him, even if he screamed and shouted at them and fought with all his might. If someone could do that for Lovi, then it could finally prove to him that he was worth it, that he wasn't useless, and that he wasn't a mess. Lovi needed someone to love him, so he could learn to love himself.

I was just sinking into a welcome sleep when an absent thought, in a voice that sounded oddly like Lovi's, drifted across my mind.

_Why can't you be that someone, you idiot?_

* * *

A pillow collided with my face while it was still dark.

"Antonio, if you don't get up RIGHT NOW we're going to leave without you and then you'll be sorry."

"Whaaaa-" I garbled as I pushed myself up and blinked at the dark figure in front of me. "Gil?"

"That's right, loser," Gil smirked. "Now, we're going to Cologne within the hour, and you still need to have breakfast. It is so not awesome to start the day on an empty stomach!"

"Oh...okay..." I frowned. Wasn't there something wrong with this situation?

There was a groan from behind Gil and we both turned to see Lovino pressing his hands against his head and pouting. "Toni, can't you..." Lovi trailed off as he spotted Gil. Then his entire face turned tomato red and he grabbed the duvet to pull it up to his chest.

"How the fuck did you get into our room, you crazy freak?! We have the only key!"

Ah, that was what was wrong.

"I have my ways," Gil smiled innocently and repeated the message that he'd told me just now. "And by the way, I'm from _Preußen_, not Germany," he added, sniffing.

Lovi opened his mouth to argue but I waved my hands in a shut-up-now motion. Gil swanned out of the room and we heard a crash. That'll be him waking up Kat and Nat.

"Crazy deluded bastard," Lovi muttered and fell back into the bed, shaking his head. I rolled my eyes and got up, pulling on clothes in a half-asleep blur.

I got dressed quickly and easily, but Lovi still hadn't got up. I grabbed his shoulder and shook, trying to coax him into wakefulness. "C'mon, _mi querido_, it's time to rise and shine!"

Lovi said something into his pillow that sounded like, "...too fucking cheerful..."

"Didn't catch that," I grinned, and grabbed his duvet and pulled. Lovi curled into a ball and pressed his hands against his eyes.

"I hate it when you do that."

"Someone's got to do it," I said business-like. "Are you going to move?"

"No," Lovi replied obstinately.

"I'll organise your outfit for today then."

A hand slapped against my chest and the fingers tightened against my shirt. Lovi pulled himself up, nearly breaking my jumper in the process, and practically fell out of bed. Muttering something about having the best fashion sense in the room, he started getting changed.

I was still feeling sort of tired and the rest of the dawn in the hotel passed almost in a blur. I vaguely recalled eating cereal and a croissant for breakfast, listening to Bella tell a story about how Francis had tried to get in her bed last night, and helping Herr B and Gil load the bags into the van with Ivan, but apart from that I was just too out of it to take anything in.

My memory started actually functioning when we were in the back of the van and Gil took off. The bumps and bounces woke me up pretty quickly after that.

Looking to my left, I noticed Lovi at the other end of the van, sitting with Nat and Lili. I paused, confused. Wasn't he supposed to be sitting with me?

"If you're wondering why _fratello_'s over there," a cheerful voice came from next to me, and I jumped. "It's because you were really glazed over and he said he didn't want to babysit you if you were a bit out of it, so he left. Ve, of course," Feliciano frowned at this point, "he said it using some more colourful language than that, but that's about it!"

"Oh," I nodded, grinning again. That was just like Lovi. "So did you say you'd sit with me, huh Feli?"

"Yeah!" Feli smiled. "I never really get to talk to you much, Toni, 'cause Lovino's always there as well, so it's so great we get to spend some time together!"

I laughed and pulled my knees up to my chest. "You should know I like you just as much as I like Lovi, Feli. It always makes me happy to be with the two of you!"

"I know, Toni, but you're Lovino's best friend," Feli said, suddenly serious. "I can't get in the way of that, he would just get mad at me."

"Lovi wouldn't get mad at you, you're his brother!"

"Ve, I know, and he really cares for me," Feli said sadly, staring into space. "But he cares for you too Toni, and I know that if I try to be as close to you as he is then he'll just get upset and angry."

"Why?" I countered.

"Because I've always been the popular one," Feli said it like it was obvious. "You may not know this about _fratello_, but he-"

"Thinks he's worthless," I finished, nodding.

Feli looked startled. "How do you know?"

I sighed and started fiddling with my sleeves. "I've been talking a lot with Lovi over this holiday so far, and I've found out quite a few things by now."

"How did you get him to talk?" Feli pressed, looking like he'd reached some sort of breakthrough. "Ve, I can never get him to speak to me!"

"I don't know, he just..." I trailed off. "_Espere_, if you've never been able to have a serious conversation with him, how do you understand all of him?"

"Cause we're twins, Toni." Feli put it simply.

I started to nod, then blinked. My eyes widened and I turned to Feli. "Oh my god, you can read each others' minds, can't you?! Wow, I though that was just a myth about twins, but it must be-"

Feli laughed and waved his hands, cutting me off. "Sadly, me and Lovino can't do that, but it would be so cool if we could! No, what I meant was I've grown up with him all my life, so it's only natural I'd know him like no-one else. He doesn't really like it, but what can you do?"

"Sorry, Feliciano." I turned to him slowly, and looked him in the eye. "Please carry on explaining."

Feli nodded. "Lovino has always put himself down about everything," he began. "I guess it didn't really help that _Nonno _always liked me over him, or that he tended to not listen in school so he was always did worse in his exams. I never really understood just how much he beat himself up – he was my big brother, only by a few minutes, but still the older, and I believed he was invincible, ve? But as we got older, I saw just how spiteful Lovino was becoming, especially as I started gathering more friends and discovering a talent for art and writing. It took me a while, but I finally understood that Lovino just believed he was good for nothing. He had no friends, no hobbies, failing grades – most of the time he just holed himself up in his room and listened to music. I felt bad because I knew that I was the person that Lovino wanted to be, but he just couldn't because he didn't know how. But you know something?" Feli turned to me, misty eyed.

"What?" I asked softly, not wanting anyone to hear and ask us something.

"Even though he could have hated me for it all, he didn't," Feli smiled. "He's always been protective of me, even if he shouts or swears at me – I know he does it cause he cares. When people first started giving him unwanted attention, those few years back, he never let them lay a finger on me, knowing I couldn't fight back. Neither could he, but he still kept me safe."

My throat got all constricted and I had to swallow slowly, stopping myself from awww'ing. Could those two be any cuter? Feli carried on, oblivious to my internal fangirling.

"I've always felt grateful to him for being such an amazing big brother, and that hasn't changed today. So when we started at this new school and I saw you take such an interest in Lovino, even though he really didn't want you at first, ve! _Comunque, _I noticed Lovino was happier and more friendly around you, and I realised that this was so big for him, because no-one had ever really liked him before. So I promised myself that I wouldn't get in the way of your friendship, as a thank you to him for all these years."

I had now calmed down mostly, and knew to be serious when Feli looked at me, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You really love him too, don't you?" I smiled.

"Yes, I do," Feli said seriously.

"You know, Feli," I mused. "I never really realised before just how wise you were."

"People say that about me a lot." Feli cocked his head and pressed a finger against his chin. "I guess it's always nice to be surprising, _sí_?"

"That is true," I grinned, then looked down at my feet. "Well, the thing is, I'm worried about him."

"Why? Has he done something?" Feli became all flustered.

"No, he hasn't," I reassured the Italian, then sighed. "It's just, I didn't know all the stuff about him before he told me – I didn't even guess. I mean, I know I'm not the greatest at noticing things, but everyone's got to slip up at some point, right? But Lovi never has. It shows just how good at all of this he is, how long he's had to hide his secrets. And I want him to feel like I'm a person he can talk to, but how do I show him that? I understand now that he needs me, but how can I tell him?"

"What about tonight, at the Christmas markets?" Feli suggested, brightening.

I gazed at him stupidly. "¿_Qué_?"

"I've heard that the German Christmas Markets are the prettiest in the world," Feli said dreamily. "Apparently at night, when they're all lit up and it's so busy and every corner has a different smell and you can see the cathedral rising up behind you, it's so romantic! Maybe if you spend your evening with _fratello_ tonight, then talk to him while at the markets, it would be a perfect place!"

"That doesn't sound bad actually," I nodded, a smile growing on my face. "It sounds like a lovely atmosphere for that sort of thing, doesn't it?"

"Oh, _certamente_!" Feli nodded enthusiastically. "Then, you just need to tell Lovino how you feel, and he'll get all awkward and blush but you mustn't let that stop you, ve?"

"Okay!" I grinned, then stopped. There was something bugging me... "Feliciano?"

"Toni?"

"How come you call never call him Lovi? I only hear you call him Lovino or fratello. How come?"

"Don't you know?" Feli looked at me. "He doesn't let anyone else call him that except you."

"Really?" I bit my lip, confused.

Feli stared into space, nodding. "Yes. It's strange really – he used to hate any nicknames like that, and I know it definitely annoyed him when you first started calling him that, but I guess he's got used to it now."

"Hm..." I murmured, interested by this new information. I'd never noticed how I was the only one who ever called Lovino 'Lovi', but I guess now I though about it, it was true. It was something I had dubbed him back when we were first friends and it had stuck ever since.

_"Lovi, why are you ignoring me? Loviiii!"_

_"I'm trying to work, okay? And what the fuck's a Lovi?"_

_"It's you of course, mi querido!"_

_"Don't call me that!"_

"Hey Antonio," Feli said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "I'm going to sleep for a bit now. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all!" I said quickly, smiling. "Go right ahead."

Feli nodded and curled up against me, shutting his eyes and falling sleep almost immediately. I, on the other hand, played with my jumper sleeves, distracted. I was wondering how I could talk to Lovi that evening. I was never good at spontaneous stuff, so maybe it would help if I planned what I was going to say. But as I thought, I just couldn't imagine a scenario that fitted to my liking. Sighing, I decided to leave it for later. Things would work themselves out. What could possibly go wrong, anyway?

* * *

**AN: Oh silly Spain, don't you know you never end a chapter with those words? That's right people, next chapter is GOOOOD. Even I'm excited ^^ Sorry if my Spain POV is getting worse and worse by the way, I think it's obvious I am more comfortable writing Romano than anyone else. I've gotta admit though, the amount of Feliciano in this chapter has definitely made me happy. He's not really my favourite character, I find him kinda boring after a while, but he's so CUUUUTE. See you this weekend guys, for an early-but-sort-of-late update xD that's all for now, folks!**

**~Romana**

**Translations:  
Preußen: ****_German _****Prussia  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****my dear  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****brother  
Espere: ****_Spanish _****wait  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****Grandad  
Comunque: ****_Italian _****Anyway  
Sí: ****_Italian/Spanish _****Yes  
¿Qué?: ****_Spanish _****What?  
Certamente: ****_Italian _****Certainly**


	8. It's No Big Deal, Life Hates Me

**AN: See, I kept my word and put up the chapter this weekend, didn't I? ^^ Oh god, I felt so bad for Romano the entire time I wrote this chapter. The way he feels about Veneziano and him, and then when Spain is being all totally oblivious...aww, just remember, guys this story does have a happy Spamano-fied ending! In this chapter, we also meet Chiara, who can either be Nyo!Romano or just my OC, I don't mind how you look at it. Either way, she was totally awesome to write, and if you'd like to see her again in later chapters then please say! I might, bring her in again, not sure right now... also, I realised that I've never said i don't own Hetalia. Well, I'll confirm that now - I DO NOT own Hetalia Axis Powers or World Series or any of its characters! only this story is mine. :3 Comunque, I'll let you get on with the story. Rated T for Romano and his bad words. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

"...so while he was all distracted by my knife in his stomach, big brother punched the guy in the mouth!" Nat grinned, a faraway wicked look in her eyes as she described her last evening out with her family.

"_Wirklich_?" Lili's eyes were the size of dinner plates. "Ivan really punched him?"

"Well, you know how much me and big brother care about each other," Nat nodded seriously. "He wasn't going to let some hobo threaten my safety, even if I could take care of myself."

"Or maybe he was just looking for an excuse for violence," I found myself saying, rolling my eyes at the two girls. "You know how he is about pain and torture and all that."

"_Niama_, I'm sure big brother was looking to protect me!" Nat replied hotly. I made a whatever face and smirked. Nat really did have a huge obsession with Ivan, who somehow in some weird half-sibling-second-marriage-type of way, was her brother. He was technically the same age as us, but Nat said he was older by several months which made him 'big brother', apparently. Well, I guess Feliciano has the same sort of attitude to me, and we're only separated by a few minutes.

"I remember my brother doing something similar for me," Lili smiled, suddenly brightening as she thought of Basch. "We were shopping in the supermarket, and we happened to..."

I tuned out right about there. I'd given up trying to talk about anything other than older siblings ten minutes ago, and apparently neither Nat nor Lili seemed to be giving up anytime soon. I sighed. How the fuck did I end up next to these two again?

_Because Antonio's practically catatonic, your brother's a squealing idiot, every other male in this class pisses you off, you hate Bella, Eliza is getting __**very **__acquainted with Roderich and well, Katyusha's nice but she's just weird. _

Thank you, voices, for summing that one up nicely.

Thank god the trip was only about forty or so minutes, otherwise I'd have flipped out on somebody by now. I stole a sneak glance at Feli and Toni on the other side of the truck, wondering what they were up to. To my surprise, they appeared to be having a heated conversation, with the Spaniard watching my brother with wide eyes and biting his lip.

I blinked at them. When did Toni get so alert? It looked like they were getting really close as well, and I wringed my hands so I wouldn't break my skin with my fingernails – I'd done it before. I told myself to stop worrying. Toni had proved himself a good enough best friend over the last few nights, listening to all my crap and still sticking by me. And well, Feli is about as emotionally blind as a bat, but even wouldn't try to muscle in on my friendship - would he?

Then I saw Feli put his head on one side and say something, and Toni grinned and looked at his feet - hang on, was that bastard blushing? And now he was looking all nervous and sad. What the fuck were they talking about? Oh _cazzo. _Shitshitshitshitshit. I knew what was happening. I couldn't doubt what I was seeing – Feli had obviously totally fucking won Toni over. What does that make it? Lovino – 0 friends, Feliciano – the planet's population sounds about right.

I felt my eyes get watery and I shut my eyes tight. I'm not going to cry, dammit! I should have seen this coming. I had obviously been too much for Antonio, after he found out how much shit I came with, he took off. Gone running to my fucking _fratello_, who's way nicer and easier to deal with than I'll ever be. Figures, doesn't it?

As I watched, Feli curled up against Toni's shoulder, who smiled at him then started staring into space. They looked really cute together, I realised. Holy shit, what if they became a couple? Horror began to grow in my chest. That would be just like fate, wouldn't it, for my best friend to fall in fucking love with my fucking twin brother when I have a fucking crush on him.

May be Toni had always had a crush on Feli. Maybe that's why he made friends with me in the first place. Maybe that's why he always called me 'mi querido' or crazy shit like that, so Feli wouldn't suspect anything. Yeah, it all made sense now – why would Toni ever really want to befriend me anyway?

I an odd way, I felt relieved. Toni would forget about my feelings soon enough, and I could go back to being cold to everyone and everything like I always had done. Maybe I would feel a little raw whenever I saw Toni and Feli together, but I could learn to get over that. In time, everything would be-

"Lovino, are you moving or what?" a voice said from above me, and I looked up to see Gil standing at the open doors of the truck. I hadn't even noticed we'd stopped and as I looked around, I realised I was the last one left in the back. Well, shit.

"Yeah, I'm getting out," I replied lamely, and clambered out of the truck, my cheeks flaming.

Head bent down, I felt rather than saw a shadow fall over me, and sighed internally. Best get this over with.

"Lovi!" Toni sounded so happy to see me. Liar. "Listen, I'm sorry I was so tired earlier, I just really-"

"I know what you had to do," I tried to sound calm, but there was a bubble of anger rising in my chest. "And you know Toni, I don't fucking blame you, okay?"

"You...don't?" Toni's goofy smile paused, confusion in his eyes.

"No."

"Lovi, are you sure you don't want to talk about-"

"No!" I snapped. Couldn't he drop the act already? "It's fine, Toni. I'm fine. I understand. Just leave me the fuck alone, okay? I don't want to talk."

"Oh, well then we'll discuss it later, _sí_?" Toni smiled, making my stomach flutter, and I mentally slapped myself.

"Maybe," I replied. "I mean, if I feel like it." Which I won't.

"Oh, are you still feeling sick or something from yesterday?" Toni's eyes widened. The idiot. "Is that why you're-"

"Yes, that's it," I said hurriedly, glad I wouldn't have to explain myself. "So like I said, leave me the fuck alone."

"Okay!" Toni sang, and walked back to where Feli was standing with Kiku. I kept my head down, determined not to be caught watching him leave. I wasn't going to put myself through that. If I was going to get over this, better now than never. And anyway, what I'd told Toni – _Antonio - _ had been true. I'd be fine on my own. I'd got this far. I could make it the rest of the way as well.

_Yeah, _the voice snickered. _Sure you can._

To stop myself thinking about the recent turn of events, I listening to Herr B taking the register, and telling us about how we were going to visit the cathedral in Cologne (or _Köln_, as he insisted on calling it, the bastard) for the morning, then ditch our bags at the hotel in the afternoon, unpack our shit and then head off to look around the rest of the city for the afternoon. Then, in the evening, we would finally get a look around the infamous Christmas markets.

It all sounded so terribly exciting. I felt like I was going to throw up.

* * *

I pressed my hand against my forehead for what felt like the fiftieth time in half an hour. Could this place be any warmer?

We were in the cathedral, crowded around the pulpit as some guy gave a long speech in German about some history or other that no-one gave a damn about. The sick feeling still hadn't left me, and the claustrophobic and loud atmosphere of the tour group really wasn't helping. Eliza had asked me several times if I was okay, and I'd fended her off every time, but she was still stealing worried glances at me. _Dio_, that girl was too fucking nice.

Eventually, the group started moving again, and I let them go, grateful of the rush of fresh air that came with the loss of people. I just had to breathe for a few minutes, then I'd be okay. I stood by a pillar, moving away from the next group of people. I pressed my forehead against the cool marble. My class had moved on already – no-one could disturb me right now.

Which is why I was more surprised than usual when a voice, speaking English but with a heavy accent, came from next to me, saying, "Are you okay?"

I sighed to myself – couldn't I get a fucking moment of peace? I didn't even want to look up at the person – by the sound of it, it was Feli or something. They did have an Italian accent.

"Hey, bastard, I'm talking to you. I asked, are you okay?"

I frowned. That wasn't Feli. The voice was almost as high as his, but it was still fairly low, and there was something vaguely feminine about it. Also, my _fratello _didn't say 'bastard'.

"Fine, ignore me, why don't you. _Accidenti_, I was only trying to fucking help."

Okay, so sue me for looking up. I was intrigued at who this person thought they were anyway. I mean, nobody talks to Lovino Vargas like that! That's my attitude towards others, they're not supposed to do it back! So who was this Italian girl, thinking she was the shit?

I raised my head, a retort already in my mouth. But it got caught when I saw her.

She was definitely only about my age, but shorter and skinnier than she should be. Her skin was tanned, like my own, and she had thick black wavy hair that reached at least her shoulders, but I couldn't really tell because it was mostly held back by a thick pink Alice band. Bangs and a fringe framed her sarcastic green eyes, and she was wearing tight jeans and a Dolce & Gabbana t-shirt, that just peeked through her green trench coat. Her features were twisted in a frown, but it didn't disguse the fact she pretty.

"Well?" The girl blinked at me. "Are you going to talk, or are you thick?"

"I'm not thick," I replied hastily. _Great conversation starter, Lovino._ "And I'm fine, by the way, thanks for asking. Just feeling shit."

"I know what you mean, it's fucking boiling in here," the girl agreed, then she looked at me, her eyes widening. When she spoke next, it was in the language I liked more than any other. "_Say, you're not Italian, are you?"_

_"Yes, I am!" _I nodded, a small smile creeping onto my face as I talked. _"You are as well, aren't you?"_

_"No, I've just been speaking it since birth," _The girl said, straight faced. I opened my mouth slowly, trying to figure it out, then she laughed. _"Of course I am, bastard. Technically, Sicilian, but whatever. _Tomayto, tomato," she added in English.

I rolled my eyes and stuck out a hand. _"I like tomatoes. My name's Lovino."_

_"Hello, Lovino. I like tomatoes too," _the girl grinned and grabbed my hand and pulled me close suddenly. Without pause, she planted an air kiss on my cheeks and pulled away, laughing at my blushing face. It's been a long time since I did that to anyone, okay? _"My name's Chiara."_

_"Nice name," _I noted, and she pouted at me, indicating she didn't think so. _"So, is there a reason you're here in Germany, or did you turn up in the hope I'd be here?" _I winked.

_"You wish," _Chiara retorted, then came and leaned against the pillar next to me, sticking her hands in her pockets. She smelled nice. _"I'm on a fucking school trip. I didn't want to come, but my best friend wanted me to, so..."_

_"Ugh, I'm here on a school trip too," _I sighed. _"I know how you feel. I hate this country."_

_"Same," _Chiara agreed. _"German bastards."_

_"Well said," _I nodded, smiling. _"It's nice to meet someone who understands me – literally and figuratively," _I added, and she giggled. _"Antonio has been so excited about this whole thing, he doesn't seem to get that I just don't give a damn."_

_"Who's Antonio?"_

_"My be-" _I started, then stopped.

_"Yes?" _Chiara put her head on an angle.

_"Just...just a friend," _Ifinished, a sinking feeling in my stomach as I acknowledged it. Antonio just couldn't be my best friend anymore – he's pretty much said so himself when I'd spoken to him.

_"Oh, well if that's all..." _Chiara frowned, and I knew she suspected something.

_"Anyway, Chiara, how fun has your holiday been so far?" _I joked, trying to cover up the awkward. She hadn't pressed the Antonio point, plus she was Italian, so I already liked her.

_"Well, totally fantastic!" _She threw her hands in the air, then dropped them almost as quickly and gave me a sarcastic look. _"We had to go to a German restaurant and ice skating. They were both shit."_

_"That's what I did too," _I smiled, glad that our schedules had been so similar. _"Could you-"_

But I never got to finish my sentence, because at that moment the tour group next to us started moving, and Chiara jumped. _"I'm so sorry, Lovino, but it looks like I've got to move," _she rolled her eyes apologetically.

_"Oh, okay," _I felt kind sad. I'd been enjoying myself. _"Well, I guess I'll see you around."_

_"Oh, I'm sure you will," _Chiara winked, then grabbed my arm and rolled the sleeve up. Pulling a pen out of her pocket, she stuck the lid between her teeth and scribbled something on my skin. I squirmed, not liking the feeling. When she pulled away, I checked my arm. A number was written there. I looked up at Chiara, and she smiled innocently.

_"Call me."_

And then she was gone, joining her tour group as they walked away from the pulpit. I stared after her, blinking. Had that seriously just happened? A girl had just given me her number and asked me to call her? This day was actually looking up.

I was pulled out of my thoughts but one breathless Spaniard.

"Lovi! ¡_Oh Dios mio, _you're here!" Toni skidded to a halt next to me, hands on his knees, panting.

"Oh, hey there," I blinked at him, wondering why he was so flustered. "What's the matter?"

"We're leaving," Toni licked his lips and grabbed my arm. "Seriously, Lovi, move!"

"Calm down, Toni!" I jogged beside him, trying to keep up with his speed walk. "Where's the fire, dammit?"

"How did you know?" Toni raised an eyebrow at me and laughed. "Gil, Francis and I kind of set a chair alight."

"You WHAT?"

"Accident, I swear!" Toni held his hands up in mock innocence. "Anyway, where have you been? We were being escorted out and I noticed you weren't with us. I got worried!" The Spaniard pulled his puppy eyes and I winced.

"Well, I was just stopping to rest and then I got talking to this Italian girl. She..." I trailed off, glancing behind me. Chiara or her group were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, was she cute?" Antonio gave me a Look.

I went red. "I don't know! I wasn't really, uh, checking...maybe."

"Oh," Toni's eyebrows furrowed, and for a second he looked crestfallen. I wondered what the fuss was about. Then he brightened again and grinned at me. "So, did you listen to anything that guide was saying?"

"Not really," I yawned, feeling a sudden gust of cold air over my face as we stepped out of the musty cathedral, to where our class was waiting a little way off.

"Oh, you should've, Lovi, it was so interesting!" Toni smiled, and began detailing some of the things the guy had said.

But I wasn't listening anymore. I noticed Feliciano standing at the edge of the group, watching Antonio and I approach. Or rather, watching Antonio. With a look in his eye that said, _aww, ché carino!_ The sick feeling in my stomach that had faded away at some point whilst talking to Chiara suddenly returned with sickening force.

How could I forget? For a second there, talking to Antonio on the way back, it had been like old times. Part of me still wanted to believe that that was the case. But the evidence was in front of me – Feli was giving googly eyes at the guy next to me like his life depended on it. It made me want to kill somebody. The little bastard.

"Hey Antonio," I interrupted the Spaniard as we approached the group, stopping just a little short of them. Antonio looked at me with wide, expectant eyes. "Sorry, just slow down a bit, okay? I'm still feeling a bit-"

"Oh, _lo siento,_" Antonio bit his lip. "I forgot, I'm so sorry, Lovino! Do you still want me to leave you alone?"

"Yeah, that would be good," I nodded. Antonio smiled naïvely, then wished me a 'get better soon' and ran ahead. I followed slowly behind, taking a place next to Alfred, of all people, in the group. The American looked at me, then at Antonio, then at me. I gave him a cold glance in return. He got the message.

I didn't really want to have to explain myself. I wasn't in the mood. Sighing, I looked at my feet and tried hard not to think about the fact that Antonio hadn't called me 'mi querido' once since the truck ride.

* * *

**AN: Dammit, I have to stop making myself squee when I write these endings. I bet no-one else finds them cute, but I do! . poor Cologne cathedral, I bet it never expected the Bad Touch to turn up and set its furniture alight. If it wasn't obvious also, then where I've put Chiara and Lovino's speech in italics they're speaking Italian to each other, I figured if i was in a different country and met someone who spoke my language (which I'm still hoping for, damn you England) I'd speak to them in it, so roll with it guys. And the thing about air kissing - that's how Italians greet basically everybody. Yep, we're just that fabulous, grazie. ^^ I guessed it would be awkward for Romano after Chiara did it to him since people don't do that in England so it would be a while since he did it to anybody that wasn't family. All reviewers and favouriters and followers get a homemade tiramisu from Grandpa Rome! That's all for now, folks.  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Wirklich?: G****_erman _****Really?  
Niama: ****_Belorussian _****No  
Cazzo: ****_Italian _****Fuck  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****Brother  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****My dear  
Sí: ****_Spanish/Italian _****Yes  
Köln: ****_German _****Cologne  
Dio: ****_Italian _****God  
Accidenti: ****_Italian _****Damn/Dammit  
Dios mio: ****_Spanish _****My God  
Ché carino: ****_Italian _****How cute  
Lo siento: ****_Spanish _****Sorry**


	9. Bad Friends make Bad Moves

**AN: So...how many apologies do I owe for the spontaneous three week break? xD Oh god you guys, I'm so sorry, I know how many people are reading this (even though I may not be able to believe it) and yet i just kept putting it off or not having enough time or I don't know, I was being a bastard, okay? To try and make it up to you and also t benefit me and and my horrible time-keeping, I'm going to try and finish this ASAP, hopefully within the next month, as I'm going on a school trip to Berlin in December and I want to complete it by then. I also have an epic as shit idea for another fanfiction but I want to finish this one off first, so yeah. Anyhow, in this chapter, THE BAD FRIENDS TRIO HAS LANDED. *fangirls* I kind of love them. Also, I suck at Spain's POV, but we all know that anyway. Rated T for Romano's bad language. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Well, it wouldn't have happened if that tour guide wasn't being such an un-awesome bore," Gil pointed out. "We had to distract ourselves somehow, didn't we?"

"That is true, _mon cher_," Francis agreed, and grinned. "And let's face it; the pattern on that seat cover was simply disgusting."

"Plus, what good what is doing behind that door?" I added, shrugging my shoulders. "It was like it was asking to be set alight."

"So why," Gil looked contemplative as he recalled the memory, "Did that police guy have to be so pissed about it?"

"He obviously didn't see the situation like we did," Francis sighed.

"It takes so much to be recognised as a genius these days," I said unhappily.

There was a pause as we continued looking in space like unappreciated heroes. Then we burst in laughter.

"Honestly, can you three shut up already?" Arthur scolded us as we staggered along behind him, doubled over.

"Yeah, dude, you're being totally annoying!" Alfred added, but he winked at us when Arthur's back was turned. "That stunt you pulled with the chair? Thanks a bunch, man!"

"¡_De nada_!" I thanked Al graciously, wiping tears from my eyes. "We only did it to save us all the pain."

"What about those of us who actually wanted to listen?" Basch entered the conversation angrily. "You were so immature; I should blow your heads off for your childish behaviour!"

"Ah, Basch, why can't you be awesome for once, like me?" Gil rolled his eyes. "We totally got things more exciting and you know it."

"_Oui_, Basch, just be chill about it," Francis waved his hand flamboyantly to emphasise his carelessness. "We got out of the stupid cathedral and that's all that matters."

Basch glared at us. "You three make such bad friends," he spat, and then turned back forwards.

"Why, thank you!" I shouted back.

"That's us, the Bad Friends Trio!" Gil announced, and raised an eyebrow at Francis and me. "Has an awesome ring to it, don't you think?"

"Definitely," we agreed.

We walked along in silence for a few minutes, thinking about our new name as our class and us made our way to our hotel, led by Herr B. I for one was really enjoying myself. Gil, even though he was a few years older than us, had turned out to be really friendly and funny once you got to know him; sure he was still narcissistic and crazy, but the German – sorry, Prussian_ – _was great company and I got the feeling he enjoyed it too. I'd always been friends with Francis, but today after Lovino had said he wanted to be alone, I'd spent most of the morning with him (I broke off from Feliciano after we got into the cathedral) and we had really hit it off. Gil had come over to talk, we'd decided it was a perfect moment to sneak off and find a way to get us off the guided tour and well, the rest is history.

I peered forward into the crowd as Francis started discussing Nataylia – Gil thought she was hot and wanted to know more about her. I could just glimpse Lovi's head, bent down as he walked next to Eliza. He'd been acting strange all morning, and I wasn't sure what I'd done wrong. He'd said he wasn't feeling good, and I'd let him believe that I believed him, but I could sort of tell that something was wrong. Since he'd alerted me of them, I felt as though I'd become more in tune with Lovi's darker emotions.

Hopefully that evening when I spoke to him, he'd tell me more. I hoped it a lot.

A sentence by Francis pulled me back to the conversation going on between my new found friends.

"What was that about Matthew and Ivan?" I asked, confused.

"I said, there is definitely something going on between them," Francis replied, smiling. "I practically raised the guy; I know when he likes somebody. And he and Ivan are sharing a room, are they not?"

"I guess so, but does that mean they're going out?" Gil scratched his head, looking at me with a _do we agree or not? _face.

"Of course it does," Francis said dismissively. "It surprises me to find out Ivan is gay but personally, I don't know why Matthew didn't tell me. He knows I am an expert in this sort of thing."

"What sort of thing?"

"You know – love, homosexuality, boys," Francis looked at us like we were crazy. "Why do you think Eliza got with Roderich in the first place? Because she talked to _moi_."

"You're really an expert?" Gil blinked.

"I am French," Francis said, as if that answered the question.

Gil and I looked at each other, and raised our eyebrows with a smirk.

"Of course you don't believe me now," Francis sighed and stuck up his nose. "But in time, you will see."

"How?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

Francis looked at me, and then out of the blue, there was a hand on my ass. A hand. _On my ass. _"However you want," the Frenchman purred in my ear.

"Get away from me!" I nearly shrieked, jumping away as quick as I could. Francis just smiled knowingly, and Gil laughed.

"I am sorry, Toni," Francis apologised when I'd stopped freaking out. I still walked a metre away from him, just to be safe.

"You should be," I pouted.

"_Ja_, Frenchie, you should know better than to mess with what is Lovino's," Gil told him off, looking stern, but there was still a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"What that's supposed to mean?" I frowned, pulled up short.

"You're right, Gilbert," Francis shook his head shamefully. "I forgot if I touch Toni, his boyfriend would murder me."

"I don't have a boyfriend," I interrupted.

Gil and Francis stared at me, and then they both nodded slowly. "Yes, you do," they said as if they were talking to a small child.

"No, I don't," I shook my head.

There was a pause. "You're kidding, right?" Gil said at last.

"Er, no, _yo no lo creo_."

"But...but..." Francis trailed off, looking horrified. "I was so sure..."

"Did you think Lovino was my _boyfriend_?" I realised, my eyes widening. "Wow, just how many people think that?"

"Um, everybody I think," Gil confessed, still looking at me like I had three heads. "Even I thought so when I first met you. I mean, you act like you are."

"Do we?"

"Even I believed they were dating," Francis murmured to himself, seemingly unaware of the conversation. "But if they're not...and Antonio..." Francis suddenly looked up and at Gilbert.

"What?" Gil and I said at the same time.

"Poor Lovino," Francis said to Gil, not even looking at me.

"_Warum_?" Gil looked confused, and then his expression cleared. "_Oh..."_

"What do you mean, 'poor Lovino'?" I demanded, immediately attentive. "What's happened to my Lovi?"

Gil muttered, "It's sentences like that..." at the same time Francis replied, "Oh, nothing."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Of course!" Francis nodded enthusiastically, and then he and Gil exchanged looks before turning away.

I glared at them for a moment, and then moved until I was walking backwards in front of them. "Okay," I cracked my knuckles threateningly. "What are you not telling me?"

Francis jumped and raised his hands in surrender, looking scared. "Okay, we'll tell you!"

"No, we won't!" Gil shouted defiantly, pushing in front of him. "We will never reveal our secrets! We will stay silent until death!"

I raised a fist, and let him know in my eyes that I _would_ punch him. "Tell. Me."

Gil quailed immediately, hurrying behind Francis. "You tell him," he hissed.

"Fine," Francis licked his lips as I moved to walk alongside him again. "You see...I think Lovino may have a, how do you say? BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS CRUSH ON YOU."

Okay, I was not expecting that. I stopped, surprised. Was he serious? "Are you serious?"

"Deadly," he replied.

I started walking again, puzzled. "But...wouldn't he have told me?"

Gil placed a hand on my shoulder. "Of course not," he sighed. "If he told you and you didn't have a crush on him too, then he'd feel like shit, wouldn't he?"

"But he's my best friend," I tried.

"And why do you think that is?" Francis countered.

"He's an absolutely huge flirt."

"So am I, and I still just put my hand on your ass."

"We're not talking about that, okay? Do you really think Lovi has a crush on me?"

"_Mon ami..." _Francis looked me in the eyes. "I don't think. I know."

"Well, if you're sure..." I trailed off and bit my lip. Gil asked me the very question I was thinking.

"So, what are you going to do now, huh?"

"I..."

* * *

I unpacked my bag slowly. So did Lovino. Silence hung like a wet blanket over everything, as it had done for the past twenty minutes. Lovi wasn't talking to me, and I didn't know what to say. Things were just a little bit awkward.

Should I just come straight out with it? Or should I try to get him talking again first? And what about Lovi's problem that meant he was ignoring me? But if I talk to him about that, would it be a bad time to bring up the other thing? Ugh. I wasn't used to complex situations like this. I felt incredibly paranoid. How did Lovi cope with it every day?

_He doesn't._

That one thought made up my mind. I turned to Lovi and cleared my throat. He looked up.

"What do you want?"

"I want to know what the matter is," I said gently.

"Nothing," he replied immediately, and turned back to his bag.

I walked over to his bed and sat down in front of him, so he couldn't avoid me. "I'm not accepting that as an answer."

"Well, you're going to fucking have to, aren't you?" Lovi looked at his feet, gritting his teeth.

I sighed and looked at my own feet. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Why didn't you just tell me you didn't want to have to deal with me?" Lovi retorted.

I looked up, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't try and avoid it," Lovi snapped, and he glared straight at me so I could see the anger and fear in his eyes. "I saw you with Feliciano on the bus today, getting all cuddly and close. If you were going to ditch me for my _fratellino_, you could have just said. It's not like it's not happened before."

I stood up and opened my mouth to say something, I wasn't sure what. I had no idea how to reply. Lovi seriously thought I wanted to ditch him for Feli? Oh _Dios_. How could anyone be so blind?

I was still standing there with my mouth open like a goldfish when Lovi shook his head and clenched his fists. "You don't need to say anything, okay, Antonio? I understand. If you couldn't handle me and my problems, it's not your fault, you're only human. You just could have a least _told _me, okay? A little heads up would have been nice."

I did the only thing I could think of to do. I walked over to Lovi and pulled him into a hug. At first he struggled against me and told me to 'get the fuck off, you brainless bastard' but after a few seconds of his pointless flailing, he suddenly relaxed and wrapped his arms around my back just as tightly and buried his head into my shoulder.

We stood there in easy silence for a few minutes, just letting him hug out his frustration on me. Then, I gently pulled him away so I could look him in the eye.

"Lovi, let me promise you something, okay?"

"What?" he said warily.

"I promise," I said looking him in the eye. "That I would never, ever, ever, EVER abandon you for anyone, okay? It doesn't matter if it's your brother, or my _mamá_, or Gil or Francis, or even the President of America. I will always be by your side as long as you need me, and for as long as I need you."

"You...you need me?" Lovi whispered.

"Of course I do, _mi querido_," I replied calmly.

"And...and you're not going to date my brother?" he said hopefully.

I threw back my head and laughed. What crazy ideas had he come up with?

Lovi punched my arm weakly and grumbled, "It was a serious question, bastard!" but he was blushing furiously.

I calmed myself down and tried to keep a straight face. "No, Lovino, I am not going to go out with your Feli," I confirmed.

"Good, 'cause..." Lovi trailed off and fiddled with his shirt sleeve.

"'Cause what?" I smiled and reached out to steady his hand.

"I..." Lovi shut his eyes and frowned. "I...just really like you, okay?"

I blinked. Was this his confession? Was he going to confirm Francis' suspicions and tell me he liked me?

"And..." Lovi carried on, but he seemed to get stuck halfway. Then, without warning, he leaned forward and kissed me, right on the lips.

I, for one, was way too surprised to even do anything. I'd been expecting him to say it, or at least as me how much I liked him in return. But instead, he had just _kissed _me. I marvelled at how much bravery it must have taken him.

That was when I realised I was probably supposed to kiss him back. That was what people did, right? But...but those people liked each other. That was why they kissed. And I just didn't know...do I like Lovino or not? Because if I did, now would probably be a great time to realise it. But how am I supposed to do that?

Before I could figure anything out or even try to regain control on my puzzled thoughts, Lovi suddenly pulled away. I opened my eyes and almost fell away from him as he took a step back, his hands where my lips had just been a few seconds ago, pressed against his mouth. He eyes were wide and terrified, and just as I was about to say sorry, he ran past me and out of the room, cursing wildly under his breath.

* * *

**AN: I am a cruel, heartless bastard who just made Spain accidentally reject his Roma. You can all kill me when you see fit. xD Hoping to get the next installment up in a few days, so you don't have to hate me for too long. Or maybe you will hate me more, i don't know. Anyway, that's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Mon cher: ****_French _****my dear  
¡****_De nada_****!: ****_Spanish _****You're welcome  
Oui: ****_French _****Yes  
Moi: ****_French _****Me  
Ja: ****_German _****Yes  
Yo no lo creo: ****_Spanish _****I don't think so  
Warum: ****_German _****Why  
Mon ami: ****_French _****my friend  
Fratellino: ****_Italian _****Little brother  
Oh Dios: ****_Spanish _****Oh God  
Mamá: ****_Spanish _****Mum  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****my dear**


	10. Dude, What Haven't You Done?

**AN: So this is going to be a short author's note because it's late and I'm tired and I just wanted to put up the next chapter quickly. All I can say is, I don't think I've ever written something so terror-filled, seriously. Since about chapter 4 I've actually been building up and changing the story more as I go along, so what started as a relatively ordinary, slightly angsty Spamano fic has become...this. What even. Rated T for language, translations at the bottom. Enjoy.**

* * *

_What. Have. I. Done._

_You idiot! You blind, crazy, stupid motherfucking idiot!_

_Do you have any idea what you've just done, smart-ass?_

_You've ruined everything!_

I staggered blindly down the corridor, barely concentrating on where I going. Voices screamed at me in my mind, causing me to clamp my hands over my ears and whimper pathetically in an effort to shut them up. I couldn't think straight with all these thoughts – all I knew was I'd just done the stupidest thing in my life.

I wanted to stop walking, to lean against a wall and regain my sanity, but I just couldn't. My feet propelled me forward of their own accord, and I was helpless to my own body. I felt people pass me and say things, but I couldn't understand them anymore. My vision was rapidly blurring, and still the voices shouted, my subconscious hurling worse insults than even I was capable of on my own.

_BASTARDBASTARDBASTARDBASTARD BASTARD_

_Everything's fallen apart and it's all your fault!_

_This is what happens when you get too close to people, Lovino._

_How could you lose control like that, you _stronzo_?_

I just wanted it to stop. Why wouldn't it stop?

Sobbing and crying, I continued staggering forward, my running speeding up as I tried to get away from my own mind. I shut my eyes in an effort to concentrate on my thoughts but they just shouted louder, to the point where I couldn't hear anything but those voices.

I felt movement behind me, probably someone standing there, but I promptly forgot about it when my foot trod down in front of me, only to land onto thin air and keep going. I only vaguely registered my body follow after it, careering forwards, arms flailing, down the step. I finally began to clear my head when my skull slammed jarringly against a wall, making a sickening thud sound. My feet were swept from under me and now I was suddenly totally conscious, my mind calm and cool once more. Unfortunately, that just meant I was completely and utterly aware of the pain that occurred as I toppled over onto the next few steps, face down with my arm caught underneath my torso, and began sliding forward, the next floor coming to meet me faster than I could believe.

I heard voices from behind me, shouting my name, and I did the only thing I could think of. I screamed.

* * *

I sighed for about the third time in ten minutes, and adjusted my position on the car seat. It was a challenge – I mean, there are only so many ways you can twist so yet another gorgeous angle of yourself is visible that hasn't previously been shown and/or squished up against the dashboard. However, with my effortless grace, I managed it, and turned my head so I could keep Gil in sight of me. He was making some adjustments to his van and had called me out to keep his company. So far, all he'd done was ask more trivial questions and drop his tools about seven times.

I opened my mouth to answer his question about Elizaveta and Roderich when I heard him drop his wrench again and by the sound of the swearing, it was on his face. However, I stopped listening after a second as my ears picked another, far-away but altogether more interesting noise.

"Did you hear that?" I looked up from watching Gil's legs flail about and cocked my head at an angle, trying to see if the sound would come back.

"Hear what?" The muffled German accent shouted back at me, and I sighed. Of course he hadn't heard it – he was practically deaf under there.

"There's shouting going on up there," I frowned and gestured to the hotel. Jumping down from the seat and flicking my hair over my shoulder, I walked forward and concentrated. _Oui_ - that was definitely shouting.

"Really? What's happening?" Gil's voice became suddenly clearer as he pulled himself out from under the van and sat up, rubbing his head.

"I don't know, I'm down here with you, aren't I?" I sniffed and turned back to him. Grimacing, I said, "Honestly, Gil, you can't invite me here if you're going to be as dirty as that."

"_Ja_, well, I'm fixing my awesome van, I'm bound to get a bit oily," he snapped back, and grinned. "At least I'm not dressed like a depressed poet or something, Frenchie."

I was about to retort back about how this was _fashion_, not some reject from the 19th century, when a scream came from the hotel, loud and fearful. At the same time, Gil and I whipped our heads round, and within the next few seconds, we were up and running towards the double doors.

* * *

"Kiku, come on, just one more match?" I bounced up and down on my bed, whining. In front of me, a card game was laid out, ready for a game of _scopa_, but my opponent had decided that the concept was too hard and was reading instead.

"No, Feli-kun, I already told you I want to finish this book," Kiku replied calmly, ignoring my pleas.

"But I was winning! Why won't you play with me?" I asked, hurt. We'd been having fun – it wasn't fair on me for Kiku to ruin it like that.

"It's too confusing a game," he sniffed.

"Well then, how about I teach you another game?" I brightened up, thinking about _briscola_. I'm sure Kiku would love the strategic thinking behind that one!

But Kiku just shrugged and said, "I'll think about it."

Well, that's just mean. I know Kiku always says that when he really means 'no', but is too nice to say it. I was about to tell him that as well when I heard the door of the room next to us, the door to Toni and _fratello_'s room, slam open and hurried footsteps run past.

Immediately, I forgot about the games and jumped up from my bed, intrigued. Had something happened between Toni and Lovino? I walked to the door and peeked out, in case something violent was going on. Instead, I saw my _fratellone _running crazily past Elizaveta and Roderich, who were pushed out the way.

"Hey, Lovino, watch where you're going!" Roderich shouted at him, his arm up to protect Elizaveta, who looked surprised.

When Lovino didn't even turn around and respond to Roderich's outright insult, I knew something was wrong. I started down the corridor after him, calling him frantically.

"Lovino? _Fratello_! What's the matter? _FRATELLO!"_

When I passed Elizaveta and Roderich and they saw how upset I was, they followed after me, shouting at Lovino and telling him to stop. I saw how close to Lovino was getting to the stairwell, and built up more speed, the kind I only usually reserve when I'm trying to escape a scary dog or Herr B's frustration.

Lovino wouldn't or couldn't stop though, his running just getting faster and more out of control. His hands were clamped over his ears, something I'd seen him do before, and I was sure his eyes were shut too. And still he got closer to the stairs. I wasn't going to make it!

I reached _fratello _and had just stretched out my hand to grab his jumper when his whole body jerked forward and I saw with horror that he'd fallen down the first step. His head crunched horribly against the wall and he landed on his front on the stairs, his left arm twisted underneath him and his legs flailing wildly.

He began to slide forward and in a moment of complete terror, he screamed. That scream pushed me into action, and I stumbled dangerously down the steps, fumbling for his legs as they slipped further and further away. I was practically sobbing, still shouting his name and begging him to stop. Please, dear God, don't let me lose him too!

I saw a large shape move in front of me and then there was a grunt and suddenly, Lovino stopped sliding. Instead, he was wriggling about on the spot, and as I looked up, I saw Gilbert with his hands clamped around Lovino's chest and holding him in place. His face was as red as his eyes and I realised that the strength needed to stop _fratello _and also keep Gilbert's own balance was probably getting too much for him, however strong he was. Behind him, Francis was pushing against Gil's back to help, but it wasn't doing much.

Quickly, I grabbed Lovino's legs and tried to pull him up the steps, but I wasn't strong enough. I looked behind me and shouted, "Help me!" to Roderich and Elizaveta, who were just standing there, staring. They jumped and immediately moved forward to help, coming up on either side of me and grabbing a leg. Together, with us pulling and Gil and Francis pushing, we got Lovino up the stairs and onto the landing, where we laid him out to realise he'd blacked out, unconscious.

I was just catching my breath and thinking about whether or not my _fratello _had seriously injured himself when there came a strangled sob from behind me.

* * *

I watched helplessly as Lovino ran past me and out of the room, whispering profanities and clenching his fists. I willed my body to move, to follow him, but I just couldn't seem to control myself. The confused thoughts left over from the kiss still hadn't cleared, and Lovi's abrupt exit had just jumbled my mind even more.

I knew he needed me right now, and that if I didn't go after him then we could never be right again, but I still had doubts. If I did follow him, what could I say? Was there anything I could tell him that wouldn't make him hate me? Just how accurate was Francis' idea that he had a long-term crush on me? What could I do so I didn't lose him forever?

Frozen in place, I heard shouts from outside in the corridor, and I vaguely registered them as Roderich, Eliza and Feliciano's voices, but they still barely affected me. I was just too caught up in my own head, wondering frantically about Lovi's actions and my own response to them. What I'd always wanted was for Lovi to be happy, but how could I do that now if I knew how he felt about me, and I was just too confused about how I felt about him?

My quandary was interrupted by a loud scream echoing from the corridor. I knew that scream – I'd heard it just two nights ago when Lovi had had that dream. I remembered the feeling of pain as I saw Lovi be hurt before my eyes, and how much I'd hated it when I'd heard it hadn't been just a dream. How I wanted to protect him from whoever wanted to do those things to him, and how I wanted to make sure no-one could ever raise their hands or their voice at my Lovino ever again.

The onslaught of emotion accompanying the realisation that Lovi was in pain just outside my door caused me to break free of my shock-induced paralysis and lurch violently to the door. I pulled it open, ready to step outside and to Lovi's defence, but the sight in front of me stopped me short.

_Mi pobre _Lovino was spread out on the floor, eyes shut, face pale, arms and legs spread out in odd positions. Only his left arm was resting on his chest, but the hand was at an unnatural angle. Around him, Feli, Eliza, Roderich, Gil and Francis were breathing heavily, hands on their knees as they slowly got their breath back. I spared them no more than a glance though – I just couldn't look away from Lovi, and a choked-up noise escaped my throat.

Feliciano looked up to see me when I made that sound, his golden eyes wide with fear and adrenaline. He straightened up and walked towards me shakily. "Antonio," he said, trying to sound calm but failing, "what exactly happened? I just heard _fratello _ leave your room, and then he was running down the corridor, and then...and then..." Feli's eyes filled with tears and he turned away, straight into the waiting arms of Eliza, who had moved to just behind him.

I stared at Lovi, unable to believe it. "Is he...?" I hesitated, struggling to say the last word.

"He's not dead," Roderich interrupted bluntly, sounding more collected than the rest of us put together. "We checked his pulse and he's alive, but unconscious. He took quite a fall down those stairs, Toni. His hand maybe broken and his head has definitely sustained some serious injury, but other than that he seems fine."

_But he isn't, because he's never fine_, I thought sadly. "Do we need to take him to a hospital?" I asked, moving forward and past the crying Feli, to next to Francis and Gil.

"_Mien Bruder_ knows First Aid," Gil said suddenly, looking at us. "Maybe we should get him here and fixing up Lovino a bit before we call anambulance."

"_Gute Idee_," Roderich replied immediately, having somehow taken charge. "Go get him." Gil nodded and left quickly, hurrying down the stairs without a backward glance.

"Eliza, why don't you take Feliciano and get him cleaned up and calmed down a bit?" Roderich said to the Hungarian, in a softer voice this time, and she must have nodded because I heard her walking away, whispering consolations to Feli as they left.

Roderich turned to Francis and me and was about to issue another order, when I shushed him and stepped forward, falling to my knees. "He's waking up."

It was true – Lovi began stirring and a soft moan came from his mouth. He opened his eyes for a second but shut them just as quickly at the harsh light. Instead he tried to move his body, but a wince told me that was working out either. I leaned forward to call out his name, try and get a response, but I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Francis pressing a finger against his lips.

I frowned and looked back at Lovi, but he was gone again, his expression smoothed out and his body relaxed. This told me he was only sleeping, which was better than blacking out, but still meant I couldn't speak to him, couldn't apologise. I bit my lip and sat back on my heels, having been robbed of my chance.

_What have I done?_

* * *

**AN: Next chapter will be up in a few days, I promise. Now, my bed awaits me. Don't forget to follow and favourite. That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Stronzo: ****_Italian _****asshole  
Oui: ****_French _****yes  
Ja: ****_German _****yes  
Scopa: ****_Italian _****Sweep (it's a card game.)  
Briscola: ****_Italian _****Trumps (another card game.)  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****brother  
Fratellone: ****_Italian _****big brother  
Mi pobre Lovino: ****_Spanish _****my poor Lovino  
Mein Bruder: ****_German _****my brother  
Gute Idee: ****_German _****good idea**


	11. The Cute One Where Not Much Happens

**AN: So, if I was paid 50p every time I wrote 'fratello' or pressed the full stop button three times while writing this chapter, I'd be a fucking millionaire, okay. Seriously, it was almost painful. Anyway, this chapter has a lot of Italy brothers, but when were we ever complaining about that? Spain is only in this one for the first ten seconds as well, but he is in the next chapter A LOT, and I know because I've already planned it and I love it. Also, just to assure no-one in particular, Chiara will be back within the next few chapters, and will make another appearance at least once before this story is finished. Don't worry, I liked her a lot so she'll be back xD Anyhoo, thanks to all the wonderful people qho hve been following and favouriting and reviewing this story - baci! :* I don't own Hetalia. Rated T for Roma's language. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

"So, you're sure he won't need to go to hospital?"

"The paramedics told me it was a clean break in the wrist, so it was only a simple matter to strap it together and it could heal fine. As for his head, there doesn't appear to be outward signs of damage, but, well...we'll see when he wakes up. He's bruised all over but those will be gone in two weeks. As it is, he just needs rest and peace."

"Oh, of course! I wouldn't dream of disturbing him!"

"Good, because the last thing he needs right now is fuss, Antonio. In other words, try to keep his brother away from him."

"I think that's pretty impossible, Herr B. Feliciano is traumatised, I think a seven nation army or a truck full of lasagne couldn't hold him back when Lovino wakes up."

"Hmmm, I guess that boy is stubborn. Well, at least tell him beforehand about the no-fuss rule, _ja_?"

"Sure thing. By the way, Herr B...when _will_ Lovi wake up?"

"Hard to say. He's been sleeping for this long...if he doesn't come to soon we may have serious brain damage on our hands."

There was a gasp. "What?! You mean he might be in a coma or something?"

"No, a coma would mean he was unconscious. But if his head has been injured in some fatal way by the fall, his body could be keeping him asleep so it can heal itself."

"Oh. Okay..."

"Now, listen Antonio, I'm going to need you to come and give a full account of what happened for the school records, so we can log the accident as just that, an accident. We can send someone in to keep Lovino company..."

Their voices faded away as they left the room and the door slammed shut. There were a few seconds of silence where nothing happened, and then I immediately sat up on the bed, pressing my hand against my skull to try and ignore the splitting headache.

Of course, I was already awake. I'd actually been conscious for at least ten minutes, but just as I'd found the energy to move, Herr B and Antonio had walked in and started talking and I hadn't really wanted to speak to either of them, so I'd kept quiet and still until just now. Now, when the person walked in to keep an eye on me, I'd just tell them I had only just woken up. _Facile_.

I stretched my arms and legs and felt something grate against my arm. Wincing, I pulled it back in to observe the still white cast around my hand. It was itchy and bland, and I hated it already. I hadn't even taken painkillers yet, so my wrist was aching like a bitch. What had Luddy said again? A clean break? Felt more like it had been splintered into mush.

I leaned back against the headboard and tucked my arm across my stomach, deciding it was probably best to keep it still. I was just looking around for water since I was fucking parched, when someone hurried into the room. I rolled my eyes and looked up, but my face broke into a smile despite itself when I saw who it was.

"_Fratello_?"

Feliciano jumped and spun around from where he'd been texting frantically whilst shutting the door. When he saw me, sitting up in the bed and smirking slightly, he practically had an aneurism right then and there. "LOVINO!"

Suddenly, there were arms hugging me and this wetness seeping down the front of my jumper and a voice practically screaming praises in Italian in my ear, which really wasn't helping my headache. "Okay, _fratello_, I'm alive! Please, stop choking me!"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Feli worried, pulling back quickly and sitting on the bed next to me, tears still running down his face. "I'm just...ah, I'm so happy to see you awake! Ve, you have no idea how scared I've been!"

"Judging by that reaction, I think I've got a theory," I rolled my eyes and made myself more comfortable against the pillow. "Anyway, how've you been?"

"Oh, shut up about me already, how are you feeling?" Feli said dismissively, and raised a hand against my forehead. "Do you feel sick? Are you going to throw up? How about your wrist? Does it hurt? Do you need painkillers? Do you want something to drink? To eat? Or are you too sick? _Oh Dio, _what about your head? Is that painful? Have you got brain damage? Can you remember anything? Do you know who I am? Do you know who you are? Do you know where we are? Can you still speak English? Can you still speak Italian?! _FRATELLO_, ANSWER ME, WHERE IS-"

"Shut up!" I pressed my hands against my ears and shouted, then moaned and clutched my head. "Thanks, bastard, now my head hurts more. That's just fucking A."

"Well, I think it's safe to say his personality hasn't been affected by brain damage," a voice said disapprovingly, and we both looked round to see Luddy closing the door. "Watch your language, Lovino."

"Whatever," I shrugged.

"How are you feeling?" Luddy questioned, walking over and placing a hand on my shoulder.

"My wrist really hurts. And I have a headache. And I'm thirsty. And I'm hungry," I listed, pushing his hand off my shoulder and pointedly looking at Feli instead. "Also, what time is it?"

"Fair enough," Luddy nodded. "I shall get some painkillers and a drink for you."

"It's about six," my _fratellino _added.

"Thanks." I pressed my lips together and shut my eyes, letting myself relax for the first time in a while. There was quiet talking going on next to me, then footsteps. They stopped and turned around, and then heard, "Oh, and I'll also tell Antonio you're awake, _ja_? He has been veryworried about you."

"No!" I sat straight up and regretted it, my head bringing on a fresh wave of pain. I gritted my teeth against it and concentrated on the room. "I don't want to see him. Don't talk to him."

"You don't want to see Toni?" Feli sounded disbelieving. "_Fratello_, what's the matter?"

"_Niente_, I just...just don't feel like it right now, okay?" I snapped in reply. Luddy and Feli shared a look.

The German started, "Lovino, I think Antonio has a right to-" but I interrupted.

"Hey, I'm the injured one around here, so I think I have more say over who I get to see! And if I don't want to see Toni, then I don't want to see Toni!" I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest, being careful about my left one.

Luddy looked at me for a few more seconds, then shrugged and adjusted his jacket. "If you're sure," he said evenly, then left the room before I could make a comeback.

I sighed.

...

...

Oh my god, where are my voices?

Without even thinking about it, after I'd sighed, I'd been waiting for a voice in my head to make some sort of sarcastic comment on the situation, like they usually do. But instead, I was greeted with silence. When was the last time I'd been alone in my own mind? I couldn't remember.

I wanted to cheer or cry or something like that, but I didn't. I'd never told anybody about the voices – seriously, what do you think I am, insane? ...Don't answer that. – so if I showed outward signs of happiness now, people who wonder why. Instead, I stayed quietly grateful and decided that bang on the head hadn't been so bad after all.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a buzzing noise, and looked down to see Feli's iPhone lighting up with a new message. Next to me, Feli looked down too, and swept up the phone quickly before I could see who it was. So I just asked instead.

"Who is it?"

Feli paused for a second before answering, his fingers flying over the screen, then tucked the phone away in his back pocket and looked at his feet, biting his lip. "Um...it's _Nonno_."

My eyes widened. "Feliciano, you didn't tell him what happened, did you?"

Feli continued chewing his lip, then glanced me in the eye. Immediately cowering with fear under my expression, he squealed, "I had to, okay?! I was so worried and I knew the school would tell him if I didn't so I just texted him when I'd calmed down and-"

"Great." I slumped down on the pillow and glared at a chest of drawers like it had done me a personal wrong. "Just fucking great."

"Don't be like that, _fratello_!" Feli shook my shoulder gently, trying to get me to look at him. "_Nonno_ cares, you know he does!"

"Yeah, about you maybe," I muttered.

"No, he cares about both of us, he's always said so. Maybe when we were younger, he was away a lot and didn't watch out for us that much, but he's changed now! Ve, he loves us a lot, you too, and when you were hurt he had a right to know."

I turned on him, about to shout, reminding him that, sure, _Nonno_ had changed, but only after our parents died and he went crazy, or has he forgotten that? But the scared expression on his face and the way he was clenching my shoulder just robbed me of the little energy I had, and I settled for a snide "fine, if you're so sure" before burrowing further down under the duvet.

"I am sure," Feli replied, smiling weakly. I felt him stand up and heard the sounds of a chair scraping across the floor, then him sitting down on it. "Now, Lovino..." he started, actually calling me by my name for once. "What happened with Toni?"

The question caught me off guard for a second, but luckily I have fast reactions. Slowly manoeuvring myself over onto my side so I was facing the wall, I said, "I told you before, nothing."

There was a pause, then Feli said quietly, "_Io...io non ti credo_."

I sighed. What was it with people and not believing? I'm an expert liar, what was wrong with me? "Look, _fratello_, I don't want to tell you, okay. It's none of your business."

"But if it's upsetting you..." Feli began.

"I'm not upset! I'm fine! Why wouldn't I be?"

There was silence from him, so I assumed he'd given up and lay still, trying to pretend I was falling asleep. I actually wasn't tired at all, seeing as I'd just been out for the count for what had been about three hours, but I really didn't feel like talking or even thinking about what had happened to cause the accident.

That was when Feli said, "Toni told me that you'd been talking to him...and you know, telling him...stuff."

Okay, what.

I was forced to turn horribly slowly just to look Feli in the eye, which annoyed me as it was far less dramatic and far more awkward than just flipping onto my back. When I got there, I cleared my throat to add to whatever tension was left. Then I said calmly, with just a hint of an edge to my voice, "Do you really mean that, or are you just making it up in the hopes its true?"

Feli looked like he was about to wet himself, but nodded bravely. "He told me this morning. He said he'd got you to open up to him the last few nights, and...and that he was really, really worried for you."

Well, I'd seen Feli and Toni talking this morning, so I could hardly argue with that. But I still couldn't believe Toni had told Feli so readily about me – seriously, does that guy have no concept of privacy? And why on Earth would Toni be worried about me? He had no right to. Maybe I'd told him some shit, but that didn't mean he had to take matters in his own hands. Stupid bastard.

I noticed Feli looking at me strangely, and furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

"You just...you haven't said anything," Feli replied, sounding a little more stable than a few minutes ago, probably because I wasn't give him a death glare.

I realised he was right and looked away, suddenly finding the ceiling very interesting. "What is there to say?"

"I just want to know why you've told Toni all of this and not me!" Feli burst out, and I widened my eyes at him. He shrunk down again, but didn't stop talking. "I'm your brother, and he's your best friend, and I know that doesn't mean I'm better than him or anything, but you never tell anyone anything, Lovino, so why when you decide you're going to, you choose to tell him? Ve, what's wrong with me? Can't I be trusted as well? Don't I..." Feli trailed off and clenched his fists slightly. "...Don't I mean as much to you?"

"Feliciano..." I whispered, and pushed myself up as quickly as possible. "I didn't want to tell him, okay? I had a nightmare again, and he was asking me what is was about, and I tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't leave it alone. So I told him some things, you know, the guys who used to attack me and everything, but then he carried on asking last night as well, and I just wanted him to see that it was hopeless to help me, okay? I didn't want him to know, and I really, really wanted him to just drop it, but now if you say he's still worried..." I didn't finish.

Feli looked at me with huge eyes, and said quietly, "So...so you're not hiding anything from me?"

"Well..." I scratched the back of my head and started turning red. "I guess...I guess there are things I'm not telling you...but only because I haven't got round to telling you yet," I added quickly and waved my hands in a calm-down motion when I saw Feli start to well up again. "It's not because...dammit, Feliciano, you're my _fratellino_, of course you mean a lot to me! But you know I...I care about Toni too," I ended lamely.

Feli smiled and sat up a little straighter. "It's okay, _fratello_, I understand," he said, wiping his eyes. "I don't know why I shouted like that, I guess I got a bit upset, huh?" he laughed, and I found myself smiling weakly alongside him. "But it's okay. I know how you feel about Toni. I shouldn't have expected anything else."

I nodded, agreeing with him for a moment, then stopped and frowned. "Hang on, what do you mean, 'how I feel about Toni'?"

"You know," Feli said, grinning and straightening his hoodie sleeves. "You love him, right?"

If I'd had a drink in my mouth (speaking of, where was Luddy with my water? My throat still fucking ached) at that moment, then I'd had probably done that thing you see in movies when I'd spray Feli with liquid as I processed what he'd said. As it was, all I did was splutter crazily and try to formulate an actual sentence that said something along the lines of, "SAY WHAAAAAA?"

Feli just laughed at me. "_Fratellone_, I know, okay? Ve, don't even try and make excuses. You have a huge crush on him and you know it."

"Maybe I do, but I don't motherfucking LOVE him!" I nearly shrieked, trying to steady myself before I broke another wrist with all the flailing I was doing.

"Fine, but the point is, you like him, don't you?" Feli smiled, but there was something else in his eyes – the same thing I'd seen when he'd been talking about me telling Toni things.

"I just said maybe, didn't I?" I muttered, folding my arms and hunching my shoulders huffily.

"So that means yes," Feli said, nodding, and without even letting me object, he said, "So, have you told him yet?"

"Not...not exactly," I stuttered, wishing he would just drop it already.

"Not exactly? Ve, what did you do, kiss him by accident or something?" Feli giggled, then he saw the expression on my face. "Wait...you didn't, did you?"

"Maybe," I squirmed.

"No way!" Feli's eyes practically fell out of his head. "Awww, Lovino, that's so cute! You actually kissed him! What was it like?"

"I don't know, it didn't last very long," I slumped my shoulders dejectedly.

"Did he not kiss you back?" Feli looked confused as I nodded. He began wringing his hands. "Why not? I don't get it."

"Probably because he didn't want to," I laughed bitterly. "Probably because he doesn't like me. Really, Feliciano, it's not that hard to figure out."

"No, but..." Feli frowned, then looked up at me. "What did you do then?"

"You saw."

"You mean...that's when you ran out?"

"_Sí._"

"Oh Lovino..." Feli whispered, then began wringing his hands again. "Are...are you okay?"

I gestured at myself. "You tell me, you pulled me up the stairs," I spat.

"You remember that, huh?" Feli smiled, but not with his eyes. "That's not what I mean. After Toni didn't kiss you back, are you okay?"

I looked at my knees and thought about the surprise in my mind when I'd realised I was kissing Antonio, without even meaning to. I remembered the brief moment of hope flashing through my head as I believed that maybe, just maybe, he would kiss me back and he would like me too and it would turn out okay. I remembered the fear slowly growing as Antonio remained unresponsive, his body almost leaning away from me as I pressed my lips against his. I remembered pulling away from him suddenly because I couldn't take it anymore, the horrible truth that he actually didn't like me, because even though I had told myself I was okay with it, I'd still been secretly hoping for the opposite. I remembered the tears starting to spill down my cheeks as I ran out of the room, swearing to myself because I'd been so, so _stupid_. I remembered the voices, good riddance to them, screaming at me so loudly I couldn't think straight or hear anything around me. I remembered agreeing with those voices, and in that second when those voices caused me to fall down those stairs, just before I was plunged into total terror, I'd wished that I'd die falling those stairs, because someone as pathetic as me didn't even deserve to live. I remembered all of that, and clenched my fists so tight I felt my nails break the skin. "What do you think?" I said softly.

Feli nodded gently. "I thought so," he murmured, then pulled out his phone to check something. His eyes widened, and he stood immediately. "_Fratello_, I've got to go, okay? I don't want to leave you, but...this is important, okay? _Scusami_," he added, then quickly wrapped his arms around me in a hug.

I squirmed away from him – I mean, ew, human contact! When he finally pulled away, I said, "Where are you going? What's so important?"

"Just...something," Feli avoided. I looked at him for a second, the shrugged.

"Whatever. Be back soon, okay?"

"Sure! _Ciao_!" Feli grinned, then pushed the door open before waving at me and disappearing into the corridor. Then it was just me, alone with my thoughts.

"Which," I said out loud to no-one in particular, "is never a good idea."

* * *

**AN: Awwww, I love the Italy brothers. You will see where Veneziano is off to next chapter ;) So, you know the drill, leave a review if you liked it or even follow and favourite if it was the best damn cookie in the jar! Highly doubt that, but I digress. Thanks for reading. That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Ja: ****_German_**** Yes  
Facile: ****_Italian _****Easy  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****Brother  
Oh Dio: ****_Italian _****Oh God  
Fratellino: ****_Italian _****little brother  
Niente: ****_Italian _****Nothing  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****Granddad/Grandpa  
Io non ti credo: ****_Italian _****I don't believe you  
Fratellone: ****_Italian _****big brother  
Sí: ****_Italian _****Yes  
Scusami: ****_Italian _****Excuse me  
Ciao: ****_Italian _****Goodbye**


	12. Enter the Fujoshis and Cue Nosebleeds

**AN: So, this chapter was maybe slightly talked up a bit in the author's notes in the last chapter. Turns out, the idea I've been plotting away was WAAAAAAAY too long for just one chapter, so here is the first half of when everyone decides they're going to take Spain and Romano's relationship into their own hands. Because it's only one half, it a) is really motherfucking long and b) has an absolutely shit ending, but the next chapter will be up tomorrow, pinky promise, so you won't have to sit there going, "Uh, no." for too long. Hopefully. Anyhow, more apologies for terrible Spain POV and I have so much love for Elizaveta in this chapter. I was also doing the translations, and realised just how many insults fly in this chapter. Hehehe, everyone hates each other (but they don't really. Well, apart from maybe Hungary and Prussia.) Rated T for...holy shit, Romano isn't in this one! D: Um, rated T for Spain's ass? Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

After we'd told Feliciano to go and look after Lovino, Herr B left me in the corridor with a sheet of paper and a pen. I had to write down my eyewitness account of what had happened to Lovi for the school records, and as I leaned against the wall, I realised I wasn't really looking forward to it at all.

It wasn't that I hated thinking about the accident, I mused as I chewed the pen absentmindedly, because, well, any thoughts of my Lovi getting hurt were never welcomed. It was the fact that, when I replayed the scenes over in my head, I could pick out every moment where I'd failed to act, every thought that I should have acted on, every action that could have been. With every small change I made to what had happened, a new ending appeared in my mind, and in each of those endings, Lovino was safe and well, instead of curled up in his bed with a broken wrist and possible brain damage.

It was horrible, knowing there was so much I could have done to save Lovi. I felt like I'd failed him in some way, even though I'd never been declared protector to Lovino, I had still sort of taken it upon myself to look out for him. Especially since he had told me about all those people who used to beat him up – _Dios_, even thinking of them now made me bite down harder on the pen. And anyway, I knew he'd do the same for me. So, of course I felt bad that my best friend had just been injured seriously, but it was still kind of weird that I felt _guilty_.

And then there was that kiss. Okay, I was never, ever, ever going to write down that kiss for someone like Herr B to see. I was still confused over everything that had gone on in those few seconds, and I was not ready to fully analysise it for anyone other than myself and possibly a friend or two.

I probably would have stood there in the corridor chewing that pen until Doomsday and thinking in circles if I hadn't been interrupted by said two friends.

"TONI." A voice shouted sharply from further down the hall, and my head whipped round to see Gil and Francis walking towards me. Gil, obviously the one who had shouted, was still covered in dirt from earlier, I had no idea where from, and Francis had changed outfits yet again. Both had an eyebrow raised and were smirking.

"What are you doing out here, _mon cher_?" Francis asked, stopping beside me.

Gil walked past to slump against the wall as well. "_Ja_, aren't you supposed to be playing nurse to your little Italian?" he questioned, head tilted.

"Okay, first, I don't see how you can be talking about his accident so easily, since both of you helped rescue him," I chided, pulling the pen from my mouth and using it to point accusingly. "Second, I wish I was still looking after him, because I'm really worried about why he hasn't woken up yet. Third, I'm out here because Herr B asked me to record the event for school records."

"Seriously? Jeez, sounds fun," Gil rolled his eyes and grabbed the paper from my hand. "so what have you got so far?" He studied the blank page for a second, and then looked up at me. "Slow down, Toni, you don't want to be handing in a novel."

"Oh, shut up," I muttered, and took the paper back. "I just can't think of what to write, that's all."

"Well, not jumping to conclusions or anything, but I _think _you're supposed to write what happened." Francis gazed thoughtfully at some random spot on the floor and stroked his (practically) non-existent beard. I rolled my eyes at him but still smiled, while Gil laughed his odd laugh next to me.

"Speaking of which," Francis stopped being a sucker for attention and became serious now, "What actually did happen, Toni?"

"Yeah, we only heard as much as we already know from Feliciano," Gil added, and crossed his arms. "Really, you're the only one who knows the full story."

"I...I'm not sure what to say," I confessed, chewing the pen again. "A lot of what went on was very fast and I'm still confused over a lot of the details. Plus, I don't know if Lovi would want me to tell you."

"Oh please, that guy is hardly in any position to argue anyway," Francis waved a hand dismissively and pouted. "We have a right-"

"Gilbert, Francis, are you harassing Antonio?" a new voice interrupted from behind my two friends, and they both jumped and turned around to reveal Herr B standing there, with a stern expression on his face. As his question sunk into our brains, we all sprang into our respective actions.

I immediately started defending Gil and Francis, saying they were doing nothing of the sort, but my words were quickly drowned out by Gil's nervous, "Kesesesese, West, where did you come from?" and just as quickly completely trampled upon by Francis pretty much draping himself all over me and going, "Of _course_ we were harassing him, _Monsieur _Beilschmidt."

Herr frowned at us as I wrestled Francis off of me and replied to Gil's question; "I've just been with the Vargas twins."

"Oh really?" I perked up at this sentence, and leaving Francis on the floor to rub his bruised arm (courtesy of a Carriedo Elbow Jab™), moved forward to hear better. "How is Lovi?"

"He's...okay," Herr B said slowly, and then flinched as though he was struggling with something internally.

"West, are you okay?" Gil put a hand on his brother's shoulder and furrowed his eyebrows.

"_Ja_, I just..." Herr B was still frowning, and then he suddenly burst out, "Lovino's awake."

"What?!" My face lit up as I realised this meant I could finally talk to him. Also, hopefully he was still mentally healthy and not in too much pain to see me. Oh please, let him still know who I am! "He's awake? Really?"

"Yes," Herr B said, still looking uneasy. I started forward, ready to rush into Lovi's room and apologise like a mad person, but the German raised an arm to stop me. When I looked at him, he said, "You can't go see him, Antonio."

I took a step back. "Why not?" I challenged. I heard Francis give a low whistle behind me.

"Because...because he's still very sick," Herr B replied quickly. "Yes, he says he's feeling terrible, and his headache is awful, and he thinks he may have flu or something. Yes and his brother can stay in there because he's already had the flu!" Herr B looked oddly proud of himself.

There was a short silence where I stood, confused, because didn't Lovi have the flu two years ago? Then Gil piped up, "West, you are the worst liar ever," and it dawned on me it wasn't true.

My mind clearing, I straightened up and looked Herr B in the eye. "Herr Beilschmidt, I'm afraid I have to go to see my Lovi, no matter what you say. _Por favor_, can you move?"

I waited for a reply, and when none came, I started to walk. However, I was stopped by Herr B saying, "He doesn't want to see you."

I turned, ready to get angry at Herr B for giving a lie that suggested Lovino wanted to stay away from me, but his expression made me pause. He didn't look awkward or uncomfortable like had when he'd lied before – instead, he just looked sad. I glanced at Gil and saw he was frowning at Herr B, which confirmed to me that he wasn't lying. I mean, his brother would know, right?

But that just meant that Herr B had been speaking the truth. "He...doesn't...want...to see me?"

"No," Herr B confirmed, and sighed. "_Traurig_, Antonio, but that's what he said. He didn't want me to even tell you he was awake, but...well, I felt you ought to know."

"_Gracias_," I said automatically, but I sounded wooden and it's not like anybody could understand me anyway. All I could do was stand there, blinking repeatedly like I had something in my eye and chewing that stupid pen over and over again. Why didn't Lovi want to talk me? Did he want to stay away from permanently? What had I done? Was this because of the kiss? Why was he being so stubborn?

I barely registered Herr B walking past me and Francis and Gil moving closer to me. I reconnected with reality when both my arms were grabbed, held against my back and I was pushed bodily down the hall and into a room. Protesting, I was shoved against a bed. Quickly, I regained my balance and sat myself upright, looking up to see Francis shut the door and Gil sit opposite me, elbows resting on his knees, narrowing his eyes at me. I suddenly felt like a victim of the Spanish Inquisition.

"Okay," Gil said slowly as Francis sat down and assumed the same position as the Prussian, "now you have to tell us what happened."

I opened my mouth to argue, but Francis added, "On pain of death."

I frowned, smirked and was about to deadpan spectacularly and Gil quickly said, "Not your death. We'll throw boxes of tomatoes out of the window."

Okay, so that made me stop. I wasn't about to let them harm _mis tomates preciosos_! I sighed and put down the scrunched paper and poor abused pen I was still holding. "To make a long story short, Lovino kissed me."

They obviously weren't expecting that, because both Gil and Francis sat up straight. I carried on, "I don't think he meant to do it. We were just talking, and then he just...did it." I finished lamely.

"And what did you do?" Gil asked, staring.

I was about to answer when Francis held up a hand to signal I should shut up. "Before you say anything, I just need to call in someone who will want to hear this," he smiled, then pulled out his mobile and sent off a quick text. He began to put the phone away, then paused and texted someone else as well. Finally, he put the phone away and turned back to me.

"Don't answer Gil's question yet," he commanded, and I nodded slowly, not sure what he was getting at. "_Plutôt_, I think you should apologise to me for not believing he had a crush on you in the first place."

"Hey, I never said I didn't believe you," I protested, but Gil rolled his eyes and Francis gave me a disapproving look, so I begrudgingly said, "Sorry_._"

"Sorry for what?" the Frenchman smirked, crossing his arms.

I raised an eyebrow at him, the grinned and said, "_Lo siento. Eres un idiota._"

"Hey!" Francis whined, hurt, and threw at shoe at me. Gil burst into laughter at my sentence and I just batted the shoe away, still smiling serenely. "I may not know Spanish, but some words aren't exactly that hard to figure out. _Salope_," he added, winking.

Even though I had no idea what he'd said, I knew it was offensive, so I pressed a hand against my chest and dropped my mouth open, feigning shock. "¡How dare you, _cerdo_!"

In return, Francis pressed a hand against his forehead, before grinning and countered, "_Putain_."

I snapped my fingers in the Z formation and replied, "¡_Cobista_!"

Francis held up a finger and opened his mouth to let loose another French insult when a voice interrupted. "Ladies, ladies, you're both pretty, now can we please get to the point?"

I looked up see Elizaveta and Roderich standing in the doorway, the Hungarian gripping her boyfriend's arm like he would melt away or something if she let go. Hand on her hip, she walked over to sit next to me and dragged Roderich with her. "That's better," she smiled, making herself comfortable.

I frowned. "Eliza, why are you here?"

"Francis texted me to come to his room because something important was happening, so I came," Eliza explained, pulling her phone out of her purse and waving it around to make a point.

I glanced over at Francis, confused. "Why would Eliza want to hear what we're talking about?"

Francis and Gil shook their heads at me. "Watch this," Gil said calmly. Then he turned to Eliza and explained, "Lovino kissed Antonio."

I barely kept up with what happened next. First of all, Eliza sat up so straight she nearly fell off the bed. Then, her hands started flapping about, which was a real health hazard with the whole purse-in-one-hand-spontaneously-producing-camera-with-the-other thing. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out, then dogs started barking somewhere in the distance. Finally, she started babbling in mixed Hungarian and English and pulling at my shirt sleeve so hard I thought my arm would break off. I caught phrases like "watching through the window" and "never so hot" and decided to stop listening in case I had nightmares.

Roderich, obviously used to this kind of behaviour, easily pried his girlfriend's arms off of me and held them by her side until she stopped jittering about and talking at a hundred miles an hour, which took about three minutes in the end. Meanwhile, I turned to Francis and whispered, "Can I swap seats with you?"

Francis rolled his eyes, but complied, so in the next few seconds I was next to Gil and Francis was muttering something to Eliza which calmed her down pretty quickly. Flattening out her dress, she turned to me, and said business-like, "Give me a moment." Then, almost exactly like Francis, she pulled out her phone and typed speedily, slipping the mobile back into her purse before I'd even started asking who she was texting.

"Now," she grinned, as she rolled her shoulders and clapped her hands together. "Give me detail."

"Well, uh..." I scratched the back of my head, slightly terrified by this whole confrontation that was happening around me. A nod from Francis persuaded me to go on. "Basically, we were talking-"

"What about?" Eliza interrupted.

"Um, well, Lovi was scared that I was ditching him for his brother, and I just promised him that I wouldn't," I summarised, then glanced at Roderich, who was looking very bored. "Are you sure you want to stay?"

Roderich opened his mouth but- "He's staying," Eliza commanded. "Don't get off topic, Toni. So, you promised Lovino that you wouldn't leave him, and...that's when he kissed you?"

"_Sí_," I confirmed. "He was sort of awkward, and was saying about how he really liked me, and I didn't realise that he meant, well, _like me _like me until he...uh, Eliza, what are you doing?"

"Notes," Eliza replied offhandedly, still scribbling in the tiny book she'd just pulled out of her purse. "Please, carry on. What did you do?"

"Well, I just stood there."

Eliza froze, mid-scribble. Her head slowly lifted to look me in the eye. "You mean," she asked quietly. "You didn't kiss him back?"

By now I was sweating slightly, scared to reply in case it was wrong. But, I decided I couldn't sit there forever, so said it anyway, albeit shakily. "Um...no?"

"_Hülye_!" Eliza practically shrieked, and jumped up from the bed, pointing a frying pan at my throat. I gulped, and struggled to look for something to say. Hang on...where had that frying pan come from anyway?

"Toni, how could you?" Eliza shouted, clenching her fist and pushing the frying pan against my chin. "Lovino _kissed_ you, he actually showed affection to _another human being_, which is something you _know _he doesn't do very often, and you cruelly rejected him like that? You cast him aside and trampled all over his feelings! I'm guessing that's when he ran out of the room and TRIPPED DOWN THE STAIRS?!"

"Yes," I squeaked, wriggling sideways, backwards, anywhere that would get me away from that terrifying pan. "Eliza, I'm sorry, I just didn't know-"

"Toni, I am ashamed of you," Francis interjected, shaking his head sadly at me. "I expected better."

"Yeah, I know I'm not exactly great advice material, but you don't just _not kiss back _someone like Lovino," Roderich added, pursing his lips stiffly at me. I noticed he was not making any attempt whatsoever to pull the fire-breathing Eliza away from me.

I twisted my head as much as I could, which wasn't very much considering how close the frying pan was, to look at Gil. "I suppose you're going to get annoyed at me too?" I asked miserably.

Gil held up his hands in surrender. "Toni, I'm just glad that pan isn't pointed at me."

Bad move. The pan suddenly switched targets. "Don't test me," Eliza warned, advancing on Gil, who gulped.

"Elizaveta, leave him alone," another new voice drawled lazily, and I turned to see Nataylia walking through the door, Katyusha falling over the threshold to stand beside her. Nat moved over to her friend, gently pulling away the frying pan and pushing Eliza back towards her seat on the bed. Kat sat next to me, smiling weakly. Her fingers were fumbling at her shirt, where I saw one of her buttons had popped off and she was expertedly stitching it back on.

"We ran here," the Ukrainian explained when she caught me staring at her chest.

I nodded and looked back up to see Nat apologising to Gil, who just winked at her and said, "No problem, _prächtig_." I didn't understand German, but whatever he'd said made Roderich snigger and Nat raise an eyebrow then turn away from him coldly.

"So, catch me up," the Belorussian commanded, sitting on the windowsill, which was between the two beds.

"Well, Antonio here," Eliza said my name icily, and I had a feeling she was going to doing that a bit more often from now on, "_finally_ gotkissed by Lovino. Except, he didn't kiss him back. Which was why Lovino's accident happened."

Nat's eyes widened and I heard Kat suck in breath next to me. "Nice going," Nat rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. "So, tell me, Toni, why didn't you kiss him back?"

"That's a good question. Toni, why didn't you kiss him back?" Eliza shot at me. Between the two of them, I felt like I was a traitor of war or something.

"Well, I just...I didn't know if I wanted to," I replied, my fingers fidgeting as I resisted the urge to run out of there as fast as I could.

Francis leaned forward, looking angrily puzzled. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"Well, I've been friends with Lovi for such a long time, and I've never really thought about him like that before. I mean, I really really like him, but I don't know how much," I explained patiently, pleased I'd managed to phrase my thoughts so well.

"And the kiss didn't even give you some sort of hint?" Eliza tried, leaning forward hopefully.

"It happened too fast," I said thoughtfully. "It was barely crossing my mind that I should kiss him back when he pulled away, and then when I was about to say something to him, he ran out."

Eliza and Nat shared a look. "This is going to be harder than I thought," Nat sighed.

"You mean you were thinking it too, _mes fleurs_?" Francis asked, leaning over.

"I'm pretty sure I definitely was thinking along the same lines," Gil commented, shifting so he was somehow closer to Nat.

The four nodded to each other, then turned back to me.

"You're very lucky you have us to assist, Toni," Eliza smiled knowingly.

"Trust me, they're what you need right now," Kat followed on.

Nat rolled back her shoulders and pulled her mobile out, her fingers flying over the keyboard.

"What...what are you doing?" I questioned nervously, deciding she was the safest bet with all the looks I was getting from Francis.

Nat grinned. "Calling in the reinforcements."

* * *

**AN: GURL, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST FINISH WITH. I give virtual muffins to anyone who got offended by the crapness of that ending. To make up for it, I will return tomorrow with more Ganging Up on Spain, and this time the chapter will be *gasp* FROM ANOTHER CHARACTER'S POINT OF VIEW FOR THE ENTIRE CHAPTER. Don't faint, please. Oi, I just said, don't faint! That's right, you, I saw you. Yes, you. Blonde hair, hoodie, chipped nails. Following simple instructions isn't that hard, is it? Honestly. That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Dios: ****_Spanish _****God  
Mon cher: ****_French _****my dear  
Ja: ****_German _****Yes  
Monsieur Beilschmidt: ****_French _****Sir Beilschmidt  
Por favor: ****_Spanish _****Please  
Traurig: ****_German _****Sorry  
Gracias: ****_Spanish _****Thank you  
Mis tomates preciosos: ****_Spanish _****my precious tomatoes  
Plutôt: ****_French _****Instead  
Lo siento: ****_Spanish _****Sorry  
Eres un idiota: ****_Spanish _****You are an idiot  
Salope: ****_French _****Slut  
Cerdo: ****_Spanish _****Pig  
Putain: ****_French _****Whore  
Cobista: ****_Spanish _****Creep  
Sí: ****_Spanish/Italian_**** Yes  
Hülye: ****_Hungarian _****Idiot  
Prächtig: ****_German _****Gorgeous  
Mes fleurs: ****_French _****my flowers**


	13. Spanish Business is Everyone's Business

**AN: So, I may have not pointed this out before, but when I promise to update at a certain time, the chances of me actually updating at that time are about seventy billion to one. Sorry. I promise not to make anymore prom- Damn. Anyway, like I said, this chapter is from totally another character's point of view, and that character is... LIECHTENSTEIN! Yeah, I've always adored her and I felt like she wasn't getting enough love in this story, so here we are. Even though there are other characters I've mentioned even less - cough*China*cough - what-the-fuck-ever, Liechtenstein happened so deal with. Hopefully I haven't OOC her too much, in my head she's quite shy but also very impulsive and slightly scared of everyone, but then again, I've OOC'd practically everyone in this so yeah. Yet again, there is no Romano in this (swear to God he'll be back next chapter), so it's rated T for Belarus kicking ass. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

I almost fell out of my seat when my phone buzzed loudly on the desk next to me. Tentatively, I reached forward to see what it wanted now. I still wasn't used to having a mobile phone – big brother had only finally let me have one a few weeks ago, which I was really happy about, but the strange small black thing still kind of freaked me out.

It turned out I had a text message, from Nataylia. She told me to drop everything I was doing and come to Francis' room immediately, and when Nat gives you orders like that you have to react quickly. I sighed and put away my book, before standing up and pushing my chair in. It wasn't that I didn't want to go, but...

"Where are you going?" a voice immediately called from behind me, and I turned to see my adoptive brother Basch sitting on his bed, one hand drumming against his knee while the other was absentmindedly playing with his holster, where he kept his gun.

"I just...wanted to go see Nataylia," I said as calmly as I could, twisting a strand of my short blond hair through my fingers.

Basch's frown deepened. "Why? Can't you stay here?"

"She wanted to talk to me, big brother," I said hopefully. "I think it's important."

Basch sighed and stood up. "Fine. But I'll walk you."

"You don't have to," I smiled as I pushed the door open and stepped into the hall. "It's only a few doors down, big brother."

"I know, but I want to keep an eye on you," he replied gruffly. I giggled. "Lili, this is serious!"

"I know, but I'm happy that you're coming." I took his hand and walked a little further down the hall, dragging him a bit behind.

"I won't stay, okay?" Basch pointed out and we neared Francis' room. "There are things I need to do. I just want to make sure you'll be safe."

I nodded, still smiling, and pushed the door open. I moved forward into the room, and a lot of heads suddenly swung upwards to look at me. I shifted uncomfortably, not liking all the attention, and shuffled a little closer to my big brother. He placed a hand on my shoulder protectively, and I glowed inside.

"Uh, _hallo_," I said nervously, and scanned the room to see who was there. I sighed in relief; Nataylia, Katyusha and Elizaveta were there, sitting opposite from Antonio and Gilbert, who I thought were nice, and also Francis, who I thought was maybe a little bit _too_ nice. Also there was Feliciano and Alfred, sitting on the windowsill, and Ivan, leaning against the desk. Standing closest to me was Yao, who smiled at me, and Roderich who was glaring over my shoulder. I felt big brother stiffen behind me, and sighed.

"Lili, you're here," Nataylia nodded in my direction, and summoned me over to sit with the other girls. I frowned for a second, wondering where Bella was, then shrugged and started to walk over. However, big brother put his hands on both my shoulders and turned me round to face him.

"I'm going to leave now, Lili, okay?" he asked, and I smiled at him and nodded.

"Are you sure you want to go?" I replied.

"I'm sure Basch would be happier outside of this room, don't you think, Basch?" Roderich commented smugly from behind, and big brother straightened up and tightened his hand around his holster.

"It's none of your business, Roderich, and anyway, I just wanted to make sure my little sister was safe," Basch spat, before sparing me a glance then turning on his heel and leaving.

"Sorry about him," I said apologetically to Roderich, who just smiled and tipped his head slightly as forgiveness. I continued on my walk over to the bed and gently perched on the end next to Katyusha, who smiled at me.

Before I could ask about what was going on, Alfred got there first. "Nataylia, what's the deal with calling me over here to talk about something totally important? I was fighting this really hard boss on my DS and I'd nearly beat-"

"You've all been called here today to discuss the subject of Antonio and Lovino's relationship," Elizaveta interrupted, flicking her hair behind her shoulder and looking at each of us in turn.

"Eliza, do we really have to do this?" Antonio whined from the opposite bed, and glanced around at all of us. "Why have you called all these people here just to talk about me and Lovi?"

"Because it's not just your business who you date, _mon cher_, everyone in the class has a say in it too," Francis sighed.

"We have said this before, Toni," Gilbert pointed out.

"I don't really think it is your business," Antonio huffed and I suppressed a giggle at his expression. "Anyway, not everyone in the class is here."

"Oh, I had to ask Kiku to look after _fratello_ for me while I came here," Feliciano piped up, grinning at us. "I just didn't want to leave him alone, and I knew Kiku wouldn't really want to come to this anyway."

"But Kiku doesn't even like your brother," Yao frowned, waving a sleeve in confusion.

"Doesn't he?" Feliciano blinked, and then smiled again almost instantaneously. Hehe, I liked Feliciano. "But Kiku's nice, I'm sure he wouldn't mind doing it for a half hour or so."

"Yeah, Arthur didn't want to come either," Alfred commented, before Yao could argue back. "At least, I think he didn't want to come. Well, he was taking a shower so it wasn't like he could. I did try to ask him but he shouted at me when I tried to go into the bathroom. Which is stupid really, I mean why can't I just-"

"Alfred, I think you're going a bit off-topic," a small voice put in, and I turned to see a blond boy peeking out from behind Ivan. I blinked – when did Matthew get here? Alfred didn't even notice his brother talking, instead he just carried on. I felt bad for him, so tentatively spoke.

"Alfred, Matthew just made a good point," my high voice interrupted Alfred's rant, and he looked at me.

"Huh? Whatcha say, Lili?"

"She said that Matvey made a good point that you are rambling, American," Ivan said calmly, and I flinched. Ivan scared me, being so tall and threatening. I don't know if he meant to be so scary, but just in case, I'd never really spoken to him.

Matthew smiled up at Ivan in thanks, and Alfred blinked at them both. "Huh? Sorry bro, totally didn't hear you talking there. Didn't really see you either, but maybe that's cause there's a communist in the way."

Ivan bristled and opened his mouth, but a loud whistle pierced the room and I instinctively pressed my hands against my ears. Next to me, Katyusha sighed and muttered something inaudible.

The whistling stopped and I turned to see Gilbert standing, looking round at us all. "Guys, seriously, arguing between ourselves is not awesome! There's so much tension in here already and we haven't even started talking about the important stuff yet. Can't you just hold off all this un-awesome fighting until we've finished?"

"Finished what?" Yao asked in a bored tone. "Nobody's properly explained what's going on yet and I really want to get out."

"Fair enough, stop talking for a second and let us explain," Gilbert shot back, then turned to Nataylia and gestured. "The floor is yours, _prächtig_."

Nataylia wrinkled her nose and stood up, nudging Gilbert out of the way swiftly. "Thanks, but please stop calling me that, whatever it means." Gilbert raised an eyebrow but winked, before sitting again. "So, to start, I'd just like to confirm that Antonio and Lovino aren't dating."

The news came unexpected, and I immediately straightened up, frowning. Really? But Antonio and Lovino had always been so close, and the way I'd seen Lovino looking at Antonio sometimes... Elizaveta, Nataylia and Bella had always talked about the two of them together, which had just confirmed to me that they were going out. If there weren't, what was going on?

Evidently, everyone else was as surprised as me, as a few confused noises were heard and muttering started. "Toni, is she for real?" Alfred asked.

"Yes, Alfred, I am 'for real'," Nataylia sighed, then cast a cold look around to quieten everyone down quickly. "It's not really that big, we all just assumed they were going out because they always acted like it."

"However, this new information had brought to light a sad fact, _mon amis_," Francis continued, ignoring Nataylia's cold look. "That being, it is painfully obvious little Lovino has a crush on Toni here."

"We don't _know _that-" Antonio started, but Elizaveta didn't let him finish.

"He _kissed _you, Toni, I'm pretty sure that counts as evidence," Elizaveta scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Elizaveta's coldish statement both confused me and filled me with joy. "Lovino kissed Antonio?" I squealed, pressed my hands against together in happiness. "Awwww, that's so cute!"

"I know!" Elizaveta smiled at me, nodding enthusiastically. "Lili, thank God you agree with me!"

"Hey, I agree too!" Nataylia said hotly, but I saw her mouth twitch into a smile at us.

"I think it's so adorable how _fratello_ kissed Toni," Feliciano added, grinning. "_Sai ché_, Lovino told me that he likes Toni!"

"Really?" Alfred's face split into a huge smile next to him. "Okay, Lovino admitting something like that is quite a step."

"Yeah, we do all know how bitchy he can be," Yao smiled, and I knew he thought it was cute as well. He'd always had a soft spot for that sort of thing.

"My Lovi is not bitchy!" Antonio rounded on Yao, looking hurt.

"Toni, how can you say things like that and still expect nobody to believe that you and Lovino aren't going out?" I heard Matthew say from the corner of the room, and for once everyone actually heard him and laughed. Matthew seemed surprised at the sudden attention but gratefully accepted the '_bonne point, Matthieu_' from Francis and the thumbs up Alfred gave him.

"And that nicely brings up to the focal topic of this meeting: Antonio, what are your feelings for Lovino?" Elizaveta said calmly, and I immediately stopped giggling along with everyone else. I leaned forward slightly to hear the answer, nearly toppling over on Katyusha, who luckily raised a hand to stop me.

Antonio glanced around and saw how everyone was waiting, then shifted nervously in his seat. "I...I don't know," he murmured.

There was a small, incredulous silence, eventually broken by Alfred. "You don't know? Dude, what sort of answer is that?"

"I don't know how I feel about Lovi," Antonio repeated, not looking at anybody.

Feliciano was shaking his head slowly. "_No_. No, Toni, how can you say that?"

"Antonio, that is cruel," Ivan commented from the corner of the room, his usually sweet expression turning stony. "If you say you don't like him, that okay, but to say you don't know? _Net_, Toni."

I shivered, not liking the cold aura coming off of him. However, I couldn't help but agree. How could Antonio not know his feelings for Lovino? It seemed unfair on Lovino, who as far as I knew had barely any other friends apart from Antonio and Feliciano. I mean, I liked him but he still scared me.

"Ivan's right," I found myself saying without realising, and suddenly all eyes were on me. "If Antonio didn't like him, then it would be fair enough. But Lovino wouldn't accept maybe for an answer."

"That's a good point, Lili," Gilbert nodded at me, and jumped at his sentence. He'd barely said three words to me before and all I could do now was quickly stutter; "_Danke._" Gilbert however, stayed cool and replied; "_Bitte_." before turning to look at Antonio.

"Lovino has already refused to see you, Toni. But you're going to have to talk to him at some point, and when you do, you can't just say you don't know how you feel. It'll just make him feel even more unawesome about himself, and he won't want to hang around with you anymore either."

"But I can't just decide how I feel right now!" Antonio protested. "It takes time to realise how you feel about someone, I can't-"

"You know, Toni, it doesn't matter what choice you make, you'll still end up losing him as a friend," Alfred said seriously. I frowned at his sentence and turned to stare at him, as did everyone else. "What? I'm speaking the truth," Alfred raised his hands in defence. "If he does like Lovino, they'll get together, right? As a couple, I mean. And if he doesn't, then Lovino will do a runner. Even if he says he doesn't know, Lovino will still take it negatively and stay away from him."

"Do you really want to lose him?" Francis challenged, but not in a harsh way.

"Of course I don't! I just can't decide my feelings right now!" Antonio moaned, clenching his fists. "Can't I see him then make my mind up?"

"Of course you can!" Elizaveta replied brightly, sounding a little _too _optimistic. "In fact, that's actually a good idea. You should go see him right now!"

"But Feliciano said that Lovino didn't want to see Antonio," Yao pointed out.

"So?" Elizaveta rolled her eyes. "Personally, I think if Antonio insists on going in there anyway then it'll be so much better!"

"Yeah, like he's breaking down all barriers just to reach his love," I said accidentally, but I was smiling at Elizaveta and barely noticed all the looks we were getting. "He doesn't care if Lovino doesn't want him-"

"-all he wants is Lovino's happiness," Nataylia carried on, getting caught up with us. "So he'll burst valiantly into Lovino's room-"

"-and worry over Lovino until he can't help but love him even more!" Katyusha interjected, clasping her hands together.

"Antonio will apologise for the accident, and Lovino will blow him off-"

"-and be all awkward, refusing to talk about the kiss-"

"-but Antonio will pester him about it, saying that he was confused-"

"-and Lovino will burst out that he likes him, and there'll be a short silence-"

"-then Antonio will realise his love for his little Italian, so caught up in the moment-"

"-gazing in Lovino's liquid amber eyes, he'll declare-"

"-'Lovi, _te amo_!'" we chorused as one, and I fluttered a hand near my eyes, trying not to cry. It would be so adorable, them getting together like that! Oh, I could imagine it so vividly!

I gently blinked the wetness out of my eyes and looked around to notice that the boys around us had somehow moved themselves further away from us, their jaws open at our little display of emotion. I blushed hard, moving myself closer to the other three and Feliciano, Alfred, Francis, Antonio, Gilbert, Ivan, Matthew and Yao stared at us. Only Roderich was inspecting his coat in a bored fashion, but then he was Elizaveta's boyfriend so he was used to that sort of behaviour.

There was small cough. "So, who else totally didn't see that one coming?" Alfred said slowly.

"I worry about what you do in your spare time," Gilbert said to us.

"Did you come up with that just now?" Antonio blinked.

"Nataylia, _sestra_, you have got to stop doing that," Ivan said, looking at Nataylia worriedly.

"That was so _carino_!" Feliciano squeaked. Everyone looked at him. "Well, it was!" he said defensively.

"Thank you, Feliciano," Elizaveta smiled at him, then looked at the others proudly. "You obviously don't appreciate good BoyxBoy fanfiction when you hear it. _Amatőrök_."

There was another short silence, then Roderich coughed loudly, drawing attention to himself. "On that note, shall we take Toni to go see Lovino?"

"Of course!" Nataylia nodded enthusiastically, and lead the way out of the room. We all followed her, and I ended up near the back next to Matthew and Ivan. I heard Antonio whisper to Francis; "I'm not sure I want to go see him anymore," and Francis hiss back; "Oh, _grandir_!" I didn't understand what he said, but Matthew next to me laughed and I looked at him.

"Francis just told Toni to grow up," he explained.

"Oh!" I realised, and giggled. "I didn't know you understood French."

"I'm Canadian, we all speak French," Matthew informed me, sighing.

I nodded, not quite sure why he sounded so sad, and was about to ask why when I walked into Francis in front of me. I tried to peek over his shoulder to see why he'd stopped but I was too short, so I side-stepped out of the huddle instead.

Herr B was standing in the corridor in front of Lovino's room, writing something on a clipboard. I saw Elizaveta walk up to him and ask to be let in.

"Sorry, Elizaveta, but Lovino's sleeping," Herr B replied, then looked up and widened his eyes when he saw all of us standing there. "What are you all doing?"

"Oh, we've just been having a meeting," Elizaveta waved her purse offhandedly. "Herr B, please can we visit?"

"No, like I said, Lovino is sleeping. You can't all barge in and disturb him," Herr B said sternly.

"Okay!" Elizaveta said brightly. "How about just Antonio visits then?"

Herr B looked around and picked out Antonio, the group having spread out so he was more visible. "I'm afraid you can't," he spoke to him directly.

Antonio nodded and seemed about to turn and walk away, but Gilbert immediately moved in, blocking all escape routes. Antonio gave him a pleading look, but Gilbert remained impassive, so Antonio sighed and turned back to Herr B. He opened his mouth to start arguing, but Herr B just raised a hand.

"I don't want to hear it, okay, Antonio? This afternoon has already stressed me out enough as it is. I promise you, Lovino really is sleeping, and I would just appreciate it if you left him alone. I've even sent Kiku away, so you're not just a special case. _Mein Gott_, I'm thinking of abandoning the trip to the Christmas markets as well, just to make things easier."

Everyone began visibly deflating the more Herr B spoke, and Elizaveta looked like someone had just drowned a puppy in front of her, but as Herr B mentioned the Christmas markets, Nataylia and Alfred both suddenly straightened up.

"Herr B, dude, you can't cancel it!" Alfred whined.

"_Dy_, Herr B, we have to go to the markets now!" Nataylia added.

Herr B blinked. "Now? Nataylia, Alfred, don't you think it would be better for everyone if we just had a more calm evening?"

"No, it wouldn't!" Nataylia snapped, and stepped up to Herr B. Even though she was only a little taller than I was, her sudden anger made her seem a lot bigger. "Herr B, you don't understand. It is essential we go to these markets!"

"May I ask why, exactly?" Herr B raised an eyebrow.

Nataylia seemed at a loss for words, so I took a breath and dived in to help her. Even though I had no idea what she was doing, it seemed important, so I was prepared to go along with it. "I need to stock up on Christmas presents," I volunteered bravely.

Nataylia frowned at me, but not disapprovingly. Following my lead, Feliciano inputted, "I haven't ever been to a Christmas market in _la Germania _before!"

"I'm running low on sweets!" Yao commented.

"I need to practise my German!" Gilbert added. Everyone looked at him.

"Um, Gil, you are German," Alfred whispered.

"Look, Yank, do you want my awesome help or not?"

"Okay, fine, _Bruder_, calm down," Herr B interrupted. "We'll go to the markets. But I think Lovino should stay here."

"_Non_! He must come too!" Francis put a hand on his hip. "Face it, _monsieur_, he'd just be angry if he knew we went without him. Just give him another half hour and then we'll wake him and take him as well, _oui_?"

Herr B opened his mouth, then looked at all our determined faces and slumped slightly. "_Ja_, okay, he can come as well."

My face split into a grin at our victory, and Herr b walked away, muttering something about "_ungeraden ausländische Kinder_", making Roderich, Gilbert and me laugh. A few high-fives went round, then Alfred turned to Nataylia.

"Okay, you better have a really great plan or all that was totally for nothing."

"Of course I have a plan!" Nataylia rolled her eyes and leaned forward, making us all move closer to hear. "Once I heard that _vyradak_ wasn't letting us in, I had to act fast to think of a way we could get Antonio and Lovino together without Lovino having a say in it. And when he mentioned the Christmas markets...well, it just fell into place."

"Awesome!" Gilbert breathed.

"I know," Nataylia smirked. "So, here's what we're gonna do..."

* * *

**AN: This chapter shipped PruBela so hard. So do I. /therefore I am this chapter/ ^-^ I kinda wish I'd put Poland in this story now, just 'cause he'd have been so great in this scene, yaknow? xD Myabe he'll have a cameo at the markets... Anyhoo, tune in sometime in the near future to find out what happens next! You know the drill, please follow and favourite, and all reviewers gets to dance the Viennese Waltz with Austria! (I've been learning that this week. That shit is hard.) That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Hallo: ****_German _****Hello  
Mon cher: ****_French _****my dear  
Fratello: ****_Italian _****Brother (from here on out, I give up translating this as well)  
Prächtig: ****_German _****Gorgeous  
Mon amis: ****_French _****my friends  
Sai ché: ****_Italian _****Did you know  
Bonne point, Matthieu: ****_French _****good point, Matthew  
No: ****_Italian _****No (I guess that was kinda pointless...)  
Net: ****_Russian _****No  
Danke: ****_German _****Thanks  
Bitte: ****_German _****You're welcome  
Te amo: ****_Spanish _****I love you  
Sestra: ****_Russian _****sister  
Carino: ****_Italian _****cute  
Amatőrök: ****_Hungarian _****Amateurs  
Grandir: ****_French _****grow up  
Mein Gott: ****_German _****My God  
Dy: ****_Belorussian _****Yes  
La Germania: ****_Italian _****Germany  
Bruder: ****_German _****brother  
Non: ****_French _****No  
Monsieur: ****_French _****Mister  
Oui: ****_French _****yes  
Ja: ****_German _****Yes  
Ungeraden ausländische Kinder: ****_German _****odd foreign children  
Vyradak: ****_Belorussian _****Bastard**


	14. Creepers Gonna Creep

**AN: SPONTANEOUS MULTIPLE CHAPTER UPDATE! *fanfare* yeah, so I started writing the new chapter on Tuesday but then I kind of had to go bed just when I'd nearly finished, so I carried on yesterday but got so caught up in the story I had to write the next chapter, then the exact same thing happened with that chapter xD so I'm just gonna post these two chapters quickly and not say much 'cause it's super-crazy-ass late and I'm tired and yeah. Just one thing though, you know when you're writing and you realise you've made huge characters mistakes and you just want to kick yourself? I had two of those this week - first when my girlfriend pointed out that "it's not Nataylia, it's Natalia or Natayla" (for the sake of continuity, it will stay Nataylia for this story then it will never happen again, promise.) and secondly when I sat up the other day and was like, "why did I write Canada as a bad ice skater when Canada is the country of MOTHERFREAKING ICE HOCKEY?!" I despair for myself. Translations at the bottom. Rated T for Romano's language (yep, he's back! ^-^) Enjoy!**

* * *

"And you absolutely promise, you swear on your life, you swear on pasta, that I won't be gang-raped or crazy shit like that when I arrive?" I asked for the tenth time.

Feliciano sighed and stopped walking out of the door. "_Fratello_, I've already said so, okay? No-one will attack you. I promise. Now just start walking otherwise we'll be left behind."

"They wouldn't dare," I muttered, but followed Feli out of the door anyway, shrugging my jacket on as I did so. I really should be in bed right now, probably reading or listening to some really loud music and pointedly ignoring everyone, since I was injured and everything (Ludwig had finally turned up with some fucking painkillers not long after Feli left, thank God). But when Feli had told me they were leaving for the Christmas markets, I HAD to go. I mean, I wasn't about to let them leave me behind. What if I needed something? Anyway, those markets were supposed to pretty or whatever. Maybe they would distract me for a bit.

Not that I needed distracting. Hell, there's nothing I need distracting from. Nothing. There was nothing that I could possibly think about that I shouldn't think about, because nothing had happened that shouldn't have. Nothing. Nada. _Niente_. And what was great was there weren't anymore sarcastic voices in my head countering my thoughts, not that they would anyway 'cause there was nothing to counter with. Stupid voices, I was so glad that I'd hit-

Nothing to be distracted from, Lovino. Nothing at all. Stay calm. Inner peace and that shit. Oooooom.

"Why are you humming, _fratello_?" Feli frowned at me as we left the building and walked towards the truck.

"I'm not humming," I snapped back quickly, deciding that I was just going to not think for the rest of the evening. Simple.

I began fiddling with my cast, a habit I'd already picked up within the last hour of having this thing, and joined the group of people already hanging around the truck, gathered close together and whispering. I frowned and leaned in closer. What were they talking about? I barely caught a few syllables when a hand grabbed my collar and pulled me backwards, and I tripped over my own feet.

"The fuck was that for, Feliciano?" I shrieked. In a manly way. Feliciano just stuttered something and everyone in the group jumped and turned to me, some of them a little red. All at the same time. It was fucking weird.

"Lovino, bro, what's up?!" Alfred shouted almost immediately, slapping me on the back and laughing annoyingly.

I was about to tell him not to call me bro when Francis jumped in. "Lovino, _mon cher_, we did not see you there! How are you?"

I was about to reply to _him_ when everybody started talking as well. "You're looking good, Lovino-san. Are you in much pain?"

"Lovino, _Liebling_, we were so worried about you!"

"Kolkolkolkol, Lovino, it make me laugh to see you distressed. How is your arm?"

"Feliciano told us about your accident and we're so sorry!"

I latched onto this last one and turned to Feli, who stood there sheepishly. "You told them about my accident? _Dio_, first _Nonno_, now these guys, who are you gonna fucking tell next, Johnny Depp?"

Feli suddenly brightened when I mentioned telling Johnny Depp but before he could speak, someone rested a hand on my arm and I looked round to see Elizaveta smiling at me, with this weird glint in her eyes.

"He didn't exactly tell us, Lovino. We were there, remember? He just filled in the ones who weren't on what had happened."

"Like me," Arthur interjected, his expression amused. "I was taking a shower. Well done on falling down some stairs, Lovino. Did they offend your mother, like that wall you 'punched'" he inserted air quotations around the word; "last year?"

"Yes, they did," I replied sarcastically, and glanced around at the others, who was just standing there. "What? What are waiting for?"

There was an awkward pause, then a few people coughed, somebody started tapping their foot and finally every turned away and started having a conversation with whoever was next to them. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my arms around my chest, being careful of my left. "It's freezing out here."

"Don't worry; we'll get into the van soon, _sí_?" Feli promised next to me, and I nodded before scanning the group around us to see if everyone was here, just so we could get going soon. I saw Roderich, Lili, Matthew, Yao, Katyusha...everyone, it seemed, was here.

Wait. Not everyone.

"Where's Antonio?" I murmured.

"What?" Feli leaned forward to hear me. "_Fratello_?"

"_Ho ditto_," I repeated, a little louder, "where's Antonio?"

Feli gasped and started to reply quickly, then paused and furrowed his eyebrows, his mouth hanging open like a goldfish. "He...Antonio went...hang on, what was...Toni's..."

"Feliciano, can you just answer the goddamned question?" I interrupted.

"Toni is staying behind," a voice said to me, and I looked up to see Gil and Luddy standing behind me, the albino freak being the one who answered. I frowned at his reply.

"Why?"

"_Ja_, Gil, why is Antonio staying behind? You didn't tell me this," Luddy gave his brother a Look, and I blinked. Wouldn't Luddy know if Antonio was staying?

"He's not feeling very well," Gil explained calmly, but his eyes kept flicking over my shoulder to the guys behind me. Hmmm. "West, I swear I already told you."

"Well, I don't remember." Luddy was still frowning. Their eyes locked for a second and something passed between them, then Gil laughed and jangled the truck keys in his hands.

"Kesesese~ C'mon everybody, it's time to get our asses moving! The awesome markets await!"

Gil walked over to open the truck doors and I stared at Luddy for a few seconds more, but he stayed totally chill and unresponsive, so I gave up and began moving towards the truck with Feli. However, my mind was still pondering over the odd behaviour of first my class in general, then Feli, and now Gil. Maybe I was being paranoid (...okay, so scratch that 'maybe'), but it felt like everyone knew something I didn't, and they weren't planning on telling me either.

Still, at least Antonio wasn't going to be there tonight. Not that that made me happy. Or sad. Or anything. I mean, why would it? Nothing had happened between us to produce emotion like that. Nothing at all. Hehe, I don't even know who I'm talking about anymore. Calm, Lovino. Oooooom.

"_Fratello_, you're doing that weird humming thing again!"

"Shut up!"

* * *

The markets were loud. And bright. And Christmassy. And annoyingly German. But especially loud.

"Now, _Klasse_, I want us all to stay together-" Luddy was shouting to us over the music playing from somewhere around, but I could barely hear him, and it's not like he finished anyway.

"Oh, West, stop being so unawesomely boring and lighten up! They're old enough to take care of themselves!" Gil grabbed Luddy's arm and began dragging him away, protesting. "It's been aaaaaaages since we were at a _Weihnachtsmarkt _together, let's go find some-" I lost the rest of the sentence.

I rolled my eyes as the German brothers left and turned around, only to see the rest of my class suddenly and swiftly dispersing into the crowds. Within ten seconds, the only people left were Feliciano, Matthew, Kiku and me.

"How about we stay together, guys? It'll be fun!" Feli clapped his hands together and grinned, before grabbing my arm just like Gil had to Luddy and nodding to Matthew and Kiku. They both smiled back and agreed. Great, now I'm stuck with my _fratellino_, the maple syrup bastard and the nerd.

Barely five minutes later and I felt like we'd just done a whirlwind tour of Cologne's inner city, with Feli and Matthew rushing from one stall to the next, Kiku following calmly but somehow keeping up, all of them ooo'ing and ahhh'ing at pretty much everything. I had to push and shove my way through groups of people, who shouted after me, just to join up with them again. I was already breathless and my arm hurt even more from bashing so many people's backs.

"Fuckers, slow the hell down!" I snapped when I finally found them, admiring cute little wooden decorations. "I want to have a look at this shit too, but you're moving so fast I don't have any time!"

"Oh, sorry, _fratello_, we're just enjoying ourselves!" Feli gushed apologetically, and held up a tiny ballerina decoration to Kiku. "Isn't this just so cute?"

"It is very small, Feli-kun, but I agree, it is quite adorable," Kiku nodded. "Am I correct that you would hang this on a tree?"

"Yes, that's right! It makes it look so pretty!" Feli replied happily. I rolled my eyes and ran my fingers through the decorations, barely listening to Feli and Kiku discuss the technicalities of a Christmas tree, just grateful to actually get a breather. I turned to adjust my messenger bag again and noticed Matthew standing a little further away from us, nearly being obscured by some blonde bitch and her crying daughter. He had his phone pressed against his hear and was speaking rapidly into it, but I had no idea what he was saying. His voice was just too damn quiet. He finished the call strangely quickly and moved back to us, joining in with the conversation like he'd never been gone.

I frowned and was about to ask Matthew what he'd been doing when the whingeing girl next to me grabbed my jeans and started shaking them, shrieking things in some weird language. I immediately backed away, slapping her wrists pathetically in an effort to get her off.

"Ohmygoodness, Karolina, get away! I am like, totally sorry!" the girl's mum said, flustered, and pulled Karolina away from me quickly. I blinked and looked at her, wondering why her voice was so sharp and low, then gasped in surprise. It was a _man. _A full on guy with shoulder-length blonde hair, wearing a pink duffel coat and studded ankle boots and carrying a Gucci handbag, offering his little girl some weird red sweets to calm her down. The fuck?

"Uh, it's fine," I replied to his statement, still shaking my head in disbelief. "I was jus-"

"Oh no, it was totes my fault! I just like, looking at all this cute Christmassy stuff and I wasn't concentrating on my daughter and I don't know, I'm real sorry, _dobrze_?" the guy apologised as he hugged Karolina closer. Even though he wasn't freaking out anymore, his speech still didn't slow down, and his weird accent meant I could barely understand him. It wasn't German, but something close...Polish?

"Don't worry," I assured him, and paused for a second, not sure what to say. "Um...is she really your daughter?" Oh, great one, Lovino.

"Hm? Oh yeah, isn't she just totally the cutest?" the guy squealed and pinched Karolina's cheek, who smiled angelically and carried on eating. This was the same kid who'd been crying a minute ago? "I know she doesn't look like me, they used my husband's genes when we did the whole surrogate-mother thing, but I still like, love her to pieces! I'm Feliks, by the way," Feliks added abruptly. I nodded, still processing his sentences.

"I'm Lovino. Sorry, you have a husband?" Lovino, seriously, why are you still talking?

"_Tak_, of course I've got a husband, he's just..." Feliks trailed off as he turned to see nobody standing near him. I could understand why. "Oh no, Karolina, we lost Toris! Sorry, Lovino, I've like, gotta go! See ya!"

I stood there, confused, as Feliks and Karolina disappeared. What had just happened? I decided to not think about it, for the sake of my own sanity, and turned to rejoin Feli, Matthew and Kiku. They were gone.

Well, _schifo_.

Angrily, I pulled out my phone, muttering under my breath about the completely thick bastard I have for a brother, and began swearing even more strongly when my phone informed me it was out of battery. Stupid thing, emergencies like this was the reason I had a phone!

I made up my mind to do the logical thing and head back to the truck. Then at least I'd be somewhere familiar where people could find me, not stuck in crowd of foreign freaks like Feliks. But as I started walking forward into the masses, I realised I had not one fucking clue in which direction the truck was. All the running about and escaping from angry shoppers that Feli and Matthew had made me do had completely flipped my internal compass on its head, and now I was absolutely lost.

I clutched my injured hand closer to my chest and tried not to hyperventilate. Someone would find me, right? I mean, my class was spread out all over, they were bound to come along at some point. I kept telling myself that, but I knew the chances were slim, that I was never going to be found, I was doomed to be abandoned in this fucking city fore-

"LOVINO, _CHÉRI_, THERE YOU ARE!"

Or maybe not.

I looked up to see Francis and Elizaveta, of all people, rushing towards me joyfully, grabbing my arms and hauling me forward into the crowd. They didn't stop walking either, just carried on speedwalking down the path, with me clamped in between them.

"Oh, Lovino, we'd thought we'd lost you!" Elizaveta sighed happily, flattening out her hair as we moved through the crowd like it wasn't even there.

"_Perché_? I wasn't even...with you guys..." I panted, trying to match their pace without tripping.

"Oh, Feliciano said he'd lost you so we immediately volunteered to find you...we just didn't think it'd be so easy, ohonhonhonhon~" Francis laughed.

"Great...er, where the fuck are we going?" I asked, suddenly worried that my _fratello _had been lying when he'd promised nobody would gang-rape me while I was out here.

"Nowhere in particular, just exploring the markets!" Elizaveta said flippantly, but I could see in the way that her eyes darted about that she wasn't telling the truth. That and the way they were both carefully steering my round corners and down paths told me they were taking me somewhere.

"No seriously, bastards, where are you taking me?" I questioned, my voice just a little bit higher than usual. I tried to subtly struggle out of their grasp, but they were holding my tighter than a fucking wrestler could have done.

"Anywhere. _Alors_, Lovino, please stop struggling or I may be forced to punish you for it," Francis smiled sweetly, but that dirty look he always had in his eye had suddenly intensified and I found myself giving up all resistance immediately. Not because I was scared, damn you, I just wasn't exactly in the mood to be felt up by a pervert like him.

Once I'd stopped trying to get away from them, Elizaveta and Francis stopped making me majorly claustrophobic by their closeness and instead just dragged me forward, relaxing their shoulders as they did so. Elizaveta pulled out her phone and hit a few keys before holding it up to her ear and talking quickly into it, with Francis and me watching her carefully. I caught a few words like "escaped" and "back-up" – cue paranoia return with sickening force.

Their guard was down, so I took the chance and suddenly pulled my arms away; succeeding in getting them free because I'd took them by surprise. Without wasting anytime, I was off and running, determined to get all the distance I could between me and the Creepy Twins back there. I heard Elizaveta shouting something inaudible at me, probably Hungarian swearing, but I didn't stick around to find out what it was. I just ran, right through several groups of shoppers and onwards. I was barely concentrating on where I was running though, so it came as no surprise when I crashed straight into someone and nearly fell on my butt. However, what was surprising was I actually knew this person.

"Lovino, what are you doing round here?" Lili whimpered, rubbing her arm where I must have hit her with my messenger bag. "You're supposed to be..." she trailed off and stared me, ignoring the tears that had started down her cheeks in reaction to the collision. I ignored her weird comments and focused on something a bit more physical.

"Lili, _scusami_, I didn't see you there," I apologised quickly, reaching out to console her. "Did I hurt you or anything?"

"_Nein_," she replied, then blinked and shook her head. "I mean, yes! I think you hurt my shoulder, it's aching!" she nearly sobbed, and suddenly she burst into noisy, messy tears. I just stood there, unsure what to do due to the sudden emotional change.

I didn't have to time to decide, however, because out of fucking nowhere, Alfred and Nataylia popped up.

"Lovino, dude, what the hell have you done to Lili?"Alfred sighed, pulling the tiny Liechtensteinian girl closer to him and wiping her tears away dramatically. "Look at her, you've probably scarred her for life!"

"Uh, I don't think me walking into her would-" I began, but Nataylia stopped me.

"You're right, Lovino, a simple crash wouldn't scar her. However, it might scar you," she said dangerously, and before I could even ask her what she was saying, she turned her head slightly and shouted, "Basch!"

My eyes widened as I realised what the gun freak was going to do to me when he saw what I'd done to his sister. "Nataylia, what the fuck? Why are you calling him?!"

"I think he'd be very interested in this situation, don't you?" Nataylia giggled, and for a second I decided she was most definitely totally psycho. Then Basch Zwingli appeared, looking like Lovino Vargas' Personal Antichrist, and Nataylia suddenly seemed practically normal compared to him.

Basch saw Lili, still cradled in Alfred's arms and crying, and me, still breathing fast from my run, immediately assessed the situation and responded in the only way he knew how; violence.

So now I was running away again, except this time someone was chasing me, and not just someone, but a Swiss freak, and not just chasing, but brandishing a fucking _gun _at me and screaming insults and death threats in a mix of German, French and Italian. Which by the way, is not a nice combination. What the fuck had my evening turned into?

I dived between yet another couple and behind yet another stall, pausing for a second to catch my breath. As I stood there, panting, I listened out for sounds of gunshots and screaming and I don't know, my own impending death, but instead all I could hear was the noisy coarse German chatter and the horribly cheesy Christmas music playing in the background. Seems like I lost him then.

I turned to the alley I'd thrown myself into, surprised to see it was totally empty, a pocket of air in the middle of this claustrophobic hell. It wasn't very long either, just a gap between two buildings from one street to another, and I could see lights and hear voices from the other end. Deciding it was my best shot right now, I started forward and into the darkness.

I was nearly at the end and was about to burst out and back into the real world when an easily recognisable voice drifted out of the crowd and towards me, and I stopped.

"Gil, you're totally sure you haven't seen my _fratello_ then? We lost him more than ten minutes ago now..."

Gil, Feli and Matthew were walking towards the opening of the gap, and I panicked for a second, thinking they'd seen me. However, they stopped just before the alley and sat on a bench, which I only just noticed. I looked around for some means of escape without them noticing, but there was none unless I vaulted over a stall (and trust me, I'm not that flexible.) I was about to duck back into the alley when I heard my name being spoken, and I flicked my head back round to the three sitting on the bench. Why were they talking about me?

Crouching down and shuffling forward until I was at the edge of the alley, I cocked my head to listen.

* * *

**AN: So I stuck to my word and we have a Poland cameo, ladies and gentlmen! (: I also gave him and Lithuania a little OC daughter 'cause she's cute and yes, her name is Polish. . Ugh, sometimes I think I put too many other language phrases in these "-.- Follow and Favourite, please! And reviewers get to drink tea with Liechtenstein :3 It's not all for now, 'cause I'm double-updating, so I'll do my little tagline next chapter xD  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Niente: ****_Italian _****Nothing  
Mon cher: ****_French _****my dear  
Liebling: ****_German _****darling  
Dio: ****_Italian _****God  
Nonno: ****_Italian _****Grandpa  
Sí: ****_Italian _****Yes  
Ho ditto: ****_Italian _****I said  
Klasse: ****_German _****Class  
Weihnachtsmarkt: ****_German _****Christmas market  
Dobrze: ****_Polish _****Okay  
Tak: ****_Polish _****yes  
Schifo: ****_Italian _****Shit  
Chéri: ****_French _****darling  
Perché: ****_Italian _****Why  
Alors: ****_French _****So  
Scusami: ****_Italian _****I'm sorry  
Nein: ****_German _****No**


	15. With Great Power comes Great Migraines

**AN: i won't waste your time here guys. Translations at the bottom. Rated T for Romano's language. Enjoy!**

* * *

"...and Lovino's still refusing to see Antonio, huh?" Gil sighed, and crossed his arms over his chest. "_Scheiße_, that kid can be so stubborn."

"He hasn't even talked about what happened since we left the hotel," Feli nodded. "I think he's trying to forget about it."

"But he can't just avoid the situation forever," Matthew commented quietly. "At some point he'll see Antonio again, and then he'll have to confront it."

"Yeah, I guess it's just lucky Toni decided not to come tonight," Feli smiled ruefully. "Gilbert, how is Toni?"

"He's...I don't know," Gil answered honestly. "Ever since Lovino took that tumble down the stairs, he's been quieter and more serious, and you know that's strange for someone like Toni. And then when West told him he couldn't go see Lovino...I think he took that pretty badly."

"Antonio cares a lot about him, huh?" Matthew asked.

"_Sí_, he does," Feli responded. "I know my _fratellone _acts like it's not big deal, but I know he cares a lot about Toni too. Maybe...maybe too much." Feli hung his head.

Gil nearly fell off the seat. "You think maybe Lovino..._loves _Toni?" he whispered dramatically.

Matthew gasped insanely loudly as well. "Feliciano, are you serious?"

"I can't really tell you," Feli sighed. "All I can say is I hope Toni feels the same way."

"I think he does," Gil announced loudly, and laughed when Matthew made over exaggerated shushing noises. "Well, I'm just saying, Toni's been so drama-depressed since what happened between them, and from what I can gather he really wants to see Lovino again. So it's likely."

"Well, I guess we won't know until Antonio and Lovino come face to face, RIGHT GIL?" Matthew chided, giving Gil a serious stare for some reason.

"I think Toni likes him too," Feli interrupted happily.

"Yeah, but Feliciano, you can't be SURE," Matthew repeated in the same stop-talking-right-now tone of voice, switching the look to Feli. Weird.

"I really hope they have a really good make-out session when they get back together," Gil suddenly said very loudly. "I think they both NEED it."

Matthew threw his hands in the air and stood up. "Maple, you guys, how about we carry on looking for Lovino? Sitting around here isn't doing anyone any good."

"I don't know, maybe someone around here is very interested in what we're saying," Feli grinned, his voice suddenly rocketing up the pitch.

"Feliciano!" Matthew sounded strangely hurt, and he started pushing Feli back towards the crowded path. Gil followed, laughing about something, and within seconds all of them had been swallowed up by the masses.

I slumped onto the ground from where I'd been painfully crouched against the wall in an effort to stay hidden but to eavesdrop on the conversation at the same time. My legs hurt, but I barely pain any attention to them as I processed these small but very mind-altering new facts.

Firstly, I was angry at my _fratello _for just blurting out to Gil and Matthew like that about what I'd fucking _confided _in him about, namely how I felt about Antonio. I mean, I'd actually trusted him with that knowledge, and now he's just going around telling the person on every street corner because he has no concept of secrecy? _Cazzo_, and the kid still wondered why I didn't tell him shit.

Secondly, I was slightly confused by Matthew's behaviour toward Gil and Feli there. I mean, the kid is usually barely noticeable at best, but suddenly he was actually alive and existing and talking and not only that, he was telling people off and taking part in serious conversations. The way the maple syrup freak had looked at Gil and Feli, like they were doing something really bad, was just odd. I mean, they'd just been having a chat, but it seemed suddenly like the two of them were saying too much or giving something away. _Strano_.

Oh yeah, and then thirdly...Antonio.

Dammit, I'd been trying so hard not to think about any of that this evening! I'd purposely blanked my mind and concentrated solely on shopping in an effort to not remember, and now those three bastards had to just go and mention it casually, bringing all the clear memories back and making my head fucking ache just thinking about them.

But did they really mean what they said? That Antonio liked me? Gil's his friend, so he would know, so maybe...

I stopped my thought process right there. I couldn't think about him like that anymore, in that cheesy as hell _hopeful _way, because that sliver of hope had caused me to have an actual serious accident this afternoon (not like I'd not had them before, but still) and I wasn't in the mood to break anymore wrists. Plus, even though Matthew had pointed out that at some point I'd have to face Antonio again, I didn't necessarily _need _to. I'm very good at avoiding people, I'm sure those skills could be put to a challenge like making sure I'd never came face to face with that Spanish bastard again.

So even though Antonio obviously didn't like me, how come he was still upset? If Gil had been telling the truth, Antonio wasn't his usual cheery self right now. Hell, he hadn't even felt like coming out and experiencing these annoying Christmas markets, and Antonio always loved places with music and shopping. Imagining a sad and moping Antonio was just...surreal. I mean, obviously he does have days like that, only human and shit, but still, the idea of Antonio being sad because of anything made something in the region of my stomach ache.

And then of course, the idea that I'd been the one to cause Antonio sadness just made me hurt even more.

No, no, no, I didn't mean that, I couldn't mean that, I just-

"Lovino?" A voice called my name tentatively from my left, and I whipped my head up to see a shadow falling over the alley. I quickly scrambled to my feet, ignoring the groans of protest from my stiff legs, and started backing away. I didn't want to have another episode with one of my seemingly insane classmates right now.

At least, I'd assumed it was one of classmates, but my conclusions were destroyed when the voice said, "Bastard, I know it's you down there. _For the love of God, just come out already._"

A little bubble of relief grew in my chest as I realised who it was. I immediately stopped moving away and walked forward instead, blinking a little as my eyes adjusted to the light change. My vision refocused quickly and I looked at the person standing in front of me with a mixture of surprise and gratefulness. "Chiara!"

"Hell yeah, it's me," Chiara smirked, and I grinned back appreciatively. She'd changed her clothes since I'd last seen her, now opting for a red shift dress with tights and beige espadrilles. Her trench coat and hairband, now also red, was still there however.

"_What are you doing here?_" I asked, cutting straight to the chase with both the question and the language I spoke in.

"_My class came here this evening to do some shopping_," the Sicilian explained, sitting on the bench that Gil, Feli and Matthew had occupied just a few minutes ago and motioning for me to join her. "_Unfortunately I have a personal grudge against Christmas so I'm really not enjoying it._"

"_Yeah, I don't exactly like Christmas either_," I agreed, deciding not to probe about the personal grudge she'd mentioned. "_All the people in my class are acting really weird for some reason, so I'm kind of trying to avoid them._"

"_Weird? How so?_" Chiara asked, frowning.

I sighed and told her about the huddle they'd been in next to the truck, Gil and Luddy's odd conversation, the way Matthew and Elizaveta had been whispering into their phones, Francis and Elizaveta's attempts to drag me somewhere, Lili's sudden crying, Basch and Nataylia's pyschoness and finally, Matthew, Gil and Feli's sort-of argument. However, when it came to the details of the discussion the previous occupants of this bench had been having, I snapped my mouth shut and clammed up, not exactly eager to tell her those.

"_Lovino? What?_" Chiara was puzzled.

I shook my head. "_It's just...that bit is kind of personal and involves me having to tell you a lot of shit that I really don't want to go into._"

"_Oh, I get it_," Chiara gave a small smile. "_You don't want to tell me cause we've only just met today, am I right?_"

"_Yeah, and also_..." I pouted, trying to figure out how I could say it. "_It's just also something I haven't told people I've known for years and year either, so I'd just rather not say._"

"_Is it about your love life?_" Chiara asked, straight out.

I blinked and frowned, my surprise impossible to hide. "_Uh, what?_"

"_You're gay, aren't you?_" Chiara questioned, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Chiara, _what the fuck are you saying? Of course I'm...I mean I don't..._" I trailed off.

"_Knew it. I totally called gay on you when we first met_," Chiara grinned happily, leaning back on the bench with an aura of satisfaction.

"_You did what?!_"

"_Well, you know, just the way you were really awkward when I gave you my number and told you to call me, and your reaction when you mentioned that guy Antonio_-" I flinched when she said it, and her frown returned. "_Oh, I'm guessing there's something going on there then_."

"_Not exactly_..." I murmured, unwilling to say anymore.

"_Lovino, look, I guess if you really don't want to tell me then you don't have to and it's not like it's any of my business_," Chiara said sadly. "_But when I saw you in that alley, you looked pretty torn up about something, and just now that same expression has come back. If I were you and I was talking to me, no matter the fact that we were practically total strangers, I'd want to get something that stressful off my chest as soon as possible._"

I slumped my shoulders slight, knowing she was right. I did want to tell someone. Someone who wouldn't judge or decide what we should do before I wanted to do anything, someone who would just listen and let me explain. So I did. I summarised the story obviously, skimming over the exact details of Antonio's and my late night conversation and not going too deeply into my jealousy for my _fratello _when it came to Antonio, but apart from that, I did say everything. And Chiara did listen, nodding consolingly and laughing at appropriate moments, but apart from that staying quiet and calm throughout the entire story.

When I reached the stairs incident, my throat constricted slightly and I had to stop talking for a second just to get my breath back. Chiara understood, staying unresponsive while I slowly breathed in and out, trying to loosen the tightness in my chest. When it was gone, I manned up and managed to get to the end, describing what Feli, Gil and Matthew had talked about, without anymore dramatic emotion displays.

When I'd finished, Chiara sat there for a while, not saying anything and barely moving. I expected her to laugh at me, or shake her head sadly then walk away – if I was in her position, I'd do the same. Surprisingly, I wouldn't really mind if she did. I was just glad I had had a chance to rant to someone about all the building up drama that had appeared in my life since I'd gone on this stupid-ass trip.

Just when I thought she'd turned to stone or something, Chiara looked up again and smiled at me. "_Well, I think it's pretty obvious what you should do_," she said calmly.

"_What?_" I asked, curious as to her opinion.

"_You need to talk to Antonio immediately_."

I slumped back against the bench. "_No_."

"_Lovino, I know you don't want to, but you need to. From the way he's acting and the way you're feeling, it's obvious you're both upset because you're not with each other. Separation from the one you care about does that to you, you know. And if you sit around wishing he would come see you, then you'll be waiting forever, because remember you did tell him you didn't want to see him. From the sounds of it, Antonio's a smart guy -" _here I snorted and Chiara gave me a look. I immediately silenced, although a sarcastic comment begged to be let out; "_Antonio's a smart guy who wants you to be happy, so if you tell him to stay away, he'll stay away. And I can tell that you don't really want that. I know it'll be awkward, and you'll feel stupid and pathetic and nervous, but trust me, you'll feel better for doing it._"

"_How would you know all of this stuff anyway?_" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest. I knew everything she was saying was true, but hey, I'm Italian. Stubbornness is my middle name.

Chiara just smiled knowingly. "_I've had experiences. Now, you need to get your ass out of these markets and back to your hotel so you can confront your true love already!_"

"Antonio's- Antonio's not my-my fucking true love, dammit!" I spluttered in English, wondering when she started turning into Elizaveta with that entire weird "boy on boy" obsession.

"Fine, your crush, but my point still stands," Chiara rolled her eyes and stood up, holding out a hand to me so I could stand up as well. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"Okay, right, I'm going!" I snapped, then paused before I turned away. "Uh, Chiara?"

"_Sí?_" the girl smiled.

I bit my lip for a second before muttering, "_Grazie_."

Chiara grinned, knowing what I meant by it. "_Prego_."

I leaned forward to kiss both her cheeks, thinking I may as well return the favour she'd given me earlier. Then with a salute from the forehead, I turned and walked into the crowd, letting myself get lost in the people almost immediately. When I turned back to see where Chiara was going off to, she was gone. Huh.

I'd barely been walking for a few seconds when the Creepy Twins had somehow descended on me.

"Lovino, _drágám_, we thought we'd-"

"-lost me, yeah. I already know, Elizaveta," I sighed, just standing there while Francis and Elizaveta fussed around me. When I didn't even try to escape from them, they stopped at frowned.

"Lovino, _mon cher_, what are you thinking about?" Francis asked.

I sighed and actually told the truth for once. "Antonio." Francis and Elizaveta raised their eyebrows slightly, then shared a look. "I want to talk to him," I carried on. More eyebrow raising. "I fucking miss him, okay?" I snapped.

Both their faces broke out into grins. "Why didn't you just say? You can talk to him right now!" Elizaveta nearly squealed.

I frowned. "What?" They didn't answer, instead they just started up the 'Let's Drag Lovino Somewhere Without Telling Him Where' game. You know, that really fun one.

"Are you gonna call him or something?" I asked, holding myself up so I wouldn't trip forward and straight into Elizaveta's chest (not that I wouldn't mind, hehe.)

"Not exactly," Francis assured me as Elizaveta pulled out her phone and called somebody. I managed to catch most of the conversation this time, mainly because Elizaveta was sounding very pissed at somebody. She kept saying, "But _why _did you leave, idiot?" and then finally she just sighed and said, "He'd better," before hanging up.

"Who were you talking to?" I frowned as we careered onto another street. I had no idea how they knew where they were going, but they seemed pretty confident, so I decided just to hope they weren't going to gang-rape me. Yes, I was still scared about that. Seriously, this is Francis we're discussing here.

"Katyusha," Elizaveta replied offhandedly, stuffing her phone back into her purse roughly. Honestly, for a girl she could be really violent.

"Why?" I probed.

"Just shhh and wait 'til we get here, _mon ami_," Francis soothed.

So I let the Creepy Twins drag me through a few more market areas, trying to ignore the very freaky comments they were making about the people around us ("That guy right there, he got some last night." "Her? With the leather jacket and pixie cut? Lesbian. With the girl next door." "Oh _oui_, I can see it!") We eventually moved onto an emptier street, and I saw the truck was parked on the curb just a few blocks down. Damn, so it really was quite close after all.

"We'll leave you on your own here," Elizaveta announced as her and Francis stopped at exactly the same time and let go of my arms. I shook them to return some feeling.

"Uh, right here?" I frowned.

"Sure, just go over to the van. You'll see what's waiting for you," Francis winked. Then they both turned on their heel and walked away from me, towards to nearest market stall. I turned back to van, betting my bottom lire they were still watching me, probably with binoculars, from that same market stall.

I began walking, not sure what I was supposed to expect. They'd said I was going to talk to Antonio, but why had they brought me here to do that? Antonio was back at the hotel, and it wasn't like I could drive this truck back there to see him (Hell, not only was I not legal, Gil would probably kill me as well.) So why here?

Voices from behind the van interrupted my train of thought, and I realised that there _people _behind there. What? Who was it? It couldn't be-

Antonio, without warning, suddenly stumbled backwards from out of the other side of the van, looking at something out of my vision. He was stuttering something I couldn't understand, but right then I didn't care. I was just so glad to see him, I didn't even wonder how he'd got there, I just let my face break into a huge grin and my walking speed up drastically.

I was barely five metres away from him and was about to call out his name happily when Bella appeared from the same side of truck, sort of staggered towards Antonio, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, full on the lips.

* * *

**AN: BELGIUM. WAT R U DOIN. BELGIUM. STAHP. Follow, Favourite and Review, please! That's all for now folks xD  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Scheiße: ****_German _****shit  
Cazzo: ****_Italian _****Fuck  
Strano: ****_Italian _****Strange  
Grazie: ****_Italian _****Thank you  
Prego: ****_Italian _****You're welcome  
Drágám: ****_Hungarian _****Honey  
Mon cher: ****_French _****my dear  
Mon ami: ****_French _****my friend**


	16. I Shall Sulk and It Shall Be Good

**AN: *ducks behind bed as all followers and favouriters throw a thousand tomatoes of despair at me* I'M SORRY I SWEAR TO GOD I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE A SPONTANEOUS MONTH'S HOLIDAY OKAY PLEASE JUST LISTEN AND LET ME EXPLAIN SERIOUSLY YOU DON'T WANT TO KILL ME I'VE GOT WAY TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR PLUS I REALLY LIKE LIFE AND I'M PLANNING ON DOING SOME REALLY COOL THINGS LATER IN LIFE AND IF I DIE MY BROTHER WILL STEAL MY AMERICA PLUSHIE AND MY- Oh, you're, you're not throwing anymore? Oh. Uh, Good. right. Anyway. *coughs* Basically, my laptop broke and then I went to Berlin and then I had a dance performance in front of my entire school (D:) and then it was Christmas and we had family (ugh) and then it was New Year and I was tired, and from then on I was just procrastinating. But yeah. I am so, so, so, so, sorry to everyone who has been reading this story and waiting for fucking ages to read the next instalment, especially when I left it on such a cliffhanger last time. This story has officially reached 50 followers. 5O FOLLOWERS. Oh my days, I never expected so many people! Thank you all so much for reading and reviweing and generally being awesome, okay? You know I wouldn't see a point in updating if it wasn't for you. Anyways, this chapter kinda backtracks a bit, and covers what happened at the Christmas Markets from Spain's POV. It's also only one half, because I write way too much. but hopefully it should shed to light exactly how Belarus' ""plan"" was supposed to work. And Ukraine has a huge part in this as well, which I didn't anticipate. Oh well. Translations at the bottom. Rated T for about two counts of bad language and the cruel torture of an innocent Italian. xD Enjoy!**

* * *

"I don't like this," Herr B repeated for the hundredth time.

"_Scheiße, _West, you don't have to like it, okay?" Gil pressed a hand against his forehead, nearly hitting me in the face as he did so. Luckily, I ducked just in time. "You just have to drive to the markets and carry on as normal. Leave me to deal with this."

"I would, if you'd let me know what 'this' is!" Herr B replied angrily, taking a corner more sharply than usual. "I am the teacher here and so I should be told about anything that is going on-"

"It's none of your business, Ludwig, and technically it's none of mine either," Gil snapped back, and I started to worry. This situation had started out awkward, and now I was trapped between two angry Germans in the front seats of a van. Oh yeah, and Rammstein was on the radio. I felt terrified.

"Well then, why do you know about it?" Herr B challenged his brother.

"Because I've been hanging out with those kids back there, who are actually kinda awesome, so I get in on all the shit that's going down!" Gil rolled his eyes like it was obvious. "Just trust me, West, you'd rather just be in the dark about it. All you need to worry about is not stabbing Toni here in the face when you take corners."

"I shouldn't allow this," Herr B shot me a look. I couldn't help notice it was at the exact time a heavy guitar chord sounded in the song, and that just freaked me out even more.

"I don't mean to be any trouble," I apologised, then had a thought and added bravely, "But you can't really stop the van now, can you? We're almost there."

"_Ja_, West, just stay quiet about your worries and don't rain on our awesome parade!" Gil backed me up, looking brighter already as I argued his point. "Concentrate on driving for once!"

Herr B snapped something back in German that I didn't understand, which Gil countered, which led to, from what I could guess, some sort of bitch-off about vegetables. Well, I heard _Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkung en_, which I'm pretty sure means vegetables. **(AN: It means speed limits.)**

The conversation didn't last long however, because we arrived in just a few minutes. Herr B parked the car on a side road, cut the engine and jumped out as quickly as possible. Gil did the same on my other side, and I was about to follow when he pushed me back in.

"Lovino can't see you, idiot!"

Oops, I had almost forgotten about that. Gil slammed the door on my face and I hid on the seat, my head just peeking out over the edge of the window so I could see out. Closest to me was Lili, who flashed me a quick smile before turning to join the rest of the group. Nat, Al, Eliza and Francis were huddled together, probably going over the plan one more time, and over at the edge I could just see Lovi. He was standing next to his brother, who was desperately trying to distract him from the group of four whispering to each other. Lovi, however, just kept nodding and watching the group suspiciously. Feli caught my eye over his shoulder and made a _don't-let-him-see-you!_ face.

I ducked lower and curled up on the seat, not sure what else to do. I heard Herr B call out the register, skip over my name and carry on. I silently begged him to hurry up, feeling my legs begin to cramp. Finally, the group moved away, and I waited for the sound of their footsteps to die away. Then I waited two more minutes just to be on the safe side, and finally sat up with a groan.

This plan was ridiculous. It was ridiculous and I hated it. Well, I didn't _hate _it, but I certainly didn't like the way it was basically guilt-tripping and scaring Lovi into wanting to see me. I'd immediately turned the idea down when Nat had explained the plan, but the others were having none of it. Apparently, they were determined that Lovi and I had to resolve our tension, or die trying.

_Ahora_, that was the bit I really didn't like. When did it suddenly become okay for everyone in our class to control what went on between Lovi and me personally? Francis and Gil had tried to convince me it was for the best, but I just couldn't buy it. It wasn't me that needed convincing – it was Lovi. If he found out what they were all doing, he'd be furious and probably never speak to me again. Or worse, he'd feel like it was _his _fault any of this happened. Maybe dealing with an angry Lovino is fine, but I didn't know how well I could handle him at his lows. That didn't meant I wouldn't try, but...

There was a sharp rap on my door and I jumped, surprised. I looked out and Kat stood there, chewing on his fingernails anxiously. I waved at her to show I'd heard, then clicked the door open and stepped out, stretching out as I did so.

"So, I guess you're the one who's got to 'look after' me, then?" I smiled bitterly.

"Yeah. According to Nataylia, I'm not much good for anything else, so..." Kat shrugged, her strange Ukrainian accent colouring the emotion in her voice.

"It's okay. I'm sure you'll be handy when I try to make an escape in the van," I replied, grinning.

Kat widened her eyes, and fumbled with the phone in her hand. "You're-you're not going to run, are you?"

I sighed at her instant worry, and sat down on the curb at our feet. "No, I'm not. Gil would kill me if I tried to jump-start his van."

"Oh, of course," Kat agreed hurriedly, and sat down next to me. There was a short pause, then she added; "You aren't going to try to escape another way though, are you?"

"I don't think so," I admitted. "I don't think I have the guts."

"You don't need guts to run away. You need guts to stay."

I looked up at Kat, who blushed and opened her mouth to explain. However, at that moment, the phone started beeping, and we both looked down. Kat pressed abutton that said **Відповісти** and was about to hold it up to her ear, when she stopped and pressed another button marked **Гучномовець**. Suddenly, a voice crackled loudly over the tinny phone speakers.

"...ciano, Kiku and I have started confusing Lovino by dragging him around the markets at a fast pace. I think his arm is okay, although he's coming this way right now and looks kinda angry. So does the person behind him, actually. I think they're shouting as well. Any...oh, Lovino's shouting back now. But yeah, we're doing our bit. Is everything okay there, Yekaterina?"

"We're fine, Matthew, _спасибі_. Do you know how the others are getting on?" Kat replied. I, on the other hand, was temporarily distracted. Yekaterina?

"Roderich hasn't contacted me and Ivan and Yao are still on patrol. Nataylia and Alfred are fine, and Elizaveta and Francis are waiting to pounce," Matthew replied, a slight giggle following the last phrase.

"Good," Kat smiled. "Oh, Matthew? You don't have to call me Yekaterina. Katyusha or even Kat is just fine."

"I know, but I _like _Yekaterina," Matthew replied, sounding uncharacteristically stubborn. "Oops, I've got to go, Lovino's thrown a metal duck at that guy and now Feliciano's on the move again. _Au revoir!_"

Kat smiled and replied; "Goodbye," before hanging up and turning to me. "I thought you may want to hear what was going on."

"_Gracias_," I answered. "Um, how come he calls you Yekaterina? I thought your name was Katyusha."

Kat blinked at me, then laughed at little. "Oh, Antonio, Katyusha is a nickname! Ivan gave it to me when I joined his family, and then Eliza started shortening it to Kat – she always used to joke about Nataylia and I being 'Nat and Kat' – and well, I guess that's where you heard it from."

"But how come Matthew still calls you Yekaterina?" I wondered.

"You heard him. He likes it. Matthew's a good friend of mine and anyway, I don't really mind. I like all of my names," Kat grinned, looking slightly tearful. I imagined how great it must feel for her, having such sweet friends here after having an initial fear of leaving Ukraine, and felt a rush of sympathy.

"I like Yekaterina as well, but I think I'll stick with calling you Kat," I smiled warmly at her. "And you can call me Toni if you want. Most people do."

Kat nodded enthusiastically. "Okay!" There was a small silence as the conversation ended. My mind returned to the strange thing Kat had said earlier, and I asked her about it.

"Why did you say that to me? About guts?"

"Huh?" Kat frowned, then her expression cleared. "Oh. Well, um. I don't really know. I guess I just saw how against this idea you were and wanted to give you some encouragement."

"I'm not the one who needs encouragement," I muttered, and started fiddling with a loose thread on my jeans.

Kat nodded, apparently having heard me. "You're right. Lovino is the most important person here, and he obviously needs more encouragement than anyone."

"_¿Que?_" I said, and looked at her. "What does that mean?"

"I just think that maybe Lovino could probably use some kind words right now."

"Why do you say that?"

"_добре_, he's been through a lot, hasn't he? He was upset all of today, anyone could see that. Then he accidentally kissed you, and _you _-" Kat shot me a look which reminded me of that cold aura that sometimes surrounds Ivan, and I shivered, "-didn't kiss him back, so that must have caused him distress as well, yes? And then that fall down the stairs, and now our classmates are purposely running him around these markets in an attempt to confuse him enough to miss you. I think anyone in that situation would just want someone to listen. And then to tell them it was all okay."

I had stayed quiet throughout Kat's small speech, and now I was silent a little longer, musing over what she had said. She was right, of course. Lovi had been through a terrible amount today – in fact, he probably hadn't even wanted to come tonight, but was so stubborn that he wouldn't let everyone else go without him. He was most likely seriously regretting that decision now. He was, like Kat had pointed out, the most important person here, or at least to me. His safety was all I cared about, and running away would just make that slip through my fingers. But there was still one thing...

"Kat..." I said slowly, trying to organise my words into a recognisable sentence, "If I do stay...if I wait for Lovi so I can try and win him back...what do I say?"

"Tell him what he needs to hear," Kat said immediately. Then she stopped and added; "Or the truth. The truth always works too."

"What is the truth, Kat?" I asked, not caring how stereotypical that sounded. "I don't know how to answer a question like that – Lovi is always telling me I'm an idiot. Can you answer it? What is the truth? What do I really feel?"

"Toni." Kat said quietly. I looked at her, right into her eyes, which where a really bright shade of green. "Remember what I said about telling him what he needs to hear, and also telling him the truth?" I nodded. "Are they the same thing? To you?"

I thought about it. Lovi needs to hear that I care about him. The truth is that I care. "_Sí_."

"Okay, good. Remember what I said about Lovi needing someone just to listen? Toni...do you want to be that person?"

I thought about it. "No."

Kat blinked, and started the say something that sounded a little angry, but her phone started beeping again. She sighed and answered it, shooting me a look before pressing the button. I didn't care – I knew now.

The phone was still on loudspeaker, and I knew who it was before I even recognised the voice.

"Aren't you guys lucky you had Francis and me on back-up? Lovino, like the clever little tsundere he is, actually escaped from Feliciano – I love Feli to pieces, but if he could just concentrate for _egy második_-"Suddenly, there was a scuffling sound, and I heard Francis shout something in the background. "Lovino...NO! He got away! YOU _AGYATLAN_, COME BACK! _Az isten szerelmére, hogy ki kell vonnod Szóval te_-what?...Francis, I can't run, I'm wearing a dress! ...No, I will not take it off! How dare you! I'm going to whack you so hard for that you'll need-" There was a sound that sounded like scraping metal, and then a hard smack as the phone hit something. Then some scuffles, and then heavy breathing. A voice started speaking, but it wasn't Eliza's. "Katyusha, _mon fleur_, we will have to call you later. Eliza and I have had a...disagreement. Hopefully the rest of the plan will work out fine, _non_? _Adieu_!" Then it got cut off.

Kat and I sat there, not sure how to respond to any part of the situation presented to us. Finally, I said perkily, "So, sounds like my Lovi's putting up a bit of a fight, eh? I knew he wasn't-"

"Stop right there," Kat interrupted, and looked at me. There was a fire in her eyes that scared me, and her determination reminded me a lot of Nataylia. _Dios_, who said adopted siblings were nothing like each other? "Toni, you can't avoid this. You will explain to me, nice and clearly, exactly why your reply to my question was what is was. And it had better be a good explanation."

I let my smile drop, and stared at the ground in front of me while I spoke. "You asked me if I wanted to be the person that Lovi can tell all his fears to, explain all the bad things that have happened to him to, to be the person who tells him it's all okay. And my answer is no. I don't want Lovi to explain all his deepest secrets to me – I want to know them already. I don't want him to tell me who hurt him today – I want to be there when they try, so I can protect him. I don't want to tell him it'll all be okay – I want to be the one to make it okay. And what I definitely don't want is to be the one who makes him think its wrong that he wants me." I looked up at Kat. "Especially when...I feel the same way about him."

* * *

**AN: For those of you who don't know, Rammstein is this German heavy metal band that sound absolutely fucking hilarious because their songs are literally "~angry guitar music~ *ANGRY GERMAN* ~more angry guitar~ *ANGRY MOTHERFUCKING GERMAN* ~murdering of a thousand electric guitars~ *LOUD SCREAM*" and that is it. For a good example, search "Rammstein - Sonne" on YouTube. Also, can I just say, Canada and Ukraine make such cute friends. I don't even ship it - it's just too perfect a friendship. Anyways, I hope this chapter wasn't too shitty, especially considering how long you had to wait for it! I'll try and update with the next one soon. That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Scheiße: ****_German _****Shit  
Geschwindigkeitsbeschränkung en: ****_German _****Speed limits  
Ahora: ****_Spanish _****Now  
Відповісти: ****_Ukrainian _****Answer  
Гучномовець: ****_Ukrainian _****Loudspeaker  
спасибі: ****_Ukrainian _****Thank you  
Au revoir: ****_French _****Goodbye  
Gracias: ****_Spanish _****Thanks  
¿Que?: ****_Spanish _****What?  
добре: ****_Ukrainian _****Well  
Egy második: ****_Hungarian _****one second  
Agyatlan: ****_Hungarian _****Idiot  
Az isten szerelmére, hogy ki kell vonnod Szóval te-: ****_Hungarian _****For fuck's sake, you need to come back so you-  
Mon fleur: ****_French _****my flower  
Adieu: ****_French _****Goodbye  
Dios: ****_Spanish _****God**


	17. When All Else Fails, Blame the Dutch

**AN: Holy crapola, I wrote over 3,000 words! Oops. sorry. xD Anyway, here is the next bit of GermanChristmasMarketsScene from Spain's point of view, where shit! Goes! Down! Please don't hate Belgium in it, she's not being an idiot on purpose. Blame Netherlands. Seriously! Even the title of this chapter is telling you to blame Netherlands. Don't ask why, you'll find out later. Shh! . i haven't actually re-read this chapter to check it works so it's highly likely it'll be a little weird, but I'll go over it tomorrow and edit mistakes. i'm just too tired now. Snow makes me tired. Yeah, I know, England got snow! Crazy shit, man. Also, don't freak out, but this story has been set on the Wednesday of their trip since chapter 7. Seriously! I don't understand! That's ten chapters! That's one emotional Wednesday! I am one emotional Romana! I need sleep! I wish I wasn't feeling so shitty! Rated T for no language but drugs! Always drugs! Translations at the bottom! Enjoy!**

* * *

Kat's eyes were welled up, and as I sat there, feeling slightly dizzy from the confession that even I hadn't expected, a tear dripped down her cheek. Her hands clasped together, trapping the phone between them, and she let out a loud sob.

I blinked, flustered. "Kat, are you okay?"

"I'm fine! I just..." she cracked out, and then she suddenly burst into noisy tears, her body practically shaking as she cried. "That was so beautiful! That was so cute! Oh, I wish I had recorded it! Eliza will have a heart attack when she finds out she missed that!" As I watched, one of her buttons popped off her shirt, in much the same way as it had earlier in Francis' room. In fact, I think it was the same button.

Kat began drying her eyes, apologising profusely for the outburst. I told her it was nothing and let her calm down, which took nearly five full minutes because she kept sobbing again, talking about how wonderful Lovi and I would be as a couple and how perfect this all was. I nodded along mutely, allowing her to run out of steam and stop crying before I tried to talk to her properly again.

However, I couldn't lie – the way she was talking about Lovi and me gave this weird fluttery sick feeling in my stomach. It wasn't a bad feeling, definitely not – it was just when Kat said something about Lovi holding my hand or us actually being together, I felt like there was this big empty light space just underneath my ribcage, and for some reason I found myself smiling, just a little bit. But, it couldn't be love or anything, right? _Quiero decir,_ don't people's hearts always beat faster or they get really dizzy when they're in love? My heart wasn't beating faster. Well, now it was because I'd thought about it beating faster but obviously that had no connection to me cuddling with Lovino or-

Ooh. Now I was imagining that. It was...nice.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Kat's phone ringing _again_. I looked up as she dried her eyes and answered it, expecting Eliza or Francis or someone, updating us on the success of the next part of the plan. So I was surprised when a totally different voice came down the phone.

"_Privet, starshaya sestra._"

Kat and I jumped at the exact same time, both of us caught unaware by Ivan's voice coming over the phone. Like always, he sounded sweet and sincere and vaguely amused.

"Oh, _pryvit_, Ivan!" Kat's tone was vaguely relieved, but I could see her brow was scrunched together and I wondered what the problem was. "Why are you calling?"

"There has been small accident here," Ivan explained calmly. "We may be needing help."

My mind instantly turned to Lovi, and obviously so did Kat's, as she exclaimed; "Has there been a problem in the plan? Should Toni-"

"_Net_, this is not to do with _sestra _Nataylia's plan for Lovino and Antonio," Ivan assured us, but I detected a slightly shudder when he said Nat's name. Hm? "You see, Yao was buying sweets from a man who was trying to cheat us, _da_? And I may have accidentally caused the man to knock over stall. I do not know how."

"Ivan, did you show him your pipe?" Kat's voice sounded condescending in a motherly way, and I suddenly remembered that of course, Kat was older than Ivan, or any of us actually. The only reason she was in our class was because of her limited English.

"Of course. He did not take it so well."

Kat rolled her eyes and asked, "So, what is happening?"

"A lot of children are stealing of sweets, and Yao is getting angry with the man. There are much people around, _sestra_. I worry for us, in case the police come."

"What can I do?"

"Send help?"

"But who?" Kat frowned, thinking. "Eliza, Francis, Feliciano, Matthew, Gilbert, Alfred, Nat, Lili and Basch are busy with the plan. Roderich needs to stay on lookout. I can't contact Herr Beilschmidt. Who-"

"Kiku!" I shouted stupidly loudly, but it was an accident. I'd just realised who could help us. "Ivan, can you contact Kiku?"

"Not me," Ivan replied, sounding contemplative. "But Yao will be able to. If I can just talk..."

"No time," Kat said quickly. It was obvious she was concerned for her brother and Yao, and probably the _estúpido _plan as well. "I'll have to..." she trailed off and looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Toni, would you...could you please not get angry if I say I have to go and tell Kiku about situation?" Kat started chewing on her thumbnail even as she was speaking. I had to laugh.

"Of course I wouldn't, Kat! If you have to go, it's fine! I'm not really planning on going anywhere anyway," I smiled, trying not to sound endearing.

"Oh, _spasybi_!" Kat cried, relieved, and grinned. "Okay. Ivan?"

"I'm here," Ivan's voice sounded over the phone.

"I will go and talk to Kiku. I'm sure he could come and help you, especially if he knows Yao is there too," Kat explained. "I be as fast as I can."

"Good. Thank you, Katyusha." Ivan sounded happier, and there was a **click **as he hung up.

Kat immediately jumped up and tucked the phone into her jumper pocket. "I'm so sorry about this, Toni," she apologised. "But I will return soon, okay?"

"It's fine!" I waved my hands in a calm-down sort of way. "I understand. Go help Ivan. Say hi to Kiku from me."

"I will!" Kat nodded enthusiastically, the turned around and jogged off. I was momentarily confused by a strange **boing**sound that followed her, but then shrugged it off and decided to worry about it later.

The street sounded strangely silent after Kat left. Of course, I could hear the muted sounds of the markets from here, since it was only just around the corner, but still. The presence of someone else was noticeably lacking as I stood up from my spot on the kerb (groaning as the muscles in my legs stretched) and paced around the van.

Now that I was alone and had had and huge epiphany in terms of my friendship with Lovino, I had the strongest urge to call him. Not to beg forgiveness or tell him my feelings or anything like that anymore - I just wanted to talk. I missed talking to Lovi. Is that so bad?

Too bad Francis had predicted this and confiscated my phone earlier. Huh.

Well, there were other perfectly productive ways to spend my time here, right? At least until Kat got back that is. Yeah, I could definitely think of something to do. I'm nothing if not an opportunist.

* * *

Seven minutes and thirty-seven seconds later; Kat had still not come back and I had run out of ways to arrange Gil's CDs. So far I'd done name of album, name of artist, date, time length, number of tracks and colour. That's when I gave up.

At least when Kat had been here, stuff had been interesting and I could get updates from the others on how things were going. But now, I just had no clue what was happening. There could have been a nuclear reaction and everyone had died and I wouldn't know. Well, the noise would probably give it away, but still. I felt a bit lost. I didn't like being out of touch.

Just as I was contemplating arranging the scrunched up parking tickets that littered the floor into date and price order (I was getting desperate by then), I heard footsteps from further down the street. Kat maybe, or just another German family?

The footsteps got closer, and I was sure it was Kat now, since they were obviously heading straight for the van. The footsteps sounded oddly irregular though, and there were definite tripping noises. _Oh dios_, what had happened out there?

I was about to call out when a figure stumbled in my vision, and it was most definitely not Kat. This person was shorter and blonder and dressed a lot more girlishly, and I couldn't recognise her without seeing her face. It was possible I didn't even know her.

The girl staggered forward to the public bin attached to the streetlamp right next to us, her hands clutched to her stomach. I stepped forward to help at the exact same time she doubled over and threw up into it.

"_Ay ay ay_!" I exclaimed, shocked, and ran forward to see what was wrong. The girl had stopped retching, so I pulled her away and gently turned her face up. "_Señorita_, are you-" I stopped and my eyes widened. "Bella?!"

"Toni?!" Bella sounded equally shocked to see me, as well as croaky and kind of dazed. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh well, you know, I had to stay out of sight for the plan to work, remember?" I explained quickly. "Bella, what-"

"No, I don't know," Bella interrupted, her voice sounding stronger but still dreamy. "What plan?"

"The one that Nat came up with for me and Lovi..." I trailed off, confused. "Weren't you..." Then I realised. "Oh! You weren't there!"

"Where wasn't I?" Bella asked, giggling slightly.

"It doesn't matter," I waved her away. "The important thing is, Bella, what happened to you? You were sick!"

"Oh," Bella looked surprised, like she'd just remembered. "_Ja_, I was, wasn't I?"

"Yes!" I was amazed at her ability to forget so easily. I could sense something off about her, but I didn't know what. "Here, can you stand?"

"Maybe," she grinned. "Let's find out!" Bella took a step away from me and immediately toppled over. Good thing I had fast reactions and managed to catch her arm just before she hit the ground. I gently steered her into a sitting position on the pavement, where hopefully she couldn't hurt herself.

"Just stay there, okay?" I assured her, then opened the door to Gil's van again and climbed in. I quickly found what I was looking for – a bottle of water in the drinks holder and tissues in the glove box. I jumped out, slammed the door shut and sat down next to Bella, who was inspecting her own hands with mild curiosity.

"Here," I offered them out, and she looked up, her expression blank. "You can use these to wipe your mouth, and this to rinse," I explained, worried at her child-like behaviour.

Bella smiled and nodded, taking the tissues and the bottle away from me and doing as instructed. Her movements seemed fairly steady in comparison to her walking, but it was clear there was something wrong. My mind started jumping to conclusions of amnesia, an alien abduction or time travel. So far, only amnesia was looking seriously likely, but you can never be sure.

When Bella had spat out water for the fourth time, I took it and the tissues out of her hands and put them on the pavement next to me. Then I spoke before she could start acting up again.

"Bella, what happened to you?"

"What happened to me?" Bella frowned, then smiled. "I was sick!"

"I know that, Bella. I mean, why were you sick?"

"I don't think I was feeling very well. I feel fine now though. _Danke _for the water, Toni! You are so very nice to me!"

"Bella, why weren't you feeling well?" I had read somewhere that if someone seems to have trouble remembering things, you should constantly call them by their name so they don't forget it. I decided now was definitely a situation in which to use that advice.

"My middle felt funny, Toni. And my head was hurting, and I couldn't walk very straight. Oh, Toni, am I dying?"

"I don't think you're dying, Bella. But when did you start feeling like that?"

"I can't really remember. Hey Toni, is that your van? It's so cool! Can I drive it? _Bitte_?"

"No, you can't, that's Gilbert's van. You remember Gilbert, right, Bella?"

"Gilbert? I think...oh yeah, he has really bright hair and his eyes are creepy! But his laugh is so funny! I don't like Gilbert," Bella suddenly added, sounding very serious.

"Oh, okay," I blinked, surprised. "Um, anyway, Bella, do you remember what was happening before you started feeling sick?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Bella immediately brightened. "I met my brother!"

"Your brother? You mean Lars?"

"Yes! That one!" Bella nodded happily, and I gritted my teeth. Let's just say, Lars and I weren't exactly _simpático_. "I didn't know he was here – I mean, we haven't really spoken much since he left three years ago – but we bumped into each other in the markets and just got talking."

"And how is he?" I figured even though I didn't like Lars, it paid to be nice to people.

"He's great! He's moved into this cute little apartment in Amsterdam, got a job at a garden centre and even got a pet rabbit! He was in Germany to go to this convention that's happening this weekend, but he seemed weirdly happy to see me. I mean, he was acting kind of spaced out and emotional, but still!"

My eyes widened at this. The way Lars was apparently acting sounded a lot like how Bella was right now. "Bella, did you and Lars do anything when you met him?"

"_Nicht wirklich_. I mean, we walked around a bit and he kept telling me off about all the chocolate and comics I was buying. But you know, he's always been pushy, and backed down pretty quickly when I started snapping at him. But that was about it."

"Really?"

"Yep. You know me and Lars have never really been close, Toni. It was only 'because I hadn't seen him in aaaaaaaages that we ended up spending at least fifteen minutes together. Even then, he was smoking from his stupid pipe so much that it annoyed me! He did let me have a go though, which was pretty cool. But still, I left pretty quickly after that. I think-"

"Bella, wait." I interrupted, my mind processing everything she'd said. "Lars let you smoke?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. Only a little bit, since I decided I don't like the taste of tobacco!"

"Oh, Bella," I shook my head slowly, the truth finally dawning on me. Really, I should have guessed when she first told me that Lars had arrived on the scene. But then, I always was a little bit slower on the uptake. "I don't think that was tobacco in that pipe."

"Really? But what could..." Bella trailed off, and you could nearly see the gears turning in her head. Bella was smarter than me; if she wasn't so lethargic, she'd have got it sooner. Just a few more seconds...

"Oh!" Bella gasped, and pressed her hands to her mouth. "Toni..." she trailed off, and looked at me, terrified. "Am I high?"

I nodded despairingly. "Yeah, I think you-" My sad agreement was cut abruptly off by Bella bursting in laughter. I frowned, confused, and watched her double up, arms wrapped around her stomach, tears pouring down her cheeks. Her instability was seriously starting to get me scared.

"Bella, what's so funny?"

"Your face!" she gasped, looking at me like I was the best thing since _churros_. "You looked so scared and worried and I couldn't help laughing! Oh Toni, you're so cute!"

"Um, thanks?" I blinked, not sure what to say. "Bella, aren't you upset that your brother gave you drugs?"

"What?" Bella paused, then suddenly her expression darkened and she clenched her fists. "Oh, _ja_. I'm angry. I'm really annoyed. I can't believe he would do that, the _arschloch_. The _bâtard_. I may just have to kill him for it."

I widened my eyes. "Bella, I know Lars can be a pig, but you shouldn't-" She burst into laughter again, and I realised too late she was joking again.

"Why would I hate Lars for this, Toni? This feeling is so great! I bet I could do anything! I could steal a candyfloss machine and keep it to win competitions! I could press the doorbell of every house on a street! I could sneak into an airport and claim every piece of luggage in Baggage Control! I could...I could..." Bella trailed off, her imagination whizzing through possibilities. Then she froze, and slowly looked up at me. "I could kiss you."

That surprised me so much I immediately jumped up from the kerb and stared at Bella, unbelieving. Everything else she'd been saying had been understandable, given her emotional state right now, but that...where had that even come from? I was confused beyond measure and complete uncomfortable with the situation I was in. "Bella, you're not going to, are you?"

"Yes!" Bella grinned, standing up as well, and moving closer to me. I stepped back.

"Don't, Bella, seriously. You don't want to. This is just the high talking," I tried to reason, holding my hands up in defence.

"No, it isn't," Bella shook her head determinedly. "I like you, Toni. I like you a lot. I want to kiss you. It's just now I'm brave enough to do it."

"You...like me?" This was even more surprising. "But...I thought you liked Lovi! You and Eliza told me, remember?"

"Don't be stupid," Bella rolled her eyes. "We were trying to get you to confess that you liked Lovino as well, obviously. We both knew that you were going out but you hadn't told anybody and we wanted to be the first to know. Well, we _thought _we knew. But you're not going out, are you? Eliza told me the other day, after you told her. You can't believe how happy that made me, Toni! To think all this time, I was- what are you doing?"

Damn. I'd been trying to slowly back away while Bella had been talking, but now she'd taken notice. "Nothing, I just..." I couldn't think up an excuse, so I changed the subject. "No, me and Lovi aren't going out, okay? But I'm hoping that is going to change tonight, so you need to-"

"Oh, are you going to break friends with him because of his crush on you? That's a great idea, Toni, it leaves you-"

"Actually, the complete opposite. I do like Lovi, Bella. Really. It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I do." I started taking steps back again as discreetly as possible.

"No, you can't. You guys are friends. Friends are too close to get romantically involved."

"That's stupid, and anyway, we've been friends for ages! We're even distantly related! What you're doing here is incest!" I noticed Bella moving towards me, and quickened my pace.

"Toni, your grandmother married my aunt's husband's father when we were eight. It's only marriage. Please, just let me-"

"No, Bella! I can't let you! This is not going to end well, trust me!" As I spoke, I vaguely registered that I'd moved out of the shadow of the van and behind it. In my peripheral vision, someone was walking down the street, but I ignored them. I had bigger problems right now than a German market-goer.

"Of course it will! You'll see, Toni! This couldn't be more perfect – I know you like me too, one kiss will show you that!"

"No, I don't Bella, really! I don't like you! Calm down please, think rationally! You can't-" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the figure was distinctly walking towards me, probably curious as to what was going on. In the split second, I turned my head slightly to see what they wanted, Bella seemed to pounce on me (albeit stumbling but still) and wrap her arms around my neck. When I turned back to push her away, she took the chance to smush her lips against mine.

* * *

**AN: What kind of word even is 'smush', anyway? It's strange. However, it was appropriate, so don't complain! Yeah, for me, Belgium will always have more German in her than French, even though if you noticed, she does use it at one point. And of course, due to her relations with Netherlands, she refuses to speak Dutch. And of course, this fanfiction has now won awards because Spain officially says, "AY AY AY!" Next chapter will be up soon, and it will probably be short compared to the others, but we just need to end this Wednesday, okay? Wednesday can kiss my ass! Please favourite and follow if you really liked it, and all reviewers get a free Netherlands scarf! (I refuse to be held liable if your scarf does not arrive.) That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Quiero decir: ****_Spanish _****I mean  
Privet, starshaya sestra: ****_Russian _****Hello, big sister  
Pryvit: ****_Ukrainian _****Hello  
Net: ****_Russian _****No  
Estúpido: ****_Spanish _****stupid  
Spasybi: ****_Ukrainian _****Thank you  
Oh dios: ****_Spanish _****Oh God  
Señorita: ****_Spanish _****Miss  
Danke: ****_German _****Thanks  
Bitte: ****_German _****Please**  
**Simpático: ****_Spanish _nice****  
Nicht wirklich: ****_German _****Not really  
Arschloch: ****_German _****Asshole  
Bâtard: ****_French _****bastard**


	18. I Could Never

**AN: I can't decide if this is good or not. It's ridiculously short and very VERY angsty, but I don't know whether it's good. Eh. Anyway, I'd just like to point out that THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. There will probably be maximum four more chapters, and I swear to God it has a happy ending. I have about five plot bunnies running around at the moment, so I just want to finish this, yeah? Not that I haven't enjoyed this, I definitely have and do not regret it as my first uploaded fanfiction. But just warning you all, soon we shall all be moving on. ****Yeah. )':** Also, I've decided since it's taking me so long to always reply to everybody who reviews, because I try to be you know personal and nice instead of just 'kthnxbai', i'll start listing all the people who reviewed the last chapter here in the author's notes of the next chapter, to you know, say thanks. So here goes: Thank you to Bookslover21, Spamanoforever, DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympian s, Book Thief101, Spamano4ever, Epic F. Awesomesauce, yacchin and Mademoiselle Carmille. Your Netherlands scarf shall arrive in 5-7 working days. Can't be held liable if it doesn't. Rated T for Romano's language and THE FEELZ. Translations at the bottom. Um, should I really say enjoy?

* * *

Kissing Bella felt absolutely NOTHING like kissing Lovino. Her lips were dry, and I could still taste the spice of the drug and the bitterness of her vomit as she desperately pressed our mouths together. Her body was too hot and too short and just plain _wrong._ I didn't want to do this. I was hating it, and with all of my strength (not to boast, but there's quite a lot of it) I grabbed Bella's shoulders and forced her away, letting her stagger backwards as I wiped my mouth disgustedly.

"Antonio...?" Bella stared at me. "What did I-"

"Bella, what _was _that?" I practically snapped, shivering slightly. "I can't believe you even tried to kiss me like that. That was just-"

"_Dio_, I know, that looked sick even from here. Oh well, you can both calm down and try again in a minute, s_í_? I'll leave, since I'm obviously not fucking wanted."

I know I don't swear. But this was an exception. _Joder_.

I turned to see Lovino, my Lovi, standing there, watching us. From his expression, he looked as though he could honestly not care less. By then there was his body language – he was as stiff as a board, his hands clenched by his sides and his jaw tighter than Basch's wallet. This could not be happening.

"Lovi, please, this isn't what you think it is-" I tried, but he wasn't having any of it.

"Oh, isn't it? Because it was looking very goddamn close," he kind of squeaked. I think it was supposed to sound more menacing, but his voice broke half way through and I winced.

"You don't understand, Lovi, see , what happened is," I started again, talking a step towards him. "Bella here met her brother-"

"That's Lars! Oh, I wonder if he's still here! I could really use another drag, you know, I'm feeling kind of depre-"

"That's great, Bella, but seriously, Lovi, she's high, okay? She's totally out of it, and crazy and she sort of jumped on me and well, I guess you saw-"

"Yeah, I did see," Lovi squeaked again. "And you know what else I saw, Antonio? Me. Leaving."

"No, please, don't! Just give me a chance-"

"No," Lovi spat, and turned away from me.

"Seriously, I didn't want her to-"

"Yeah, you can just keep playing that card, bastard," Lovi shouted over his shoulder, still walking away. Ouch.

"Lovi, you can't do this to me, let's just-"

"Shut up."

"Calm down, please, we can talk this-"

"I said shut up."

"Stop, _por favor_, I need to tell-"

"SHUT. UP."

"No! It's really important, you need-"

"I SAID FUCKING SHUT UP, YOU GODDAMN LYING TOMATO BASTARD!"

I stopped, stunned. Lovi whirled around, and this time he didn't look awkward or controlled or off-hand or even crazy. Instead, he looked pissed. And he was crying. Not hard, but there were tears, and Jesus, it hurt just to look. It hurt worse to hear.

"DON'T DO THIS TO ME, ANTONIO! LET ME FUCKING WALK AWAY, OKAY? THEN YOU CAN GET BACK TO YOUR PERFECT LITTLE LIFE AND GET A PERFECT LITTLE BITCH OF GIRLFRIEND, WHO, _A PROPOSITO_, HAS BEEN TOTALLY FUCKING OBSESSED WITH YOU SINCE PRIMARY, EXPECT YOU'RE TOO MUCH OF A GODDAMNED IDIOT TO NOTICE, AND THEN YOU CAN GET PERFECT LITTLE GRADES AND CHARM YOUR WAY INTO THE BEST FUCKING JOB EVER, AND HAVE FUN AND RELAX AND LIVE YOUR DREAM, YEAH? YOU GO DO ALL OF THAT, AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN!" He stopped for breath, and I felt suddenly airless as well, like there was a belt wrapped around my chest and it was just pulling tighter and tighter. When he opened his mouth again, he spoke.

"You can go do all of that shit, Toni, because you're a winner. You win people's trust, and you win in school and yeah, maybe I confess you fucking went and won me too! You're a winner, just like my _fratello_ and the hamburger freak and that posh British guy, Tom Hiddleston. But guess what, _spagnolo_? I'm a loser. I lose trust and I lose grades and I lose opportunities. I DON'T have a perfect life. I DON'T get to live my dream. I DON'T have happiness. And I most certainly, in a million trillion years, on any planet or universe or world, DO NOT. HAVE. YOU."

He was crying even as he said it, even though he was trying to hide it, and all I could think about was that stupid belt tied around my chest and the way it wouldn't let me breathe and oh no, there were people crowding further down the street, stupid Germans trying to- wait, is that Eliza? _Oh Dios_, it our class, why do they have to be here to watch as Lovi, my Lovi, _mi querido_, _mi amor_, is turning and walking and leaving me here with my life that will never ever be perfect if he's not in it-

"But I want you." It slipped out. I didn't mean it to. I just wanted to let him walk away, like he asked me to, but I couldn't, because I'm an idiot, like he says-

"Really?" Lovi stopped, and turned, and I got hopeful. "That's a lie. You don't want me. No-one ever does. You keep me around because you're too nice to admit I'm a lost cause. Well, _scusa_, but I'm taking that choice away from you now."

I hiccupped loudly, and that's when I realised I was crying too, silent tears just slowly running down my face. They weren't because I was losing him, or because people were watching, or because I have messed up. They were because all of those things had happened, and I couldn't do anything about them except stand and stare. And say stupid things, like-

"But we're sharing a room for the next two days."

"Oh I'm sure Herr Motherfucking Beilschmidt wouldn't mind letting me switch into my _fratello_'s room. Then his roommate, nerd bastard, can move in with Luddy and his brother, Fashion Disaster with the freaky red eyes, can fuck off into the wine bastard's room, and _then _Bella can join you, so you two can be a cute couple. Sound good? It's a little bit roundabout, but hey, I've always been nothing more than an inconvenience." Lovi started walking away again, in the direction of the markets and the crowd of our classmates who were standing, staring, totally lost. They moved out of his way to let him through.

"Someone text me when you're all ready to leave. I'll just wander and hope I get hit by a car 'til then. _Ciao_, _bastardi_."

* * *

**AN: I feel so mean doing this! Please, don't hate me! However, do follow and favourite, and all reviewers get to comfort Romano in his post-Spain depression, yes? Next chapter, I'll be trying out something new in terms of how I write. Mainly because it'll be fun and I can't be bothered to write an actual chapter. Cough. That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Dio: ****_Italian _****God  
Sí: ****_Italian/Spanish _****Yes  
Joder: ****_Spanish _****Fuck  
Por favor: ****_Spanish _****Please  
A proposito: ****_Italian _****By the way  
Spagnolo: ****_Italian _****Spaniard  
Oh Dios: ****_Spanish _****Oh God  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****My dear  
Mi amor: ****_Spanish _****my love  
Scusa: ****_Italian _****Sorry  
Ciao, bastardi: ****_Italian _****Bye, bastards**


	19. The World Through Everyone Else's Eyes

**AN: NO WAIT HANG ON HOLD THE FUCK UP IS THIS AN UPDATE I THINK IT'S AN UPDATE WOAH I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THIS COMING AND AND I'M THE FREAKING AUTHOR- *coughs* Um. Anyway. Hi. Been a while, hasn't it? xD Well, you're probably glad to know I'm not dead, at least. I honestly have no fucking clue what happened there - I just went completely AWOL from life in general I think. But then I remembered this thing I had going on where I shipped like Fedex, and now I'm back! Of course first I had to re-read the story (yes, I had to re-read my own fanfction. Don't laugh at me), and then I read all of your comments and like cried forever 'cause YOU'RE ALL SO FUCKING NICE AND AMAZING FOR FOLLOWING I CAN'T EVEN :( But in conclusion, I'm back, and it may just stay that way. We'll see. :D So this chapter was laid out in the forms of texts, cause it's actually surprisingly hard to write and I wanted a challenge. But it's fun coming up with the names of people on other people's phones and also making spelling mistakes on purpose! I hope you find some of the references I came up with, and leave your theories in the comments, yeah? Thanks for commenting goes to: Alexia-Esco, Bookslover21, Spamano4ever, yacchin, DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympians, Epic F. Awesomesauce, Mighty Agamemnon, LHPride, Spamanoforever, invisiblemanda, mudkipfan22, and of course TheLumpyNinja woh graciously asked me whether I was still here xD Rated T for Nataylia (you'll see). Enjoy!**

* * *

**Zu: The Un-Awesome West  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:02pm  
**Shit is going DOWN at my van. Come join us! YOUR AWESOMENESS

**Zu: YOUR TOTALLY AWESOME BRUDER \m/  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:07pm  
**What's happened? Has someone been hurt? I'm on my way. Put someone in control until I get there. Also, when did you change all the contacts on my phone? I only managed to recognise yours because it was so obvious. Ludwig Beilschmidt

* * *

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 18:13pm  
**Lovino, maybe you should come back now. It's been ten minutes and Toni's kind of upset. Haven't you made your point? I'm really worried. Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 18:15pm  
**Toni's shouting at everyone. We kind of set up tonight, you see, and he's not happy about it. I'm sorry, I knew about it, but I just wanted you to be happy! Can't you please come back? Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 18:18pm  
**Okay, I get it if you're ignoring me now because of the whole setting up thing. But can't you just tell me if you're safe? You weren't serious about the whole getting hit by a car, were you? Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 18:20pm  
**Herr Beylshmitd just got here. He's kind of angry and wants to know where you are because no-one will tell him what happened. He thinks you've run off. You haven't run off, have you? Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 18:23pm  
**Herr Bilescidmit says if you don't reply to me and tell us where you are he'll call the police. We might be leaving soon anyway, so you have to come back. You will, right? Please don't get lost in Germany, Lovino! It's really big and it will take a long time to find you! Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

**To: Kiku  
Sent: Wednesday 14 November, 18:14pm  
**WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID I MISS?! AK

**To: THE BADASS MOFO THAT IS YOUR BROTHER  
Sent: Wednesday 14 November, 18:16pm  
**Al, you didn't do anything stupid, did you? My part of the plan went fine, and this has your handwriting all over it. Mattie xx

**Japanese Kid Brother 于****  
发送****Wednesday 14 November, 18:17pm  
**What happened? One second we're dealing with this cheapskate German market seller, the next Lovino's screaming at Toni... ? Yao ツ

**Zu: Eliza  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:23pm  
**One day, a nuclear bomb will wipe out a continent and it will be your entire fault, I swear. 3 R

**Pour: Gilbert~3  
Expédié: Wednesday 14 November, 18:26pm  
**I CAN SEE LOVINO! Quick, hide Toni and get everyone else to stop talking about it, oui? F :*

* * *

**-Hoz: Arlov, Kat-cake, Lilililililili  
Küldött: Wednesday 14 November, 18:31pm  
**THAT WAS COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT. But it doesn't matter, we need to regroup and work out a new strategy to get Toni and Lovino back to together again. Any brainstorms? XxElizaxX

**Да: Eliza-Fucking-Veta  
пасланы: Wednesday 14 November, 18:32pm  
**THAT WAS YOUR FAULT, YOU BITCH, AND YOU KNOW IT. No, I don't have any brainstorms. We can talk this over tomorrow. Can't you just stop shouting "AND NOW KISS" at everybody we know for a couple of hours? Also, check my Tumblr – I just reblogged the best gifset. ~Nat

**Zu: Elizaveta Hédeváry  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:32pm  
**Itwas? Im sorry, I though I did evrything fine :c howis Bella? Apprently she is on drugs what doyou know about this? Lili xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**-Hoz: Arlov  
Küldött: Wednesday 14 November, 18:34pm  
**MY PLAN WAS FLAWLESS, IT WAS OBVIOUSLY YOU WHO MESSED IT UP. Why not now? Just put your phone on silent because it's really loud in this van. Why is everyone so quiet? I do not do that! I just support healthy and loving relationships between very attractive people. I have no Wi-Fi, I'll check later :s XxElizaxX

**Да: Eliza-Fucking-Veta  
пасланы: Wednesday 14 November, 18:33pm  
**WELL GUESS WHAT I REALLY DON'T CARE. Everyone's quiet because it's fucking awkward, you dipshit. I'm not texting you anymore, okay? I just want to curl up with Ivan and sleep. ~Nat

**-Hoz: Lilililililili  
Küldött: Wednesday 14 November, 18:34pm  
**Well, maybe not totally your fault. But more importantly, BELLA WAS HIGH? SERIOUSLY? HOWWHATWEHNWHOWEERRRRRRR? IS THAT WHY SHE MADE OUT WITH TONI OMIGAWD I GET IT NOW THAT BI

**-Hoz: Lilililililili  
Küldött: Wednesday 14 November, 18:35pm  
**TCH SHE RUINED ALL OUR PALNS I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WHY HOW COULD SHE THIS IS UNACCPETABL I HAVE TO TALK TO HER

**-Hoz: Arlov  
Küldött: Wednesday 14 November, 18:36pm  
**BELA WAS HIGH SERIOUSLY SHE'S ON DRUGS IT MAKESSO MUCH SENSE I CAN'T BELIEVE WE HVAE TO TALK TO HER OKAY SHE HAS RUINED ALKL THE FEELS

**Zu: Elizaveta Hédeváry  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:37pm**  
I thougt you knew? Ohno Eliza plese don;t do something stupid! :(((((((( Lili xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Да: Eliza-Fucking-Veta  
пасланы: Wednesday 14 November, 18:38pm  
**Huh. High? Figures. Seriously, Eliza, I can actually see you shaking from here. Calm down, okay? If you flip out, I WILL kill you. ~Nat

* * *

**To: STICK UP HIS ASS  
Sent: Wednesday 14 November, 18:59pm  
**DUDE U NEED 2 GET A GRP ON UR GF THT WAS FKIN HILARIUS LV THE HERO

**Zu: Elizaveta Hédeváry  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 18:59pm  
**Elizavta, Ican't believe you just scremed at Bela likethat! You know itwasn 't her fault, and i think shes scared! :ccccccc Lili xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**A: Eliza3  
Inviato: Wednesday 14 November, 19:00pm  
**Um, Eliza. I think Lovino's angry at you. I mean, he's angry at everyone, but what you just did makes him specially angry at you, and I'm sorry. He's sleeping in my room tonight so I hope he won't do anything stupid. Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Zu: Crazy Frying Pan Girl  
Geschickt: Wednesday 14 November, 19:02pm  
**DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE, West is totally gonna send us all to our rooms early! He's all ranting and shit and it's so un-awesome to go to bed at like, 7! Why'd you have to go and have a bitch fit at Bella like that, she's throwing up right now from stress! Or is that because she's on drugs? LOL! YOUR AWESOMENESS

* * *

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Wednesday 14 November, 22:47pm  
**Francis specficaly stole my phone so I couldn't message you tonight, Lovi. He said you wouldnt want to hear anything from me because you were still mad. I know you'll stillbe mad, but when I saw Francis hiding the phone under his mattrss (he has to sleep with me tonight because Bella is still really sick and has to get up every five minutes to throw up so funny how that worked out, huh?) I just had to take it back and send you this. I could write a really long apology explaining everything that happened and what went wrong and why you should forgive me, but I just can't. Kindof because I don't know enough English to say everything I want to, but also becuase I know you won't listen. It's just...I'm sorry, Lovi. I'm just so sorry for hurting you and confusing you and letting you push yurself away from me without even realising. I'm so sorry for never knowing just how hard it was for you, even when you triedto make it look easy. And I'm sorry for not realising how much I need you until it was to late. I'm sorry, mi querido. Toni :))))))))

* * *

**To: Francis  
Sent: Thursday 15 November, 8:23am  
**No-one even cares that your brioche tastes like German, so can you shut up moaning about it because I can hear you and I'm at THE OTHER FUCKING END OF THE TABLE, YOU WANKER. Also, tell your new BFF Antonio well done, public scenes with Lovino like that are hard to come by. AK

**-Hoz: Vargas 0.1, Tomatoni  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 8:24am  
**I just wanted to apologise for last night on Nataylia's and my behalf. It was kind of cruel the way we tried to manipulate you together, and if you want to talk then please don't hesitate to message me. You know I care about you a lot :c XxElizaxX

** Zu: YOUR TOTALLY AWESOME BRUDER \m/  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 8:24am  
**Bella seems to be alright, when I came in she was asleep and quite pale, but apparently she has not thrown up for several hours. Now she's getting changed. Tell the children that today we're going to take it calmly today after that disaster last night. Ludwig Beilschmidt

**Zu: Feliciano Vargas  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 8:26am  
**Howis Lovinno today? He doesnt look lik he slept much...and he's not rally eating hi s food...i hope he's not to upset :((((((((((((( Lili xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Lovino-kun へ****  
Thursday 15 November, 8:27am 送られ****  
**How are you feeling? You look very tired, Lovino. I'm sorry about what happened. Kiku

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Thursday 15 November, 8:27am  
**Hey Lovi, how are you feeling today? Toni :))))))

* * *

**To: Yekaterina (This name sucks, who the hell is this? –Al)  
Sent: Thursday 15 November, 9:06am  
**So we're only going to a movie? Thank God, I thought Gilbert was serious when he said Herr B said we were going rock climbing :3 How is Bella? I still don't think she should have come with us :s Mattie xx

**На: Matthew Williams  
посланий: Thursday 15 November, 9:08am  
**Yes, I do not no wich movie thuogh. Hahaha, I no, it was funney though, wasnt it? :) She's okay, she is very pale but she can wark and tark, so it will be good...I think she shoold have stayed behinde to, but I think Herr B just wants to keep an eyey on everyone :s Can you see Lovinno? How is he? Katyush x

**To: Yekaterina (This name sucks, who the hell is this? –Al)  
Sent: Thursday 15 November, 9:09am  
**Yeah, I guess it was pretty funny XD That makes sense, I mean when Lovino left last night it definitely freaked us all out. I can see him, he's texting I think – I don't know to who, considering he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He's even just shrugging to Feliciano... :( I feel so bad for him and Toni. I wonder if they ever would have gotten together. Mattie xx

**На: Matthew Williams  
посланий: Thursday 15 November, 9:12am  
**Hmm, that's stragne, I wonder who he's texting? I feel bad to – I no Toni really lykes him, I was there last nigt. He just looks really sad this mornining, wich is wierd on him. Tobe honest thuogh, Nataylia's plan was very mean on both of then. Speeking of, hows YOUR boyfreind? ;) Katyush x

* * *

**A: Japanese Geek Bastardo  
Inviato: Thursday 15 November 9:12am  
**Thanks Kiku. That means a lot. Sorry about what I said. -Lovino-

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Thursday 15 November 9:13am  
**Lovi, who are you texting? Toni :))))))

* * *

**-Hoz: Arlov  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 10:22am  
**Oh God, this is so awkward. Don't you feel so bad for that blonde girl? You just KNOW she's going to die! XxElizaxX

**Да: Eliza-Fucking-Veta  
пасланы: Thursday 15 November, 10:23am  
**NO. FUCK OFF. I LIKE THIS MOVIE. ~Nat

**Para: Francsis!  
Enviado: Thursday 15 November, 10:23am  
**I'M NOT TESXTING LOVI, I SWEAR! What made youthink that? Toni :)))))))

**Zu: Francey-Pants  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 10:25am**  
He's lying. He was totally texting him this morning and on the way to the movie. Also, is that your ringtone that keeps going off? Cause West is getting kiiinndaaaa angry XD YOUR AWESOMENESS

**Для: American  
посланный: Thursday 15 November, 10:26am  
**If you are going to insist on texting during a movie, please first learn how to turn off your message sound. Or you don't have a phone. Your choice. Braginsky

**Japanese Kid Brother 于****  
发送 ****Thursday 15 November, 10:27am  
**Lovino's texting you, isn't he? What's he saying?! This whole thing is so stupid. Yao ツ

* * *

**Zu: The Un-Awesome West  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 10:30am  
**West, you are such a bitch. That was so mean! YOUR AWESOMENESS

**Zu: YOUR TOTALLY AWESOME BRUDER \m/  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 10:31am  
**Shut up or I'll take yours as well. Ludwig Beilschmidt

* * *

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Thursday 15 November 12:04pm  
**Wow, I can't beleive Herr B took our phones in the cinema! Crazy, isn't it? Toni :))))))

**To: THAT SISSY BRO O' MINE  
Sent: Thursday 15 November 12:05pm  
**DUDE THT MOVIE SUCKD, IT WS ALL IN GERMAN OR S/T LV THE HERO

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Thursday 15 November, 12:07pm  
**if I text you, will you reply? Cause you won't talk to me and you keep going on your phone and I think you need to talk okay? I mean you might forget how to if you don't :( Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Zu: Cute Bitchy Russian Girl  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 12:08pm  
**Wasn't that movie awesome? I like cartoons more though, what do you think? ;) YOUR AWESOMENESS

**Да: Eliza-Fucking-Veta, Fucking Francis, Kat-Fucking-Yusha, Fucking Lili, Isa-Fucking-Bella  
пасланы: Thursday 15 November, 12:11pm  
**OKAY WHO THE HELL GAVE GILBERT MY NUMBER YOU BITCHES ~Nat

**A: Brother Bastardo  
Inviato: Thursday 15 November , 12:14pm  
**Maybe I'll reply, but it's not like I'll say anything. -Lovino-

* * *

**Pour: Kiku~3  
Expédié: Thursday 15 November, 12:48pm  
**So it's YOU who's texting Lovino?! Don't try to hide it, he's sticking to your side like glue. Maybe he won't even go shopping! F :*

**-Hoz: Bella (Swan)  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 12:49pm  
**So don't tell, but I kinda gave Gilbert Nat's number XD XxElizaxX

**A: Lili3  
Inviato: Thursday 15 November, 12:51pm  
**I can't believe Toni's not even coming shopping with us, he's so upset :( but let's try and cheer Lovino up, okay? I haven't been shopping here yet, you HAVE to help me! Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Thursday 15 November 12:51pm  
**I cant come shopping Lovi, Francsis wants me to go with him Toni :)))))))))))

**Lovino-kun へ****  
Thursday 15 November, 12:52am 送られ****  
**Try not to think about it too much for now. Just have fun shopping. I'm sorry I can't come with you. Kiku

* * *

**-Hoz: Roddy  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 1:11pm  
**How is Toni doing? I was kind of worried when he didn't want to come shopping with us, but I guess wants to give Lovino some space. XxElizaxX

**Zu: Elizaveta  
Geschickt: Thursday 25 November, 1:12pm  
**He's okay. He's hanging around with Francis and Gilbert though, so I'm staying away. I don't trust those three together. Yes, well, Lovino was always a fan of his space. He's not sociable like Feliciano. Roderich

**-Hoz: Roddy  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 1:13pm  
**I know, but he is different from Feliciano; just because they're twins doesn't make them the same person. I worry about both of them, and all this drama -.-" Niether do I! I don't like Gilbert. AT ALL. Why are Toni and Francis hanging out with him?! XxElizaxX

**Zu: Elizaveta  
Geschickt: Thursday 25 November, 1:14pm  
**You did help start a lot of 'this drama', Eliza. You shouldn't worry, they're big boys, they can look after themselves – but I do appreciate your caring. I don't know, but they're highly dangerous. Also, what did you do to Nataylia? She's FURIOUS with you. Roderich

**-Hoz: Roddy  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 1:15pm  
**I did everything in the name of justice, okay? I didn't mean for it to turn sour! And I gave Gilbert her number because she snuffed me in the cinema, but how does she know that? You're being SO helpful. XxElizaxX

* * *

**Zu: Cute Bitchy Russian Girl  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 1:36pm  
**Is that a Victoria's Secret bag I spy in your hand? Aww, you didn't have to xD YOUR AWESOMENESS

**Да: MOTHERFUCKING GILBERT (NOTE:KILL HIM)  
пасланы: Thursday 15 November, 1:38pm  
**Yes, it's a Victoria's Secret bag and no, you will never, ever know what's in it. You've actually gotten me to give up typing completely in capitals, are you fucking happy? You've lost my will to text-shout. Fuck you. ~Nat

**Zu: Cute Bitchy Russian Girl  
Geschickt: Thursday 15 November, 1:36pm  
**Yes I'm awesomely happy cause I know you wouldn't stop text-shouting if you weren't starting to like me! So, if I can't see in the VS bag, what else did ya buy? YOUR AWESOMENESS

* * *

**Lili because she's nice 于****  
发送****Thursday 15 November, 2:07pm  
**I've just realised I've got to eat most of these sweets before we leave because they won't all fit in my suitcase! You'd better help me! Yao ツ

**Para: Lovi!**  
**Enviado: Thursday 15 November 2:07pm  
**Did you get something nice when you went shopping, Lovi? Do you think Munich is going to be pretty? Toni :))))))))))

**-Hoz: Tomatoni  
Küldött: Thursday 15 November, 2:09pm  
**Sit next to me in the van, please? We need to talk. XxElizaxX

**A: Fratellone3  
Inviato: Thursday 15 November, 2:10pm  
**You look a lot less sad now, Lovino! Hw is your arm by the way? Have you remembered your painkillers? And your contacts? And how long do we have to keep texting instead of talking? All my new clothes won't fit in my bag! XD Baci, Feliciano xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

**Pour: Gilbert~3  
Expédié: Thursday 15 November, 4:22pm  
**There's a traffic jam?! How long is it going to be?! I HATE SITTING IN THIS BOUCHÉ VAN. F :*

**To: Alfred  
Sent: Thursday 15 November, 4:25pm  
**Apparently there's a traffic jam and we're going to be an extra two hours or something, so for God's sake, CAN YOU SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP?! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT DOCTOR WHO! AK

* * *

**AN: I think I gave up a bit near the end here. Oh well, you've got your information, next chapter we'll be back to first person narrative, okay? Also, is anyone going to Comic Con this Sunday, because I'm going to be there as Nyo!Romano, and I'd love to meet some of you guys! PM me, yeah? Reviewers get some of China's sweets, and of course please follow and favourite! That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
If you can't work it out, then each person has their phone set in their language, so work out what language that is from the sender, and then I'm pretty sure it should say 'To: ****_insert name_****, Sent: ****_insert time_****'.**


	20. Confessions of a Depressed Spaniard

**AN: NO BUT SERIOUSLY HOW DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSED SPAIN?! I should probably have done some research on that. Anyway, this new chapter presents, for your feels, a tragically pained Spain who really really needs a hug and not a club (damn you Prussia). It has a strange ending because I was determined not to stray for my chapter plan - yes I plan my chapters now, suck it losers - so idek, make of that what you will. But argh, it's so mildly adorable and if you still hate Belgium by the end then I'LL- be totally cool with it, your choice bro xD Also we have a Denmark cameo! He doesn't say anything but it's the thought that counts. Shh. Next chapter will have a lot better dialogue writing as well, I swear. Thanks for commenting on the last chapter go to: Epic F. Awesomesauce, Spamano4ever, Deme.P, Mighty Agamemnon, ILikeAppleSauce, ShowMeTheStarsIn221B, Bookslover21, DoctorWhotaliaandtheOlympians and one guest. Rated T for the fucking swearing right here in this sentence. Translations at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

Have you ever tried not breathing? At first, you feel fine. Your body carries on as normal, and you relax because you think it's really not that bad. Then slowly you feel this emptiness growing inside you, a vacuum of nothing that tries to suck air back in so you can carry on living, but you're not letting it. Your chest starts to hurt because your ribs can't contract that much, and your throat closes up and you tense entirely as your body goes into one last ditch effort to conserve as much energy as possible. Then suddenly your subconscious will to live overrides everything, and you gasp in one huge lungful of air. The pain drops away entirely and you can relax again, knowing how close you were to danger but narrowly avoiding it.

Living without someone you love is like that, except you never start breathing again. The pain sits in your chest and stomach and refuses to move, no matter how much you try to ignore it, and you curl in and protect yourself because you don't want to let anything else in that could hurt you. Meanwhile, your mind is desperately searching for some way to get you out of this mess, some way to make it all stop, but it can't. Because getting the person you love back is the hardest thing in the world, no matter how many times you breathe in.

Living without Lovino was even worse than all that. It was like I'd held my breath and then gasped in air, only to have someone clamp a hand over my mouth and refuse to let me finish. I'd one taste, literally one taste of him and then it had been gone before I'd even realised what happened, because I'm just too damn slow to see what's important when it's right in front of me.

I'm different from Lovi in that everyone could tell I was in pain. I saw no sense in hiding it from anyone, not just because that wasn't how I did things, but because if I pretended I was fine then the way they acted would be even worse. This way, people would just stare at me with worried expressions, or send me anxious texts. Last night in the van on the way to Munich, Eliza had sat me down and slowly talked through how I was feeling, allowing me to nod or shake my head to confirm her suspicions. I could cope with that – it was simple, uncomplicated, and didn't need me to go into detail.

I still tried to talk to him, of course. It was stupid and impractical and annoyed Lovi, but I figured since I was all of those things anyway, I may as well carry on. I texted him every now and then, hoping he would pay more attention since he seemed to be on his phone all the time, but he never replied. I had enough tact to not try face to face, even though I desperately wanted to hear his voice again.

The whole situation put a huge downer on our class for a day and a half, at the most. The less directly involved ones – Yao, for instance, and Arthur and Basch – couldn't have cared less, and they carried on like normal. The ones who understood like Lili, Matthew, Kat and Kiku were quiet and sensitive around me, but I knew they were also talking about me behind my back. Francis, Eliza, Gilbert and Alfred, as my closest friends, tried to make light of it by determinedly discussing other things, but they also never left me alone. I hated it, because I wished they would just give me some space, but I knew it made them feel better so I stuck it out.

I barely saw Lovi for that day either, because he did everything within his human power to avoid me. I was actually appreciative of that, because I knew close contact would literally make the vacuum in my chest collapse in on itself. The only annoying thing was I didn't get to see Feliciano either, because of course he was keeping an eye on his twin to make sure he didn't do anything stupid. I missed both of them badly in different ways, but I guess I have to get used to not seeing much of the Vargas twins.

All in all, Thursday was a bad day.

When I woke up on Friday in the hotel in Munich, I enjoyed a few wonderful seconds of calm when I didn't remember any of it. Then it all came rushing back and the hand over my mouth tightened more than ever, and I wondered whether I'd ever learn to deal with it.

Breakfast passed in a blur and honestly I can't even remember what the hotel even looked like. I got less worried looks than yesterday, but I barely paid attention – there was just no point reacting. The atmosphere was better though, and I felt calmer than yesterday. It was the last day in Germany, and frankly I was pleased to leave. This place had too many bad memories for me now.

Herr B rushed us all out before ten, insisting there was a lot to see around this city before the day was out. Gilbert claimed me for his tour group before I could say anything, as well as Francis, Eliza, Alfred, Arthur, Basch, Lili and oddly, Bella. I wasn't really sure how I felt about Bella right now; part of me wanted to blame her for everything, but she's always been one of my closest friends so I wasn't really ready to hate her guts just yet. Huh. I guessed I just had to see how it turned out.

I found out Gil knew a lot about Munich, and he wasted no time proving it. The tour can basically only be described as whirlwind, with Gil dragging us from place to place as soon as he was finished speaking. I barely got any time to make notes, but the speed took my mind off of things like Lovi. An hour in, I was almost enjoying it when suddenly, things changed.

"And if we go any further down this street, we'll end up at the awesome _Marienplatz_, but we're not going to go there because it's busy every time of day. The _Marienplatz_ is a lot like the rest of the city – a mixture of old awesome Prussian and some new fancy-ass Renaissance, except recent renovations..."

Wrapped up in listening to Gil, I didn't notice someone appearing by my side. She was the last person I'd expected to try and talk to me, because if I was her I'd be embarrassed, but I guess Belgians are more stubborn than I thought.

"Toni?" Bella said hopefully, and I shrugged my shoulders in response. There was just no energy for anything else. "Toni, I know I'm still the last person you want to talk to, but you need to know I'm ready."

I frowned and paused. That was definitely not what I'd been expecting her to say. Breaking my attempt at carelessness, I looked up at her and blinked. "Ready...ready for what?"

Bella burst into one of her traditional sunny smiles, happy that she'd managed the get me interested. "I'm ready to talk to you, and apologise. I felt so terrible yesterday – you know, physically – but today I'm better and feeling bad because of what I did."

I sighed. She was being too nice – I decided not to hate her for what she did and just let her get it out of her system. Really, I think I'd already forgiven her. "Oh well, _gracias_."

"But really, Toni, I mean it," she insisted. "I said some really bitchy things that night, and I know I can't blame it all on the drugs. It's true..." she hesitated, and I waited, "...it's true I like you. A lot. But I was never going to act on it, even when I knew you and..._also_, it was just a crush and it's not like I obsessed over you or something. You can't imagine how pissed I was at myself when Eliza told me what I'd done, what I'd ruined. I just-"

"Please stop, okay? I get it," I waved my hand at her, not wanting to hear anymore. "I forgive you. And I do like you, honestly. Just...not in that way, okay? So you can stop beating yourself up about it."

"I understand, Toni," she nodded enthusiastically. Satisfied, I started trying to listen to Gil again, but he wasn't talking anymore. Instead he was chatting to Francis, and I frowned. Were we done with the morning sightseeing already?

However, she wasn't going to let me shut up again so easily. Bella coughed and said awkwardly, "So...how are you feeling?"

I looked at her. "I'd rather not talk about it, okay?" I sped up my walking because she was much shorter and I knew she couldn't keep up, but Bella just started a weird half-jog-half-speedwalk next to me. Seriously, she'd hold up well under torture.

"_Bitte_, Toni," she begged, "it's not weak to talk about stuff. You haven't been yourself and it's worrying us."

"I know it's not weak," I muttered. "Really, I know that better than anyone else here. I've been so quiet because I've been thinking about it too much, and that's not good. I need to get used to the way things are."

"Toni?" Were these more people already? I knew it'd be a bad idea to start talking properly. I looked around and saw Gil and Francis grinning at me, seeming pretty pleased that Bella and I were chatting.

"Gil, are we already done with the tour?" I asked, purposely ignoring everyone's questions.

"Kind of," Gil shrugged. "I mean, we've seen a lot but we do have a bit of time before West expects us back. So, I've decided to use my awesome position of authority to tell you all to chill."

I nodded and looked at the ground. That was pretty much all the talking I wanted to do for today. Now hopefully they would- "Seriously, Toni, it would do you good to talk." That was Bella again. I was actually starting to regret forgiving her.

"Bella makes a good point, _mon ami_," Francis interjected, and I looked at him incredulously. Obviously, everyone had now officially given up on being tactful. "I think it would do you some good to just talk over your feelings."

"I already did that with Eliza," I muttered, wondering where we were going. Gil seemed to be guiding us aimlessly back into town, but then again, you can never be sure with Gil.

"He did, actually," Eliza popped up beside Bella, smiling at me encouragingly. It made me feel a bit sick. "He didn't exactly talk but he registered I was there and did appropriate conversational gestures, so maybe we should give the poor Toni some credit."

"Don't talk about me like I'm a kid," I frowned at her. Just because I was nearly catatonic didn't mean everyone got to talk _mierda _about me!

But for some reason, that just made everyone laugh. "Aw, Toni, I am glad you're talking again," Bella grinned, looping her arm through mine.

"I didn't promise anything." I made a hurt face, but to be honest, my chest wasn't feeling quite so tight anymore. It could have stayed that way, if some French people learnt to keep their mouths shut.

"So, has Lovi replied to your texts yet?" Francis asked jokingly, but my stomach dropped when he said it. I immediately turned away, trying to not to think about my failed attempts at communication yesterday. I could sense everyone else giving Francis the death glare behind my back, and it annoyed me. I didn't like the way they did it, like I had to be protected. But I also knew there was only one way to stop them doing it.

So, I took a shot. "No, actually," I said just loudly enough for everyone to look at me. "He's still ignoring me. I guess that's okay, since I have no idea what I'd say if he did reply. There's not really much I can say."

There was a moment of quiet as everyone took it in, and then another person stepped forward to take the mic. "If it helps, Toni," Lili squeaked nervously, "I'm pretty sure he is getting your texts. According to Feli, he was on his phone all of yesterday and barely said a word. Even though Feli was right next to him, Lovino wouldn't reply unless Feli texted."

Everyone frowned and I heard Alfred mutter, "Dude, that is awkward." I wasn't really sure what to feel – I mean, it wasn't like this was particularly new information. In fact, I'd expected little else from Lovi, since that was his way of dealing. "_Escucha_," I interjected, "It's honestly not my problem anymore, okay? I can't live the rest of my life tailing after Lovi in the hopes he'll talk to me, and I can't let the rest of you be messengers either. Just…just leave it. Please," I added.

There was a short silence, and then Bella said calmly, "Okay, Toni. If that's what you want." There were other muted agreements and Francis gave me a reassuring pat (on the shoulder, thank God.)

"You know what we need?" Gil said suddenly, changing the tone of the conversation easily. "We need an awesome night out! It is our last day here, and these past few days have been so…well, _trübselig_. So we deserve a really great time!"

"Are you sure?" Eliza raised an eyebrow. "I mean, that sounds great and everything, but we do have a lot of packing to do, and-"

"Eliza, shut up and let the man give us a party," Al interrupted, making the Hungarian girl give him evils. But Gil was already talking excitedly about how he could convince Herr B to stay behind and finish some paperwork, then he could take us all to this totally awesome bar owned by his friend Matthias, and oh, there's West now, with the rest of the group, so I'll just go talk to him-"

Bella untangled her arm from mine when we rounded the corner, which actually made me feel kinda abandoned. Even though this thing was platonic, I'd actually felt like someone cared for a little while when she did that. I considered this emotion and decided to see it as a personal achievement I was feeling anything at all. Maybe the hand over my mouth was loosening a bit, but the prospect of a casual night out actually sounded pretty good. As long as no-one got a drunk as last time.

* * *

Several hours later, I reflected on how when I thought no-one would get drunk, I'd obviously forgotten the type of people I was with.

At lunch, Herr B had given us an awkward lecture that basically said we had to sort our problems out before we got back home, because _verdammt, _if we turn up at school as depressed as this they'd never let us have another trip. Then, he'd taken our group on a tour of the other half of Munich which had actually made sense because unlike his brother, Herr B talked so people could understand. All the way through the hour and a half of sightseeing, Francis and Eliza had dropped hints about a night out that were so heavy you could've knocked as bull down with them. But it obviously worked, because when we'd come back from a short souvenir trip, Herr B had announced that Gil was going to take us to one of his favourite restaurants after we'd packed and sorted our stuff.

How Gil had managed to swing that one, I wasn't sure, but I suspected bribery. Gil was pretty easy to predict despite only knowing him four days.

Anyway, after that hell, we'd arrived at the bar only half an hour ago. I say bar – I mean club. Gil took us to an actual club! It was called _Kongen af Nordeuropa_, and so packed it was kinda scary. Gil knew the owner as well, this tall Scandinavian guy with fabulous blond spikes for hair, and so we got VIP entrance. I felt dizzy from the loud music and talking after only ten minutes, and had to fall into one of the huge black beanbags lining the dancefloor just to relax.

Now I was still sitting in the beanbag, feeling the vacuum in my chest more than ever as I watched my classmates have a great time. Eliza, Nat and Bella were jumping up and down crazily to the music while Arthur and Ivan started a drinking contest – they were the ones who I'd underestimated around alcohol. Everyone else had faded out of existence in between the other clubgoers.

But I didn't care about any of them. From my beanbag, I could see the Vargas twins perched on barstools, both of them holding drinks already. That didn't worry me, because they were hardly what you'd call lightweight – I just felt bad as I saw Feli try time and time again to get Lovi to do something, anything, as long it wasn't taking shots or texting.

I noticed how worse for wear Lovi looked. He was still dressing well and keeping up appearances, but you could just tell he'd lost all willpower. His cast looked uncomfortable and it gave me a small sick feeling whenever he itched it, because it was the only time he looked vaguely interested in something. The emptiness in my chest strengthened in horrible little spikes of pain as I saw _mi querido _brush off first a bartender's attempts to talk and then Feli. It was upsetting knowing this was also all my fault.

Have you ever tried not breathing? It starts off okay, but then it gets so painful. Living without someone you love is like that, but even worse because at least when you're not breathing, it's an experiment and you can stop at any time. But the person you love is never going to come back, and you're never going to get used to it.

In the middle of this crowded club with my friends so close and the person I love so far, I'd never felt more alone.

* * *

**AN: ~sniffs awkwardly~ I'm sorry I swear you'll be happy soon! Hopefully I may update the next two chapters pretty soon and together, because I'm doing fuck all at school at the moment, but let's see how it goes. Please follow/favourite if you liked, and reviewers get VIP entrance into Denmark's bar! That's all for now, folks!  
~Romana**

**Translations:  
Marienplatz: ****_German _****this real pretty square in Munich  
Gracias: ****_Spanish _****Thank you  
Also: ****_German _****Well  
Bitte: ****_German _****Please  
Mon ami: ****_French _****my friend  
Mierda: ****_Spanish _****Shit  
Escucha: ****_Spanish _****Listen  
Trübselig: ****_German _****Depressing  
Verdammt: G****_erman _****Dammit  
Kongen af Nordeuropa: ****_Danish _****King of North Europe  
Mi querido: ****_Spanish _****My dear**


End file.
